Not old and wise enough

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Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:24 am

Hi everyone, I'm 21 years old and i live in Italy. (i thought it was important to say)
I'll try to go straight to the point. I dropped university because I realized that faculty was not for me, or maybe people around me convinced me I was not able and smart enough..anyway, I think I know what I'd like to do in my life, but since I don't do it anymore or it's something i've never done before, everyone says it's not for me, because if it was my way I wouldn't have chosen the wrong university and I would have been doing that every day - since it's what i'm born for - or that I can't turn it into a job. I live in a very small town, I took a look around and asked if someone wanted to teach me something but they are too busy I guess. I think I need a degree, need a job, need a job to get that degree because I have no money..and I always feel like I'm wasting the time of my life. I'm not even sure I want a degree, I think I absolutely need it because this society tells me so. Plus, no one at home believes in me, I don't believe in myself either anymore. I see my friends getting what they want and I wish I was too. I hear of people around the world doing amazing things, but I know I'm not worthy enough for something like that, I'm too young, I have no experience, no degree, no one wants someone who can't do anything and waste time teaching that person, also my family thinks I'm too stupid to leave this house, I feel devastated. It looks like I'm the stupid one who has big dreams and no money or motivation or capability to do anything. The stupid one who thinks that life is all about what makes us happy and not about what society wants us to do. They think I should just go find a job, no matter which one...and then if I will ever find something better, I could switch. In the meantime, I would have lost the chance to do what I want since the first moment.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:17 pm

Welcome, Caro!

It seems that you wrote about what others think about you. Now, can you write about what you want? What would you do if you didn't need to make money? What are your big dreams? Let's pretend that we are your new family, and that we accept you and believe in you!
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Sat Sep 14, 2019 1:05 am

Thanks for replying!
I like foreign languages and cultures in general, but If I didn't need money I would move to China or Japan, I don't know why but I've spent my whole life admiring their culture. I'd love to know more about their history, all those fascinating legends, their being so in touch with nature. their religion, their manners (Japanese people most), kung fu (I'd love to learn martial arts where they actually were born), shaolin monks, discipline, their weird medicine, because reading books about all this is not enough. I'd love to write and speak Chinese and Japanese, maybe even Korean. I like drawing but I'd like to do it better. I like to design. Sometimes I have ideas about new objects I could create. I'd like to furnish rooms because I think that the environment you live in influences your mood. Also, (I don't really know how I'm going to explain this because this thought is still too abstract in my mind) I'd like to "help" (as far as possible) American military because the lives they're living are full of sacrifices. On the other hand, I'd like to help people who suffered because of those militaries, because unfortunately, they are a lot.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Elaine Glimme » Tue Sep 17, 2019 11:43 am

You are already doing some of the things you want to do. You've studied a lot about China and Japan. You are drawing and you'd like to be better. Have you fixed up the environment in your home to make it a happier place for you?

I have no idea what your university experience was like, but, what???????
In the US we have community colleges that don't cost much and you can take classes there. You can work toward a degree or just take a class because you are interested in the subject. Like drawing. And no judgement.

AS for going to Japan or China, I'm not the person to address this, but in the old days, Barbara Sher would have said there are many ways to travel with it costing much. - Companion to someone with limited mobility. Job on a ship.

As for helping - do you like to write letters? There are a lot of other things you can do. If you volunteer your time, you can work as little as you want.

You last post, where you talked about the things you want to do was like fresh air after being cooped inside the house.

These are just some ideas I thought of. Maybe some will appeal to you. Maybe not. You'll probably be more excited about the things you come up with by yourself.

Okay, back to the real world. Is money a problem? Can you get a job that's not horrible that will pay your bills, and let you do the things you want on your spare time?

One more thing - you are twenty-one. You are just starting out. Probably, you will try some things that don't work. That's life. That happens. If it does, try something else.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby SquarePeg » Tue Sep 17, 2019 7:57 pm

There's a lot that I admire about the Chinese and Japanese cultures, too. In fact, I recently joined a Japanese-based Buddhist organization, and I studied Reiki, the Japanese healing art of "laying on of hands". When I was a few years older than you, I started taking Karate. And one of my current doctors is treating me partly by using the principles of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). BTW, I'm a middle-aged white guy who lives in the northeastern part of USA.

All children in USA are required to study a foreign language in order to complete the public education. The two main choices are French and Spanish. Here in my part of USA, some study Chinese instead. But it's not taught in the classroom -- students study online. The argument in favor of learning Chinese is that it's good for business since manufacturing and emerging markets are greater in China than in USA. (Although now it may be Vietnam that's really emerging, especially with USA's trade war with China.)

You're not a child, but I wrote the previous paragraph to demonstrate that I know that the study of Chinese has a lot of practical advantage. Even knowing only the customs is important. In fact, international companies pay to have their key employees trained on Japanese and Chinese customs. And I wonder why the people around you don't understand that. Is it because you live in a very small town? Could everyone there be so uninformed and narrow-minded about this? If so, it sounds like a tremendous opportunity to educate folks in your region, and it may be that you already know more than anyone else around you!

I'm not ready to offer meaningful advice, yet.

But there's an autobiography you might enjoy called "American Shaolin." I read the book, but I see there's also a movie with the same name (but it's not the same story). Maybe this will inspire some hope and offer brief respite from your situation.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Fri Sep 20, 2019 5:04 am

Elaine Glimme, thanks for your interest but no, the situation at home is pretty much the same...
Doing what I've done till now is not enough for me tho. Reading books, watching movies...this is not learning about a culture, it's just showing some interest, I can't say I actually know something. I want to see, touch, feel everything I've always only read or watched about. I have the need to see with my eyes everything I want to know. And no, I'm not more excited about the things I came up by myself, probably because when I think I finally figured out the solution I think it's not something I could actually do; indeed when it's somebody else that comes up with an apparently crazy idea I think "oh that's great let's do it".
I appreciated your other ideas though, you made me think about it. I am looking for a job right now, I'm trying to become a flight attendant, I'm waiting for the email that will tell me if I passed or not and eventually start the training course. But I don't know why I'm scared, I'm a lot nervous, it's like I feel I'm doing everything wrong and working on a plane is not what I want to do...they will send me away in few years and then I'll have to start all over again. I don't really know what I feel right now. I only know that I don't want to be content of what I can easily get, I'm not spoiled, I'm pretty sure about that, I just don't want to say "oh, ok it doesn't matter, I take what I can get"...but what if I can get more than I think? why shouldn't I try?

"content" is like the Italian word "contento" that comes from Latin and it means "withhold, hold back" ..if you start thinking about this word in that way as I do, when people around you say "I'm content" you notice that something's wrong.
Instead the word happiness it's linked to the word happen, so happiness is the courage to make things happen and not just keep holding what we already have.

Anyway, what do you mean by "writing letters"? Could you explain better, please?

SquarePeg I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the autobiography you suggested me, it's something I always wanted to do, I wonder if the fact that I'm a girl might be a problem for monks.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:05 pm

"Enlightened monk always welcome problem." (It sounds like a Chinese proverb, but I just made it up! :lol:

Another idea I had is that you check out "Work Away." This is an online community of people who are willing to hire folks and people who need to work. But the catch is that instead of a traditional salary, the employers provide room and board plus a small stipend. Usually the "employee" has to pay the travel expense.

My daughter did a Work Away job one summer at a Vegan Farm. It was an awesome experience for her, and the employers were very nice and gave her an amazing cookbook, too!

So I know there's a "domestic" version (from my perspective, that would be US-based jobs for US people). But I think there's also an international version, although I don't know if that's limited to US people finding jobs abroad. With You-Know-Who in charge of the USA, I can't imagine many foreigners allowed to come to the US without a very good reason. Here, I've done a search for you on the site, based on "Traditional Chinese Medicine" in Asia:
Search Result
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Sat Sep 21, 2019 11:51 pm

Nice "proverb" haha.. thank you for searching for me though, I appreciate. I took a look at it and I think it would be great. I just think I have to wait for the recruitment results first, but you definitely hit the target.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Elaine Glimme » Mon Sep 23, 2019 9:34 am

Hi, Caro,

I'm just cheering you on, right now. You said you come from a small town. I think you would learn a lot with either the Work Away project that Square Peg wrote about or working as a flight attendant. You would see parts of the world outside your village, and learn what is possible. From what you write, you sound like someone who is eager (and a little scared) to learn new things. To try new things.

When I mentioned writing letters, I was referring to your desire to help. People in the military and sick people sometimes feel isolated and love getting letters. But after reading the rest of your posts, I have a feeling that this idea is not for you.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Mon Sep 23, 2019 11:47 am

Thank you Elaine, and yes, you're right, I am scared, but I'm scared to try not to learn. That's because I'm alone and you know, when you're alone and try sometimes to share your plans or ideas with close friends or family, it happens the 99% of the times that they only show you the reasons why it's not gonna work.

Regarding the idea of writing letters, I don't think it's what I have in my mind, even if I actually have no idea what's in my mind about that. But I still would like to find a way to be helpful.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Elaine Glimme » Mon Sep 23, 2019 1:30 pm

You said you come from a small village. So probably most of your friends and family have stayed close to home. Their message to you is likely to be "stay safe. Don't take chances." Do you have any friends or family who have traveled? Those are the people to talk to. And learn from people who have traveled and done the kinds of things you want to do. Most people love to talk about their adventures. The more you know, the less scary and the safer you'll be.

I wish you good things.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby SquarePeg » Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:18 pm

Caro wrote:Thank you Elaine, and yes, you're right, I am scared, but I'm scared to try not to learn. That's because I'm alone and you know, when you're alone and try sometimes to share your plans or ideas with close friends or family, it happens the 99% of the times that they only show you the reasons why it's not gonna work.-snip-
Oh yes, indeed. When I was your age and told my mom I was thinking of buying a bicycle, I was surprised by how opposed she was to the idea. There was the expense, the danger, and even stinky exhaust from cars.

I used to be afraid of fear and avoid anything that made me fearful. But then I realized that my fear was what helped me define my Comfort Zone, which was constantly shrinking unless I pushed back. So Fear became my ally, as I describe in a blog post called "Fear as an Ally":
https://square--peg.blogspot.com/2013/0 ... -ally.html
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Elaine Glimme » Wed Sep 25, 2019 11:50 am

Barbaraa Sher would have loved the vidio.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby SquarePeg » Thu Sep 26, 2019 3:07 pm

I've posted a reference to it before.
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Re: Not old and wise enough

Postby Caro » Tue Oct 01, 2019 9:07 am

It's weird how the things we think are normal to desire or to say to us and absurd to others.
I've taken a look at your blog though and I've seen the video. It made me spacing.
First of all, I've never watched star trek, I didn't know the content could be that deep.
I wonder why the fact that fear it's something that stops us still looks like a new discovery (maybe it doesn't and it's just me who believes that)
It seems unbelievable to think that we can reach our dreams and people like Barbara Sher are crazy and whoever believes them is a desperate fool.
Also, I was thinking, sometimes it's hard to distinguish if we don't do something because we're afraid or because someone else is afraid and transmitted us that fear, or sometimes there's actually a danger but we ignore it because we're convinced someone else put that idea in our mind.
I don't know if this delirious speech is making any sense. I understand that the presence of other people is indispensable. I give you my example, I go into a loop and sometimes it lasts days, weeks, months and talking to other people is necessary to come back out. But what if those people influence me in a wrong way? What if I only believe that the true thoughts are the ones full of fear? I mean, it doesn't make any sense if you only talk to people who think the same as you, right? You should talk to more people and understand what's the best thought. Or you should surround yourself with people like you? But it would be pretty much like talking to yourself because they will always agree with you.
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