Positive Thinking - Let's chat about it...

[KarenP]

Hi all,

Well, I'm one of those people who has thought that positive thinking is a great approach to handling difficult situations. After Barbara talked in a video about positive thinking being over-rated as far as the road to success, I immediately wanted to learn more about her teachings.

I've been using "look at the positive" in a situation that I'm in and frankly, it's still an unpleasant situation.

It seems that there's value in having "confidence" that you can make your way through whatever comes up. Also, positive self talk--when it makes good sense--can be of value. It's freeing, though, to have permission to gripe a bit! I think that helps us size up the situation.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you changed your view on positive thinking? How has it affected your life and/or the way you do things.

Cheers!
Karen

[inspiresuccess]

Hi Karen,

Quick comment, then I'll come back and share my personal experiences later, as a long-time B. Sher "follower".

Barbara's approach on positive thinking is this (correct me if I'm wrong, folks):

1. If it works for you, great. Use it.
2. If it doesn't work for you, follow B.Sher's approach as an alternative. It might work better for you.
3. If they both work for you, feel free to combine them. Barbara's approach is all about what works best FOR YOU.

Inspire

[inspiresuccess]

Okay, I just took a look at the book. You've cruised along just fine until you hit the chapter, Hard Times, or The Power of Negative Thinking.

That's where you got stuck. This chapter is the essence of her approach to positive thinking. The last paragraph of this chapter totally sums it up. It's okay that you got stuck here. Maybe positive thinking has worked really well for you. If so, use it. There may be a point in the future where you get stuck and positive thinking doesn't work. That's the point when you might want to try her approach.

Barbara wants you to do WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. What she offers in all her books are HER IDEAS. Just "ideas". She's very flexible. She WANTS YOU TO EXPERIMENT. Find what works for you.

Good luck! Inspire

[KarenP]

Hi Inspire,
Nice to chat with you!
As I re-think (ha, pun) my position on positive thinking, positive thinking itself doesn't seem to do anything for me as far as moving me toward my goal. Positive self talk seems to help me a lot, which I think Barbara is building toward with the things I wrote that others would say about me.
I used positive self talk recently when I had to give a presentation. Something really tiny happened the afternoon before the presentation and it got me thinking negatively. I caught myself the morning before I presented and I gave myself a great pep talk (it was all true...smiles). I also reminded myself of things that would support me in my goal (a presentation that gave the audience valuable information and moved them into action). It worked beautifully for me, everyone seemed to get something out of what I presented and my "lab" afterward was busy with lots of participants.
Wow, thanks for helping me to bring this to the surface!
Karen

[inspiresuccess]

Congrats! You were able to pinpoint exactly WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU! And put it into action!

And congrats on the great presentation, which is moving you towards your bigger goals!

Way to go!

Inspire

[KarenP]

Thanks, and yes! I didn't quite realize it until I posted here.

I really understand what Barbara says about isolation. I live in an enviable situation, old farm, lots of land. But, it can be very isolating because there aren't many like-minded types nearby (very different culture). It's a trade-off, and I'm still navigating how it works for me. Thank goodness for the internet and especially for finding this forum!

Karen

[KarenP]

I also think I have to mentally have my ducks in a row and know where I stand on an issue. That can be tricky. Maybe there's some middle ground on that one. It's hard to know where you stand on big issues...maybe you have to "step" into things so that it can show you where you stand!

[inspiresuccess]

Any other ideas/responses to the idea of "positive thinking"?

[KarenP]

I'm curious if others have used positive thinking to "talk themselves into" something that just didn't feel right for them. I think that's the danger of it.

Others?

[inspiresuccess]

Yes! That's why I don't use it most of the time.

I do use positive "talking to myself", which you mentioned earlier. If I have to do a speech or something I'm scared of, I have a good old-fashioned rant like Barbara suggests. But then I say "You can do this. Etc." I find that in combination, they both help.

But as far as talking yourself into something you don't want to do -- not a good idea.

My example above is something I've decided to do, committed to doing, am ready to do, and I'm facing it right in front of me.

If you don't mind me asking, what is it you tried to talk yourself into that was something you didn't want to do?

[KarenP]

If you don't mind me asking, what is it you tried to talk yourself into that was something you didn't want to do?

Unfortunately, the biggies. Jobs and friendships/relationships

Karen

[inspiresuccess]

Karen,

I hope you'll email me because I tried to send you a PM and it didn't work.

[KarenP]

Hei, Inspire,
I sent you an email. Did you get it? I'm going to be pretty busy the next few weeks. If we don't connect right away, I'll catch up with you later.
Take good care!
Karen

[Elaine Glimme]

]Hi, I just found these posts.

I use both tools, positive thinking and negative thinking. Sometimes I just need to vent, and then I'm done venting, and I can go ahead with my life. Sometimes I need to balance the venting with some positive thinking. I can get really down, think everything is awful, and I need to see the bigger picture, see that there's a lot of good in the world and in my life. Without some positive thinking - without some idea that what I do can succeed, I would do nothing. Why put yourself out there if you know you're going to fail? That's where I need the positive I need to tell myself, that, yes, I might fail, but I might also succeed. And I have to decide (with head, not heart) whether the risk is worth it.

I think positive thinking is a good strategy for dealing with people. Since no one's perfect, everyone can get on your nerves. If you come at people with a positive attitude, they are more likely to be generous and friendly than otherwise. I knew a man who was the most negative person you'd ever want to meet. He had something bad to say about everyone, and he was always right. You don't want to be a doormat, but sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[inspiresuccess]

I'm rereading Wishcraft. On page 41 Barbara says, "...you sorely need some positive tapes that you can play whenever the negative ones get too insistent."

I think that's what we're talking about here. There is definitely a time and place to use positive messages. Barbara's suggestion of rants works some of the time. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. And sometimes it helps to combine the two like Elaine is saying.

I think what Barbara objects to and says doesn't work is the type of "positive thinking" that involves saying over and over again:

I am brave, I am brave, I am brave.
I am successful, I am successful, I am successful.
I am a high achiever, I am a high achiever, I am a high achiever.
I am confident, I am confident, I am confident.

I think she objects to that because she thinks it's more helpful to get out there and DO SOMETHING, TAKE STEPS, TAKE ACTION rather than talk about something and hope you become that. Her point is you can make your dreams come true even if you don't feel brave or successful or feel like a high achiever. That's why I like her books so much. They've helped me get out there and pursue my dreams DESPITE my lack of confidence, self-esteem, etc. I still feel like a mealy-mouthed wimp sometimes, BUT I STILL ACHIEVE MY GOALS despite my negative feelings.

I'm glad you brought this subject up, Karen. It's helping me clarify where I fit in with this subject. Thanks for joining in, Elaine. As a long-time BS follower, it's good to get your feedback.