Obstacles to action when you know what you want

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Postby expatana » Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:24 pm

And every time I read something about "getting out of your comfort zone," directed at me, I'm not sure whether to laugh or bang my own head against the wall!! At least I read every word of everyone's accounts and take every word seriously. How many of you have given up everything you had and WENT OUT THERE, as I did? Hmmmm .... not too many? I didn't think so. How dare you talk to me about comfort zones.
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Postby moviegal » Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:37 pm

expatana wrote:And every time I read something about "getting out of your comfort zone," directed at me, I'm not sure whether to laugh or bang my own head against the wall!! At least I read every word of everyone's accounts and take every word seriously. How many of you have given up everything you had and WENT OUT THERE, as I did? Hmmmm .... not too many? I didn't think so. How dare you talk to me about comfort zones.
Whether you believe it or not, we're here to help. If we come off sounding frustrated...well, we are. We're offering advice and you don't seem to be getting it and then you get defensive at us. If you think you have all the answers, then by all means follow what you think is best for you. But in the words of Dr Phil: "How is that working for you?"
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Postby expatana » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:13 pm

pattyn wrote:[You could easily be making $50K in two years if you sat down and worked out a flowchart and kept doing each step on it as if you believed it would work. It might not be your dream place to live or your dream job, but it would .
That's it ... I'm totally worn out from bafflement. So ... now, according to how you see it, I have to give up my dreams for the foreseeable future, hang around here, try to go for any job no matter how much I hate it ... I thought the idea here -- and I've been around the Wishcraft world for longer than most of you -- was to do everything you can to get away from the world you hate, and towards the one you love. And even if I wanted to entrap myself here ... now I'm supposed to feel better because this county has a high median income ... I can't imagine what others' income here has to do with me, my skills and background, or any I could gain quickly. For general information, Bucks County is a huge place and the income range is actually enormous. The richest people here really do shoot up the median by quite a bit, because their numbers are high. That's just statistics. Patty's in Doylestown, an area I couldn't presently touch; I'm about a half hour's drive away in Warminster, an area most residents there could easily touch. The differences between just these two locales plus the one I usually sub in, would bookend the range nicely. The incomes of those in the upper end do not bring up those in the lower half. And how does being only intelligent and educated qualify you for any job? Talk about naive. I'm totally baffled ... oh, and now I have to make up yet another flowchart (I've done three, why do I need another one?) :roll: In all, the assumptions made on these boards totally floor me, the lack of reality even more so. In all, I've had it with the attacks. Ana
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Postby Tituba » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:27 pm

In all, the assumptions made on these boards totally floor me, the lack of reality even more so. In all, I've had it with the attacks.
No one was attacking you. Many of us don't choose to be cynical or defeatist. That doesn't make us naive. We have all faced challenges and failures equal to your own. I'm not sure why you are becoming defensive or thinking that our encouragement is an attack. You wanted our input for choices that may be open to you to get you to Spain. You reject our input and that's your choice. Look, it's your plan for your life. I wish you well.
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Postby pattyn » Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:56 am

I thought the idea here -- and I've been around the Wishcraft world for longer than most of you -- was to do everything you can to get away from the world you hate, and towards the one you love.
I can see that it's hard to believe, but that's exactly what I'm hoping to help you to do, Ana. I'm not trying to promote this county or keep you in it. I'm trying to help you get to Spain as quickly as possible.
And even if I wanted to entrap myself here ... now I'm supposed to feel better because this county has a high median income ...
No, not feel better, use the information to your advantage.
The richest people here really do shoot up the median by quite a bit, because their numbers are high. That's just statistics.
They would increase the mean. The median is the income that half the households in the county make more than and half make less than. And this isn't an area of huge families with multiple earners -- the average household is around 1.6 people.
I can't imagine what others' income here has to do with me, my skills and background, or any I could gain quickly.
Where half the households are already earning more than $63,000 a year, jobs that pay $40,000 are easier to get into than in a place where every household's earnings cluster around that figure. You're just inches shy of qualifying for such jobs and better, and they're going begging here. Once in, your chances of relocating at a similar salary improve greatly. So do your chances of being able to pick and choose your work schedule. It looks to me like by delaying your move to LA for perhaps a couple of years, you could get to Spain many years sooner. And I'm definitely not saying you MUST stay here. I'm saying that you ought to think about it as a strategy for getting to Spain. I'm saying that there's little evidence supporting your view that the economic situation here works against you.
And how does being only intelligent and educated qualify you for any job? Talk about naive.
They don't qualify you. If they did, you'd already be making the big bucks. But getting qualified won't be a long uphill struggle or require that you earn a degree, because you're starting from such an advantage. You speak and write better than 90% of your competition. You're smart and can pick up new skills. You've got lots of years of varied work experience, so you've got a large matix of "information hooks" to hang new skills on. You are so close to a being an ideal candidate for any number of good jobs, for getting out of the group that must struggle to get hired.
I'm totally baffled ... oh, and now I have to make up yet another flowchart (I've done three, why do I need another one?)
Have to? Never. Your life is completely and totally in your hands. Anything I post here is offered only as help for getting to your goals. I don't have an apartment or job in LA, an in on a writing assignment in Spain, or a MacArthur grant to give you. All I have is a method that I learned from Barbara for finding the shortest route between dreaming about something and putting it in your own hands. That method calls for revising your flowchart when you try a different strategy, and I was suggesting a different strategy. A flowchart's especially valuable when following a sideways strategy that builds resources before moving forward, because you can check off each circle and see that you're getting there, even when you don't appear to be moving forward.
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Reply

Postby paralegalgirl » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:09 am

Ana has said over and over she's frustrated because she really wants to live in Spain but she's also afraid that at age 51 she could end up jobless and homeless if things don't work out. Right now she has enough work to get by barely. Some of her steps or circles might look like this: * Have work lined up in Spain * Have emotional support lined up in Spain and at home in case she runs into significant difficulties in Spain I don't think she's going to feel comfortable quitting her subbing job and going to Spain until she gets these issues resolved. Philosophically the idea that we all have a "right" to go after our dream is not a given in our world. The whole idea of "rights" is an issue that has been debated since about the late 1800's so it's a very new idea. Previously, no one believed anyone had any rights. The question is how far do our rights extend? Do we have a right to live in any country in the world? It may be a desire, but I doubt if it is a right. (sorry about the preachy tone. Once a teacher always a teacher I guess) PLG
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Re: Reply

Postby expatana » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:24 pm

paralegalgirl wrote:Do we have a right to live in any country in the world? It may be a desire, but I doubt if it is a right.
I doubt it, too ... although it's a topic that can fill a whole new forum, let alone one thread. It's much discussed on my Spain boards, because so many of them already live there sans papers. I doubt anyone here would take kindly to being told by a foreigner that they have a perfect right to live in their country. But you'd be surprised to hear the tone of some of the posts, because some of the Americans seem to think they have that right. The general cluelessness is amazing. Most had no idea before planning their departure that they weren't actually allowed to do this, and of course most didn't know they'd remain illegal ... and most simply don't care, they're making a "contribution" to the society. And then the Brits come on and set them straight. Most of the somewhat older, experienced ones knew very well and just ... well, just love it and follow the dream trying to brush off the legal issue as if it didn't exist -- and hold their heads low. There seems to be a common profile: more males than females, average age: about 23; average time in Spain: about 1-1/2 to 2 years; average work experience before going: zilch; average life experience; definitely zilch. It could fill a fascinating book and I wish I could interview some of these people and write one, but I'd be afraid that if it were published, the Spanish authorities would finally decide to shoo them out! I'm embarrassed by the arrogance, but I admire their chutzpah and imagine myself one of them! :-) As for having some "right" to follow any dream -- as paralegalgirl says, that's not automatic, either. It's really only a privilege of those of us living in cultures beyond subsistence level. Do I *believe* it should be a right of everyone? Absolutely! Ana
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Postby expatana » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:46 pm

Tituba wrote:[You wanted our input for choices that may be open to you to get you to Spain. You reject our input and that's your choice.
Well, at this point we're getting away from the original topic here so I won't digress further than I already have. It is of course *your* choice to believe that. Ana
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Postby jcjm » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:54 pm

expatana wrote:
pattyn wrote:[... oh, and now I have to make up yet another flowchart (I've done three, why do I need another one?) :roll: In all, the assumptions made on these boards totally floor me, the lack of reality even more so. In all, I've had it with the attacks. Ana
I heard that. It never ceases to amaze me that whenever you ask for A there is always someone telling you that you don’t need A try B. I like flowcharts, but they are not for everyone and to assume everyone works the same way is wrong. If we were all alike we would all be accountants or all musicians or writers. The simple fact that we are different, means we must work from our strengths. So telling someone to do a flowchart when they are not that type of person is worse than useless, it is also frustrating. Napoleon Hill mentions the mastermind principle in his books which simply stated means that if you can’t do something find someone who can. So my advice is, if you can’t do a flowchart, find someone who can and exchange what you are good at for what they are good at. (that is assuming you need to do a flow chart in the first place.)
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Postby expatana » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:58 pm

pattyn wrote: ... You're just inches shy of qualifying for such jobs and better, ...
Then I humbly offer you thanks for your assessment, Patty. Can't imagine where you got it.
pattyn wrote: ... and they're going begging here. ...
REALLY? Oh, Patty, you can't really believe that ... do you? Good jobs aren't going begging ANYWHERE. But really, if you've got hard evidence of this, I'm a humble, willing listener if you want to PM. Later, Ana
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Postby Heather Duggan » Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:08 pm

Ana, I was thinking about this last night, because I get a boxed-in sense from some of these discussions that I hadn't been able to put my finger on. I think what I'm sensing is that, mostly when someone has a goal they're either flexible on the endpoint and rigid about the process ("Although I'd like to be a millionaire, the quality of my life is the important thing") or they're rigid on the endpoint and inflexible about the process ("I have to be on Broadway, and I don't care what it takes") It feels like you're rigid on both sides - you have a narrow endpoint and a narrow pathway leading to it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I guess I worry that it might be setting you up to fail more easily. I get the inflexible endpoint - I'm mission driven, so where I end up is the big thing. Because of that, while I'm rigid on moral issues (there are things that ethically I simply won't do) I've become much more flexible about what I used to see as my fixed personality. I'm naturally a little shy and self-depricating. But, for what I want to do, that's just not working. My destination requires a different kind of me. And the destination is important enough that I'm willing to make that change. This may not apply to you - it seems like you have a goal and a path that leads to it - but I thought about it when you were talking about not being the kind of person who likes to sell. I guess my sense is (and I know this is not the case at moment) that if you're the kind of person who really must live in Spain, and selling is the pathway to get there, maybe you could become the kind of person who likes to sell *and* lives in Spain rather not being able to live in Spain just because you're not that kind of person. Heather (who has recently learned to love sales calls even though she is really not that kind of person)
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Postby expatana » Tue Jan 24, 2006 7:30 pm

Mmmm ... That's an interesting point. You were willing to change yourself. I think the important thing is that no matter what activity you ultimately do, it meshes with the core of who you are. But it's not just hating sales. That's an activity that requires a certain type of personality -- Type A, outgoing, gregarious. Usually something one needs to be from the inside. It's a shame that I'm thought of as "rigid" on the boards, because in life, that's definitely not the case! To my friends, I'm anything but rigid in following this dream. You say I'm inflexible about the endpoint. Well ... which of us isn't? Think about it. We either get it eventually or choose a different endpoint if it meshes with the core of us. Well ... there are some endpoints that are rather difficult to outright replace. As for being inflexible about the way to get there, I just don't see any evidence of that. Ana
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Postby Heather Duggan » Tue Jan 24, 2006 7:56 pm

expatana wrote:Mmmm ... That's an interesting point. You were willing to change yourself. I think the important thing is that no matter what activity you ultimately do, it meshes with the core of who you are. But it's not just hating sales. That's an activity that requires a certain type of personality -- Type A, outgoing, gregarious. Usually something one needs to be from the inside.
I'm actually talking about changing things considered to be ingrained personality - like being outgoing and gregarious. Personality is more fluid then it sometimes appears. The obvious example is a skilled actor who can step into someone else's skin so completely that they seem to become that person. But we take on little roles all the time - step out of ourselves. It's just a matter of extending those periods. At first it seems completely artificial, but after awhile it becomes a different role you put on, just as you'd choose a particular outfit. I'm sorry if I made it sound as if I thought you were personally rigid in some way. I don't. I was just thinking that you sounded a little boxed in - like the world maybe seemed more rigid then I think it is. So I was trying to think of a way to make it seem more fluid. And for the inflexible endpoint, I have one of those too. IMO, that's a *good* thing.
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Postby moviegal » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:43 pm

Heather Duggan wrote: I'm actually talking about changing things considered to be ingrained personality - like being outgoing and gregarious. Personality is more fluid then it sometimes appears. The obvious example is a skilled actor who can step into someone else's skin so completely that they seem to become that person. But we take on little roles all the time - step out of ourselves. It's just a matter of extending those periods. At first it seems completely artificial, but after awhile it becomes a different role you put on, just as you'd choose a particular outfit.
Yes, you explained it beautifully, Heather. Much better than I could have. This is what I meant in another thread by stepping out of your "comfort zone." It has nothing to do with taking risky chances that could lead to financial ruin. It's the willingness to do things that go against our personality and may not be personally comfortable to us. It's easy to say well I can't do [insert activity] because I'm shy, introverted, impatient, bad tempered or whatever trait one may wish to insert here. But if we do that we put limits on ourselves and can be perceived as being rigid or "set in our ways" (as many older people are often perceived). I don't consider myself a naturally outgoing individual. In fact, I was very shy as a kid. But over the years I've done things that have brought me out of my shell and given me more confidence...things that didn't come easy or were natural to me. I don't have the salesperson personality, and yet I am getting into a field where I have to "pitch" or sell my ideas to seasoned actors, executive producers (financiers), and distributors...people who have a lot of power and money. This doesn't come easy to me and you can bet that I've had to settle the butterflies in my stomach many times before I've picked up the phone or met face to face these people. But I don't let this stop me. I do my homework, rehearse what I'm going to say, and when I feel I'm prepared, I go for it. Remember that as long as we are alive we have the ability to grow and change by working on our weaknesses and improving our strengths. By doing this you will be able to open up doors in your life that you didn't think were possible.
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Postby pattyn » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:16 pm

REALLY? Oh, Patty, you can't really believe that ... do you? Good jobs aren't going begging ANYWHERE.
Why wouldn't they be? In fact, how COULDN'T they be? Our unemployment rates right here are below the level at which there's a large enough pool for employers to fill all positions with qualified help. If skilled jobs are not going begging here right now, we're defying economic history. And I see plenty of anecdotal evidence of such jobs going begging here. A quick look at indeed.com, which shows how long a job has been listed, convinces me that many local employers are not finding the applicants they want in the week it took back when resumes got mailed in and unemployment was over 10%. I went to a small professional association meeting last week, maybe 30-40 people, and the president asked if anyone wanted to announce any positions they were trying to fill. Most people who attend these meetings aren't hiring managers, but still we were asked to help find people to fill four open positions at three companies. I just checked another professional association's local job board. There are six current openings. Attendance at their monthly meetings is around 60 people, so that seems pretty darn high, and four of them were posted more than two weeks ago. Experience required for them: none, none, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, and 3 years. No graduate degree required for four of them. I expect that every one of them pays more than $40K per year, one of them at least $75K + bonuses. The PA Department of Labor and Industry reported the latest labor statistics on Monday, and the unemployment rate and total number of unemployed people in the state both dropped again in December.
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