Obstacles to action when you know what you want

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inspired
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by inspired »

barbara, are you still reading this thread? was just thinking re this issue today and happened on this thread -- my obstacles (would love to know what to do about them) 1st, there's so much societal at-that-place-in-life stuff going on to deal w/: fertility/relationship/elderly parents w/health problems living alone, apart/huge financ issues which can only be solved by changing legislation/phys problems which preclude "real" career -- @ same time, I think of zillions ideas daily for books/articles/inventions/organizations/etc. but i have noticed that if some crisis comes along, everything gets dropped, and somehow i never manage to pick up that book proposal or article idea I was going to send out. it's like my brain pushes it to the back @ the slightest provocation. as u responded earlier to person who finally got dog; yes, there was someone early life saying everything too hard, that everything fun and worthwhile and really challenging for other people, etc., so there's a feeling that no matter how talented i am it won't happen. when i read about successful people i constantly think there's something wrong w/me b/c i'm not as successful as i'd like to be. OK, so the really imp thing is, how to get around all this stuff?

Tituba
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by Tituba »

I emailed Barbara to look at this classic, great post. I reread it myself. Such great discussions. I was thinking tonight about my own past and resistance. I had parents that both had very low self esteem. When their kids failed at something, they would actually laugh at us and tell us that we weren't good enough. My parents also called their kids names and humilated us. They also encouraged us to humilated each other. So, I learned not to try unless I knew with certainty I'd win. This has stopped me time and again from doing what my heart desires. That lingerig soundtrack of being laughed at by the very people who are suppose to be there when you fall, is a challenge. Maybe that is why when people are supportive and compliment me there is a little voice telling me they are wrong. I know that pointing backwards in time to people who are no longer in my life is an excuse, however, it is sometimes hard to turn off the programming. But, at least I recognize it for what it is. Now it is a matter of creating a new program. I think getting over your stuff, your story is the life long challenge for all of us.

MDG
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by MDG »

Tituba, A long time ago I read a well-known psychologist...his first name may have been Bradford. He had discovered a little trick for helping his clients past an answer of "I don't know." Whenever a client replied, "I don't know," he asked the question, "Well, if you did know, what might the answer be?" Perhaps that triggered speculation, and the client was then able to imagine some guesses. I don't know if this idea helps you, but I'd like to add another suggestion that has been useful to me... I like to look at the 'up' side of things. If I had a sore toe, I would first look at the toe when it wasn't sore, when I could freely move it without pain, and imagine it operating perfectly. Then I'd go on with what I'm doing in other departments. I figure that I will automatically favor or baby that toe, as much as it needs, without the need for me to 'figure' further. I find that, if more immediate attention is needed, my toe will let me know. In matters of memory, we can really only guess what was going on, and what the long-term effects might be. I switch my thoughts to simple speculation, for now, do whatever seems the right thing to do, and put the concern aside while I get on with whatever is in front of me at the moment. Looking back, I see I got much further than I had expected to in my former moments of despair. ...For I didn't always take the simple way out, once upon a time. :D My best, Mahara

BarbaraSher
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by BarbaraSher »

Nothing for now, but when I get back from Germany, Greece, Italy (workshops, grandson, retreats, in that order) I'll be back and will have a 3 CD set for Resistance. Run do not walk to the nearest geniuspress.com in may. After that I 'll run some more resistance teleclasses. And I can't wait. I love 'em. Signed, The Resistance Whisperer

skannie
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by skannie »

Workshops in Germany??? Where? When? How?
www.beyond-mountains.com
www.scannertribe.com
Scanner Tribe Group on Facebook
Scanner Tribe group on LinkedIn
Twitter - @scannertribe

Nunya
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by Nunya »

BarbaraSher wrote:Is there something out there that would add to your happiness -- something that you know is do-able -- but you you're not doing anything to make it happen?
I'm glad to see that this thread is still active...wow, eight years later! How's everyone doing? Any closer? My obstacles, the short of it: Money (isn't it always) Schedule Conflicts (between paying job and going back to school to study my dream field) Extended family disapproval (not as big of an issue, but still very much there) Primarily though, it always comes down to money, for every single one of us or else we WOULD all be living our "ideal day." Specifically, I need a steady passive income of at least what I make now, so that I can quit the *cough* "good enough" *cough* paying job and wage slavery, and my time is for the first time in my life, my own to do with as I see fit. The older I get the more I resent sacrificing what I WANT to do for what I HAVE to do. And yet, what I HAVE to do is what pays the bills for what I WANT to do. It literally is the modern-day version of Catch-22. And yeah, I second the person who said that when you're trapped in a soul-sucking career for 10 hours a day to pay the bills, because it's the only place you can get hired and earn that income just for basic living expenses, there is simply no energy left for evening or weekend passion work. I admire those who can do it, but I'd rather find a way to do what I love during my waking hours, and at the same time make enough money through that or passive income for living expenses. Like Mother says though, "nice work if you can get it."

DJCNOR
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by DJCNOR »

Mine is networking. My husband (a social worker) says I have aspects of Aspergers. When talking with another single person, I know I should find out about them and then tell them what's useful for them to know about me, but I hate rooms full of strangers, and I can't think of a thing to say one-on-one, though I'll speak up when no one else will. I'm plain looking and I like to dress one of two ways, blue-jeans casual or very exotic (something I bought from a fine craftsperson or something very ethnic). I hate classic business dress with a passion. Put me in it and I feel like I'm trying to pass myself off as something I'm not. So I'm either scaring people away or making them uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable. Talking about myself, I tend to ramble on. I tend to go away from networking meetings feeling shut out and feeling much worse about myself than when I went in. Given all this, it's practically impossible to force myself to do them. Add on that I don't have a car and have to wait for a bus each way, and I just don't do it. Money's mine, too. The older I get, the worse I get at being willing to do something just for the money. At the moment, I'm compromising by working a job I hate for 24 hours at enough pay that we can get by with little to spare, and trying to develop other ways of making a living the other two days. But that's when my scanner gets active, so that I'm working on 6 or 7 different possibilities, each for a small amount of time because I have no idea which is most likely to do the trick. DJC

coachholli
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by coachholli »

For me it's fear, confusion, and indecisiveness. I feel that at mid-life the stakes are higher. If I go back to school to be a social worker, I won't be able to save $$ for retirement. Meanwhile, I have a hard time letting go of a goal even if it isn't working out. Money is a huge issue because I don't have it now.

dani
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by dani »

inspired wrote:barbara, are you still reading this thread? was just thinking re this issue today and happened on this thread -- i have noticed that if some crisis comes along, everything gets dropped, and somehow i never manage to pick up that book proposal or article idea I was going to send out. it's like my brain pushes it to the back @ the slightest provocation. as u responded earlier to person who finally got dog; yes, there was someone early life saying everything too hard, that everything fun and worthwhile and really challenging for other people, etc., so there's a feeling that no matter how talented i am it won't happen. when i read about successful people i constantly think there's something wrong w/me b/c i'm not as successful as i'd like to be. OK, so the really imp thing is, how to get around all this stuff?
I have been feeling like limp rag for three days, and here I pull up this thread which speaks directly to my own quandary. :shock: inspired, I'm including the parts of your post that state exactly how I feel. I have been thinking lately that I really haven't achieved anything in over 25 years. Now I'm at an age where I can''t really count on a period of good health, it may just be one thing after another. I've gotten to the point where there are times when I don't even care if I realize my dreams. I'm probably still recovering from last year's big time trauma and treatment, but it seems like there's moss somewhere in my brain that I can just let my ideas float into and not even care. When I was in an achievement mode, it just seemed to create a lot of loneliness. Rarely did I get the kind of attention I thought that accomplishing things brings. Part of that is not being very good at office politics, so I have tended to get a better reception elsewhere. But that's all ancient history, chronicled in a couple of editions of WWAW. I'm frustrated that I've got a couple of new digital hearing aids, covered by insurance, and even they aren't going to give me the boost I had hoped for. Still can't control the auditory environment, I'm afraid. Tituba, I was so sad to read about your background. Why such terrific and talented people have to go through all of this is beyond me. Congratulations on really getting your act together.
I think getting over your stuff, your story is the life long challenge for all of us.
That's so true, and I did it when I was younger, so why can't it happen again? It gets harder as we age, and that's probably why we have all of these mid to late life people wandering around these forums. Well, at least some make it through, like the lady in her early sixties in her best job ever. dani :?

Halcyon Chapter
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by Halcyon Chapter »

In the field of psychology there is a lot of fascinating research, often written about in very dense, academic language (I call it Egg-speak), so normal people don't realize how interesting it is. A lot of research has been done on the subject of motivation. The stuff about the "principle of least effort" is relevant to this thread. A biggie in the research about "learned helplessness" is Martin Seligman, or at least I think his first name is Martin. He kept dogs in cages and I think when they opened the doors, the dogs received shocks if they tried to go out. Then the doors were opened, and no shocks. But the dogs stayed in the cages and didn't try to come out anymore. There is also a lot of research about how people respond to change. Many researchers think it is a stable, permanent personality trait. Some people can't tolerate change, and some people go out and initiate it. If you wanted to do a search on PsychInfo or something like that, the terms to use would be "need for closure" and "uncertainty orientation." Back when I was on a strict diet and didn't let a grain of sugar in any form pass my lips for two years, I had a lot more energy and in fact a whole different outlook on life. I think the physical has a lot to do with it, in addition to emotional/psychological. And then there is the fact that, besides being an old crone of 46 with a lively, self-weaning someday, sleep-sharing toddler aged three, I'm just plain lazy. And to compress a hundred paragraphs into one sentence, I feel guilt if I do something fun for me if I have not first completely perfected myself, published a book or two, taken great care of my child and husband, and cleaned my house so you can eat off the bathroom floor, organized all the clutter....etc. And since I'm a very tired (but happy!) mom, you can imagine how close I am to doing all the aforementioned (not! as in never!). LOL But then, I do have great joy in my life now anyway, as I savor these fleeting, beautiful, sweet years with my daughter. Laughter, fascination, awe, contentment, heart-bursting love and adoration, fun, fun, pure fun. Time enough later to sleep, achieve, do fun things I can't share with my daughter. Halcyon (aka Cat)

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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by avrum68 »

BarbaraSher wrote:I'll be back and will have a 3 CD set for Resistance. Run do not walk to the nearest geniuspress.com in may.
That's music to my (resistance)ears Barbara. I'm taking part in a tele-class (for therapists opening a private practice) and the theme of the tele-class was "resistance". Anyway, when I mentioned your name, the leader/instructor knew your work, and your name and other relevant info were conveyed to the class. Oddly enough, none of the participants heard of your work (shrinks...go figure). Anyway, here's to hoping you have 9 more fans.

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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by avrum68 »

Tituba wrote: I know that pointing backwards in time to people who are no longer in my life is an excuse
Only if you do so as an excuse for non-action and projection.
But, at least I recognize it for what it is.
For the dynamically oriented folks on this board, to "know thy self" is a worthy goal. Alas, the "quick fix" brief-solution focused therapies have convinced so many that "looking backwards" is meaninless and unhelpful. A shame really.
I think getting over your stuff, your story is the life long challenge for all of us.
Which is why Freud (and most psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapists) recommended entering/exiting therapy over the course of a life time. Which is why most religions have the same prayers/rituals....year, after year, after year. The work is never done. There's no end point. It's the ol' "journey" thing... Good post Tituba

Beebelle
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by Beebelle »

Personally my resistance comes in the form of (in no particular order) you dont know 'how' to do that. you cant leave your job you dont have time you dont have the money you dont have the qualifications no one wants that you dont 'look' right for that not clever enough not cool enough NOT KNOWING WHAT I WANT!! (more then anything - see my quandry in 'decisions decisions' post.) many others, ill add as i think of them!

MoreMagic
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by MoreMagic »

Nothing for now, but when I get back from Germany, Greece, Italy (workshops, grandson, retreats, in that order) I'll be back and will have a 3 CD set for Resistance. Run do not walk to the nearest geniuspress.com in may. After that I 'll run some more resistance teleclasses. And I can't wait. I love 'em. Signed, The Resistance Whisperer
It's June! Bumping and hoping for more info, aware that The Resistance Whisperer has a lot on her plate at any given time . . . . :)

cshore knitter
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Re: Obstacles to action when you know what you want

Post by cshore knitter »

My obstacles to getting what I want can change on any given day and run the gamut from not feeling qualified to do what I want to do, anger at the fact that at 51 years of age I still don't have enough time to do what I want to do, to still not being able to set goals that are concrete enough to start going after. Resistance seems to have a field day with me!!!! Any word on the CD set on resistance? or the teleclasses?

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