Desires for love, fulfilling work...

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Desires for love, fulfilling work...

Postby Andrew_ » Wed Jan 06, 2016 2:56 pm

Dear friends,

Those words keep echoing in my mind, "Isolation is the dream killer." Dead dreams sound so sad. If I can somehow revive yours and mine, I want to!

I'm a quiet person with a rich depth of feeling. (INFP describes me well; see personalityjunkie.com, personalitypage.com, 16personalities.com.)

I hunger for love with a woman. A love that brings her joy through daily loving actions. A gentle, lasting reverence that never judges, but only listens to her with full, respectful attention.

I can't go a day without sweet, soft, simple music to nourish the loving spirit I seek. (Examples:
  • Carlotta Ferrari "Portatori di sogni"
  • Arvo Pärt "Spiegel im Spiegel"
  • Franz Liszt "Berceuse S174/1"
  • J. S. Bach cello suite BWV1011 (the sarabande) and cello sonata BWV1027 (the andante)
). Being a perfectionist, I can't judge my musical ability, but one of my "multiple lives" would be "sensitive pianist and healing composer".

Language is a significant thread in my life, and maybe I'm a bit scannerish... I've started several foreign languages (my favorite is German) but not to fluency. I'm exceptionally skilled with written English and have a flair for summarizing/rewriting/revising. (In fact, any kind of clutter bothers me.)

I feel stuck, too much even to have a real question yet. But there must be some way to get /there/... Very small steps would work best.

I'd be grateful for gentleness. I think we all have something fragile inside ourselves.
Andrew_
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Re: Desires for love, fulfilling work...

Postby SquarePeg » Thu Jan 07, 2016 11:10 am

There are the New Age healers who claim to heal with the sound of singing bells, chimes, gongs, etc. I don't think musical ability is necessary for this kind of practice, but a sensitivity to how sound interacts with the body would be important.

I tend to want to worship women as if I am connected with their inner Goddess.
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Re: Desires for love, fulfilling work...

Postby Andrew_ » Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:29 pm

Thank you for writing, SquarePeg. I focus much more on how music affects the feelings, but it's marvelous how it affects the entire person. I admire how Arvo Pärt puts it:
You can kill people with sound. And if you can kill, then maybe there is also the sound that is opposite of killing. And the distance between these two points is very big. And you are free--you can choose.


Your comment about worshiping women fascinates me... I'd love to hear more about what you're thinking. I'm very conscious of what I feel, but it's so hard to describe without misunderstandings.

Love alone might look nice at first, but without respectfulness love is a horrifying monstrosity. Reverence alone is a noble and fitting reaction, but there's too much distance. Your empathy becomes too abstract and not human, practical, and _heart_felt enough. Together, love and reverence make beautiful companions.

Now, high time for me to go live this out.
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Re: Desires for love, fulfilling work...

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Jan 08, 2016 10:49 am

I really like that quote about sound. Thank you for posting it!

Also, I like what you wrote about how important it is to couple respect with love in a relationship. Just think of my tendency to worship women as a more intensified degree of respect. There's a great deal of altruism involved, so that any kind of love-making in a committed relationship is primarily meant to please her more than myself. I could never take advantage of a woman.
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Re: Desires for love, fulfilling work...

Postby Andrew_ » Fri Jan 08, 2016 11:42 am

Thank you for expanding on that. I have no patience with taking advantage of a woman, any more than you do. For the rest of what you said, I'm sympathetic (and probably completely agree in the end), but for myself I wouldn't say quite the same thing or in quite the same way.

Maybe I'm naïve, but I'm not an altruist. I don't believe in calculating what pleases her but doesn't please me. I'd rather listen, deeply care, wholly feel with her. I'd rather take delight in whatever pleases her, because it pleases her. If she's excited that Daddy does all the taxes and washes all the dishes and changes the kids every day, I want to be excited about that too.

If we had the perspective of some real women on these issues, that would be very enlightening (perhaps frighteningly so).

====================Edit, the next day (the 9th)====================
This topic is getting unwieldy pretty fast, but I wanted to add a few more observations.

----------------------------------Theory vs. Practice in this thread----------------------------------
First, I'm marveling at how easily I started theorizing. Of course you need ideals before you can live them out. But the theorizing is wasted if you _don't_ ever live the ideals out. I'd like to stay focused on the practical here.

If you actually give me concrete steps to carry out, I might squirm and drag my feet for quite some time. That doesn't mean I'm satisfied with imagining a beautiful life rather than living it. Once I get used to the ideas, once I see there's no easy way around, once I get some friendly nudges, maybe I'll actually take your sound advice, and then I'll thank you.


----------------------------------How do I heal people's spirit?----------------------------------

Also, I don't want to start a blog here, but I may add a couple more minor insights as I grope my way to clarity.

I recently did Barbara's Job from Hell exercise. It's easy and perversely fun, as she said it would be. I said I'd work in some army, and spend all day destroying as many people and things as I could, with many ghastly details.

The logical next exercise, Flipping the Negative, is taking much more effort. But I was just pondering (and this gets back to the Arvo Pärt quote I posted above), what is the opposite of killing for me? Healing the feelings. Making people feel loved and cared about.

So far so good, but there are a couple complications. For one thing, I can't stand seeing people suffer without being able to relieve their pain. That's why I've completely steered away from anything healthcare-related (and also medicine contains just way too much impersonal science-stuff). If I had to see an endless stream of sufferers whom I couldn't comfort, I'd go insane. The thought of even becoming unable to empathize at all, like a funeral director,... that thought could bring tears on by itself.

In addition, I'm primarily an Introverted Feeler. That is, where "introverted" means deep and "extraverted" means broad. I need time to form bonds with a person and identify with them. Once I've bonded with someone, I can't just break ties like a cashier saying "Have a nice day" at Walmart! Music and writing might help me console more people than I could in person.


--------------------------Proofreader/Arranger/Editor/Composer/Author?--------------------------
It also struck me last night that perhaps I treat music and words much the same way. I guess I'm a sort of Transcriber, in a broad sense. (I'm thinking of Liszt's piano transcriptions, where he sometimes elevated another composer's mundane material to a whole new level.)

Give me a blank sheet of paper, and tell me, "Write your own original ideas on it." That's paralyzing, there's nothing new under the sun. Give me an orchestral piece to transcribe or something to translate into English--to translate absolutely faithfully! Presumably I can do the work competently, but it's so hard to resist tweaking, then refining, then transforming.

If I have the freedom to use little scraps of other people's ideas and recombine them and apply my own style, I can do something. Maybe I can even do wonders. We'll see about that part.
====================
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