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B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:53 pm
by Tituba

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:21 am
by BarbaraSher
Amazing to realize that the daily Survival Guide for Dreamers sent out its 364th comment today! It's been a whole year since the program started. I'm astonished how the time flew by! And the comments I've gotten all the way through have been really wonderful. I think we need to hear from a friend every day, just something that reminds us who we are and how important our dreams are, a note in our inbox reminding us to stay on track and value our dreams and helping us keep away from all those thoughts that stop us when we isolate ourselves.

Happily, lots of members seem to be starting over from Day One. That is so great! and so necessary! I think we need to be reminded over and over to keep loving our dreams and keep going after the things we're designed to do. Nothing makes life feel more purposeful. And we've all gotten so many messages in life that stop us. You know what they are - they make us think our dreams are impossible, we don't have what we need to go after them, etc. etc. All not true! We need to be reminded every day who we are, and that we must remember and love our dreams and go after them.

I'm very happy about the way this program is working out for so many of you, dear friends. I hope you'll keep moving in the right direction and telling us how you're doing, right here on this bulletin board. It makes my day sunny, every day.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 5:52 pm
by mikeisjoyous
As I think about procrastinating, it's not really that I am ashamed of that within me which says "Don't move ." It's more that I feel that if I want to do something, like a spark of electricity, zap! I should immediately be able to move speedily. It doesn't happen that way. I stall like crazy. I feel like a child who doesn't want to hurt my dad by being better than him. I tell myself I am an adult now, but most of the time that doesn't work. Suggestions? Mike

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 7:27 pm
by BarbaraSher
Cry. It sounds so stupid but the young kid inside you is hurting and he has taken over, in this case thinking about your dad. Let him exppress even a little of the emotional pain and he'll rest and set you free to be an adult. But some part of all of us keeps that pain inside, and crying, or even sighing and feeling the hurt, always makes things change. Try it and tell us how it works for you.

PS: Don't 'see' the kid you were when you're expressing the pain. *Be* the kid you were.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 7:55 pm
by mikeisjoyous
I talked to Mike as my dad. Then I became Mikie.
My dad wanted a child he could guide.
But I was too different from him. I, as child,
feel like I'm beginning to forgive my
dad finally.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 8:51 pm
by BarbaraSher
But that's not what I suggested you should do. Read my instructions carefully. They have nothing to do with forgiving or not forgiving your father. They're only about the feelings of the child you were, the emotional pain that was inside and needs expressing.

Do what I suggest, just as I described it, and your procrastinating will go away for a good while and you'll be able to do whatever you want to do.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 1:22 am
by mikeisjoyous
Barbara, as I talked to Mikie, and then I
became Mikie talking back, I felt
pain coming out of my whole body.
I didn't feel like crying, but I definitely felt
pain.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:51 am
by BarbaraSher
Ah good, as long as you became Mikie and that's when you felt the pain. Good. Did you notice any change in the procrastination?

I tell this story often, but maybe you haven't heard it. It's something that happened many times when I worked with people: a corporate man came to see me. That's unusual. They usually think I'm a New Age woo-woo type of person when they don't know me. Anyway, he was a manager and loved it, but had been downsized after a merger and was out of work. He had a family and lots of expenses and was in trouble, but he had been a beloved manager for years and knew that all he had to do was call any of his ex-subordinates and ask for help and they'd be happy to help him find a new job. But he couldn't make the call. He just couldn't bring himself to do it no matter how hard he tried. He'd get near the phone and freeze.

I asked him to close his eyes and imagine he was reaching for the phone to make the call until the anxiety was intolerable and then I said "How old are you right now?"

He said, "14"
Where are you, I asked? "Coming home from school, coming in the front door. My father is sitting in one of those wing-backed chairs reading the newspaper and the minute he sees me he raises the newspaper higher to cover his face. He doesn't want to talk to me."
I persuaded him to sigh (he couldn't cry either) and he did. He let himself breathe out the hurt feelings for a while and when he was done and we had waited a few minutes I asked him to repeat the exercise.

He was able to do it with no anxiety at all. "It's as easy as asking my wife to bring me a glass of water!" he said. And that's because the 14 year old had expressed the awful feeling he had when his father did that and he was back to the reality of being an adult who remembered reality. He was able to make calls that week and had a job within a month.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:54 am
by BarbaraSher
This is a powerful exercise and done right, it seems to work every time. The anxiety comes back after a while, and the exercise has to be done again because the pain of the younger you has returned, but after awhile it becomes less and less until it almost is gone. I don't think it ever disappears completely but it almost never bothers us again.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 11:54 am
by mikeisjoyous
Barbara, I still procrastinated about getting some info for EDD. I do feel somewhat better though after letting out some feeling. I will try it again, possibly going deeper later on today after work. Thanks for being there, Barbara.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:08 pm
by mikeisjoyous
I focused on my dad putting down my dreams. I cried but still couldn't move. Next that I am so lonely. More hurt but couldn't move. Finally, my thought that I would never find love. Little more hurt, but I now felt calmer and could move Sure hope that lasts long enough to do some things.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 1:32 pm
by mikeisjoyous
Finally I focused on my whole life spent running from pain. For now, I feel freer. To me, that means I can make myself do some things, for a while anyways. I will see what I can do tonight after work.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 1:43 pm
by BarbaraSher
Good luck, Mike. That takes courage. Keep us posted.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:23 pm
by mikeisjoyous
Well, I haven't yet done my EDD paperwork. On the other hand the amount of feeling I had preventing me seems gone. Which means to me that I felt constrained by force of habit. No more. That knowledge didn't help me when I was sitting down and I couldn't get myself up to work on a number of things. Finally I decided first off to make myself do something so ridiculously easy that I knew nothing could come of it. For 3 seconds, I got up to do something. No problem. I then promised myself to do that at least once every day. After just resting an hour, I decided I wanted to get something done. Time for 3 seconds again. We'll see what happens. My promise to myself was for 1 3-second period minimally. If I want to do more, as I do this moment, fine.

Re: B. Sher - Help with Procrastination Program

PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 3:16 pm
by BarbaraSher
What's EDD? If it's something you love to do, Mike,my advice should work.

But if it's something tedious and unpleasant, of course you don't want to do it and dumping the pain isn't the way to solve it. I was led off by you mentioning you didn't want to pass up your dad.

The solution to doing unpleasant work, is to pull another person in on the project. Makes it like going running: no one really wants to at the moment, but if someone shows up who you promised to go with, you go anyway, and then you're usually glad you did.

Which is it with you? Something you'd love to do but procrastinate so you don't feel guilty about passing up your father, or some tedious task?