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A dream of love

PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2018 1:58 am
by Scorpy

There is someone I love, she means the world to me. She helps me in different ways as I struggle with depression and other problems, she's always ready to talk about anything.

I hate my life, I wish I would disappear, almost every day, but she is the color in my life, and I will do anything for her.

We've met online, and she doesn't love me. And that hurts, a lot, and I don't know what to do sometimes, we can talk about it if though, so that helps. She knows my dream, to be with her, sometimes she's more interested in me making the dream a reality than I am. I mentally struggle a lot.

I wish I could make you understand more, but I feel like I shouldn't write more about our relationship.

So, what can I do? I know that I can't make her love me, but what can I do to be closer to my dream? She tells me to keep working on myself, but it's so hard, harder than anything, I'm trying.

Thank you for reading

Re: A dream of love

PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2018 3:05 pm
by Jason

Re: A dream of love

PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 6:24 am
by Tituba
When you are invested so much in whether one person does or does not reciprocate your feelings, you are sabotaging your own life and happiness. It is great you are finding those feelings for another person. Now, channel them into feeling that way about yourself. You say you are depressed and want to disappear. This is your main challenge. Do the work to work on yourself. This may mean counseling or perhaps see a physician in case there is a physical cause. Once you have a healthy love for yourself and your life, the right person will come into it. Until then, most people will not take on the challenge of being someone's everything.

Re: A dream of love

PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 6:53 am
by Scorpy
Probably I should have said it before, but I chose not to move on, and she knows this, and supports me through it. It hurts, but what can I do, happiness doesn't matter to me much, I can't be happy either way.

Also, I'm just not interested in dating, or being in a relationship with anyone else at all.

I want to develop myself and learn new skills, that could give me a brighter future, but I can't focus, I don't know where to start.

I feel like there's no reason to live but for her, and if I try to do something, I just feel like there's no point in it, I feel like anything that I do is a waste of time and I'm just being useless. I don't know how to break from this circle, I'm depressed all the time, and we mostly talk about how I feel, I wish I could change that.

I'm trying to escape my life through gaming and movies, it's pretty much all I do. I have hard time following steps and reaching my goals, even if they aren't that big, I have hard time setting goals too. I just wish to become a better person, for myself, for her, mostly for her.

I feel like I'm not in control of my own life, my childhood was bad, yet it was the only time I was happy, because I was a child. I don't have a father, I moved from my country to live in Cyprus 11 years ago. I can't support my mother, because It's illegal for me to work right now. I feel useless, a burden to everyone, living feels harder as years go by, and I wish I could just disappear. I also stutter, I'm afraid of talking, so I don't go outside if it's not necessary. I'm stuck in my hopelessness, as much as I'm stuck in the dream in my mind that I wish to make reality one day. No one could ever love me as I am right now.

Any advice is very appreciated. Thank you for reading