Fear and Barbara's books

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Fear and Barbara's books

Postby dtg » Wed Nov 07, 2012 3:23 pm

Hello,

Not sure if this is the right forum to ask this question (if not, please feel free to move me, monitors) but I have read Refuse to Choose and am on Chapter 4: Goalsearch in Wishcraft. I have HUGE fear issues. Stupid ones. Crippling ones. Avoidance issues. As in "can't start that query letter to that magazine about my article idea because - well I've got dishes to do." And then I conveniently forget to write the query letter until lo and behold - there are MORE dishes to be done. That kind of stuff. I hate it. And I want it gone.

From what I have read so far, Barbara's writing really speaks to me. She "gets me". I am not a lover of self-help books in general as I find so many of them don't really help me at all, so when I find one that really does help I am ever so grateful. And that is what happened when I read RTC. And what is currently with Wishcraft.

So a question for the members of the forum. Of all of Barbara's books, which would you say has the best tools for banishing fear?

Thanks in advance for your advice!
dtg
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Re: Fear and Barbara's books

Postby emspace » Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:55 am

Hi dtg,

You have what Barbara calls resistance. We all do. Sometimes your Resistance means well; it's trying to prevent future pain for you. On the other hand, it's often irrational because it really has no idea about the pro vs con ratio; it's just an instinctual, animal self-protection. Barbara speaks about Resistance and how to wrestle it back into its cage in most of her books. I guess I'm not the best person to recommend a book and chapter for you because I haven't read all of her books and although Resistance is also a huge problem for me at times, at others, I just jump in and "action" something before I can really think about the consequences. That's part of my nature, so it might not be yours.

Have you tried fooling yourself into taking smaller bites out of your action steps? One day you pass your desk on the way to get the laundry, and you just sit down, pull out some paper and a pen, and start sketching points to include in a query letter. When you start feeling Resistance to go further into polishing, you stop and get the laundry.

Later, you notice the scribbles on that sheet, and you pick it up and read them over. Immediately go to your computer and type them in, maybe in full sentences, maybe in order or not. When Resistance shows up again, you save the file to your desktop, and do the dishes.

The next time you're on your computer, you see the file on your desktop, and open it, read it, rearrange some of the sentences, polish more, put your name at the bottom, your target at the top...

Like that, keep doing bits in stages and eventually it'll get done, despite your Resistance. I often do housework, hobby work, or productive work as avoidance for one of the others. The only way for me to get something done is to do it sideways, to avoid something else that I should also be doing. It's important for me to think of the little bit I'm doing now as just a little bit, and not the whole thing. Sometimes, I'll end up doing the whole thing anyway because at a certain point, I'll just get obsessive about getting it done. Or, I'll leave a tiny bit unfinished at the very end. And that last little bit, I'll have to sneak in somewhere again.

Don't worry, dtg, you're not alone!
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Re: Fear and Barbara's books

Postby mango » Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:11 pm

Great advice! :D
'Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how.
We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.'

-- Agnes de Mille
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Re: Fear and Barbara's books

Postby dtg » Thu Jan 17, 2013 2:57 pm

Thanks for the advice! It's great to know that I am not alone. I am almost finished Chapter 7: Barn-raising in Wishcraft and I have to say just by reading the book things are getting better. I've managed to create a workspace for myself (finally) and I feel different - like I have a place to write so therefore I am a writer. I've gotten back to setting up my website and am very gently easing my way into writing again. I am hoping the momentum keeps going. There is a chapter on Fear in this book and I can't wait to get to it. If anyone has any other suggestions about Fear-conquering in Barbara's books I'd love to hear them.
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Re: Fear and Barbara's books

Postby Elaine Glimme » Tue Feb 26, 2013 12:25 am

On these boards under "Deep and shallow discussions" look for the thread about resistance and see if any of the comments speak to you. Barbara Sher started the thread, and wrote some of the posts. Also, in Barbara's book "I Could do Anything If I Knew What It Was" there's a chapter on resistance. That's the one that spoke best to me, but I think she talks about resistance in most of her books if not all of them.

Baby steps are one of the ways to overcome resistance - small, manageable steps that get you toward your goal. Having a friend who will cheer you on, and to whom you can be accountable also helps.

Resistance is a problem for most of us. otherwise we'd probably all be rich and famous. :lol:
good luck.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
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Re: Fear and Barbara's books

Postby dtg » Sat Aug 24, 2013 9:10 pm

Thanks Elaine - I am just reading your post now. I will check in the Deep and Shallow Discussions thread. And thanks for the book recommendation.
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