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PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 5:54 pm
by Tituba
I'm glad something I wrote inspired someone. That is a really good feeling. It was the right decision for me.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:22 pm
by serialdreamer
I come back often to check on this thread and really I could never figure our what my interest is here as my home is generally neat and clean and I so not a pack rat - in fact just the oposite - But then I realised my desk at work is SOOOOOOOOOOOO \"cluttery\" I love being at home in my bedroom, reading, writing, painting dreaming and talking on the phone. But I don't really liek being at work and there is such a difference - I think it definitely says soemthing to me I am just not sure what - you would never think that my office and my home belong to the same person. just surmising serial....

PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:23 am
by joyous1
One of the things I just realized as I quit my part-time 2nd job that I've worked over 10 years is how very very exhausting it is to work somewhere when I know I'm not giving my all - when I know I'm just trying to get through it, basically gritting my teeth and just making it through with the minimum. Now I look at my full-time job and realize I am also so not committed to being here, BUT I've got bills etc. and it pays them and gives me a stable working place (sort of, cause they're talking strike in September - which actually may be an excellent opportunity for me to see what working someplace I don't dread going to every day, knowing that any job I pick up to make it through the strike would only be temporary so I could enjoy it for what it is rather than worry about advancing or making lots of money or benefits and all). I'm still going through clutter - its so reduced its almost non-existent but there are loose ends still to be tied up - renovation supplies that need to find a home, some paperwork that needs to be done, finances that need to be arranged, etc. But that is coming together and I feel so much freer and lighter. Then, selling the house in the fall and moving to an apartment - its going to be tough on my two elderly pets, but the freedom!!!! Man, I am so looking forward to no chores - it doesn't matter if I have people on either side of me, no snow shovelling or grass cutting, or worries about what that strange noise is in the roof when it rains - wow! And my weight, well, I've hit a little plateau but am going to try Body for Life next. I've tried several different ways of losing weight and I think a combination eating healthy and doing weights and walking works best for me. But I also strongly believe my stress hormones and disliking most of my life and not sleeping well every week when I worked the overnight shifts at the group home had a huge effect on my body. I'm also doing some work on my beliefs about safety if I'm fat. And debt, well, selling the house will clean up the debt - I'm taking a little out of the equity for paying off the renovation line of credit. Otherwise, I have managed to clear my credit card as of August 11th!!!! Big happy there.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 11:10 am
by mezzogoch
Fantastic, Joyous1. I bet you look quite slim with your San Diego tan. I have given 2 lots away since I found freecyle. (must have been on these boards somewhere) What's huge for me is that I havn't been tempted to gobble up someone else's junk because It's free.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:51 am
by Tituba
joyous - you are such an inspiration to this board! You have made such great changes in your life! serial - ah the cubicle-land mess. I've read that clutter clogs up thinking. That when you are surrounded by \"stuff\" you just go through the motions without reflection. Just speculating here - but could it be that you are avoiding looking at your job situation too closely and that is why you surround yourself with work clutter? As long as you have this never-ending project at your desk, you don't have the time or energy to attend to the job question. cc - I've started taking your advice (few pages back on this thread). I'm trying to actively ask myself \"is this the most loving thing I could be doing/eating etc.\" I'm finding by asking myself that, it slows down the automactic pilot long enough for me to make another choice. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do what I've always done. But there have been lots of occasions lately when I found myself making another choice. Thank you for that tool.

PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 6:12 am
by ChrysalisLife
I'm discovering that the autopilot thing is a key thing for me. Overweight - I eat because it's time, not necessarily because I'm hungry. Clutter - For the most part, my house and desk at work are orderly, but I have that one room that seems to suffer chronically. Now, it's my office at home. I carry the mail upstairs and just pile it on top of yesterday's stack. The book I just finished gets stacked on top of the others that I've finished reading and haven't put in a bookcase or sectioned off to get rid of. Debt - I don't have a lot of debt although I keep discovering things from my ex that are lingering and continuing to ruin my credit. I was quite proud of myself for finally getting completely debt free last year and hated that I had to go back into a debt for a car when my old one was dying a quick death. Now, even with a car and more debts I just discovered from my ex, my sum total of debt is probably not more than $10K. My problem with money though is that I never seem to be able to accumulate much in savings. Now that I'm pushing 40, saving for retirement is coming more into the limelight and for some reason, I still resist it. I mean, at my job, I have opportunities to participate in a 401K and Stock purchases. I finally signed up for the stock purchases, but I'm still resisting the 401K. WHY??? For goodness sakes, it's free money IF I stay with the company for 5 years. I think that may be the problem...FIVE YEARS. Job - As I've stated on other threads, I'm discovering that the very things that are the lowest on my scale of interest are the very things that I've been doing for a living for 20 years. I've never stayed at a job very long. Usually a year and a half to two years is my breaking point. I go in and it's fine while I'm learning new things and how to interact with new people. Even though clerical work is a real brain killer for me, I've developed the skills and am good at it. I usually end up bored, then taking on more work and never getting paid more for it. Now, I've started looking at that as a resistance killer and trying to use it to motivate myself to get out of the line of work. I love the people I work with, but the job itself is sucking my brain out. But then I think, if I'm a fantastic Administrative Assistant when it's the thing I'm least gifted at doing, just imagine what I can do in something that I'm truly gifted at. Sorry this is getting so long...can you tell I've been in introspective mode? :D Another thing that's been rolling around in my brain...Can we just design a life and do it? I mean, just decide what we want the big, all encompassing picture to look like and then go for it? I guess, sure, we CAN. But what would happen if we did? I guess that's what these boards are all about, huh?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 8:48 am
by joyous1
I wonder if I'm ever going to get to the point where I can handle anything that pops up in my life without going haywire. This weekend felt out of control and I ate so badly and gained a pound back and I've been meaning to get back into weights and can't seem to motivate myself to start. And I feel angry at myself for still being this weight and not being able to stick to a healthy eating plan when I know how badly drinking pop affects my energy level or how bloated I feel when I eat salt and how sluggish I feel when I eat too much fat. I've been realizing I dislike my job and so try not to mentally be here to get through the day - sure I do my work, but it only really needs 25% of my time and concentration and then the rest of the day I just try to make it through. So I feel guilty and horrible at work all the time. At least I quit the other one where I feel exactly the same so now I'll only feel this way 5 days of the week rather than 7!!!! And helping the fiance get rid of his stuff and renovate his house has put the crimp on me doing mine. His needs to be sold first, so that is the plan but its starting to make me feel antsy - clutter is building up and there are things to be done at my place too. At least my handling of the money situation seems to be improving although we'll see what happens as I've quit the second job and will lose 20% of my income.

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 1:01 pm
by Tituba
I've been feeling out of control for a couple of weeks now. No exercise, eating crap, gained seven pounds, piles of papers forming everywhere. Watching WAY too much mindless TV. Just clicking through the channels. This is fear and resistance. You ever feel like you were spiraling without a net?

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 3:11 pm
by audreyh1
Well, acknowledging the situation and posting here is a good step. Maybe it's time to go over to the rants thread and have a good rant about how frustrated or fearful (or whatever) you are with your current situation. Claim some energy from all the negative emotion. best! Audrey

PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 12:54 am
by GiniDee
Hey gang - Quick update. We are only TWO DAYS away from the end of de-cluttering - it's down to the paper tigers and evidence junk. :wink: Every single drawer, cabinet, shelf, file, desk, box, storage space, closet and junk bunker has been gone through and re-organized logically (not to mention labeled). All that's left is loose items needing homes. I am gradually mailing out 24 boxes of goodies to people and places who will recycle them and get use from them. That makes me happy. My new desk and computer are set up, waiting for the printer and the wireless router. It's birch, beautiful, neat and inspiring. The studio and the rest of the apartment looks huge, even with the boxes lined up for mailing or for the kids (they get another 14 boxes of extra linens, kitchen and bathroom items). It's a great feeling! 8) :lol: 8) Tomorrow I do paper sorting lying down. That rocks! Hugs and de-cluttered cookies -

PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 6:21 am
by audreyh1
Oh GiniDee, that sounds lovely. Congratulations and Yay! Audrey

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 8:56 am
by joyous1
Tituba - fear and resistance - yep, know those and that feeling that life is spiralling out of control. Yesterday was my first day \"off\" from my fiance's house and renovations and I ended up at the grocery store crying because I was just so overwhelmed and exhausted. Then I stopped to pick up a movie, thinking this would help and no, ended up binging on chips and dip and Timbits. Ugh! So much for eating so healthy and exercising so much trying to lose weight. Besides, today my face is all water retentive and my hands hurt from the salt - I feel utterly disgusting. And everybody at work is like \"wow, you look great today\" - weird. I feel like a gerbil on the wheel of life. I can't stop because I'll be run over by the fear and resistance and have to stop and deal with them. But I can't stop because there are all these time deadlines. Ahhhh!

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 5:02 pm
by Starwriter
Some very good answers here. I am living in clutter, overweight, in debt. Three out of four. The only reason I don't have a job I hate is because I'm disabled and no longer working. In my case I tend to put most of the blame on parents who were uninvolved, who never encouraged or had a kind word. Every word out of my dad's mouth was a criticism of me. My parents never expected me to excel, so ... I didn't. Some of you say there comes a time when we have to own our own behavior and make a change. What I would dearly love to know is ... HOW?? The low self-esteem seems to be so deeply ingrained (I'm 56) that I don't even know where to start! All the negativity that was my upbringing feels more powerful to me than the life force itself. How do you tell yourself you're worth more when the basic core of you doesn't believe it? The one person who really did believe in me was my late husband. He's been gone almost twelve years now. I suppose I could try achieving something with him in mind. His memory. But I know I need to do it for myself and no one else. Forgive me ... I'm rambling. But I really would like to know how you go about leaving all that baggage behind. Ellen :(

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 5:47 pm
by audreyh1
Starwriter wrote:The one person who really did believe in me was my late husband. He's been gone almost twelve years now. I suppose I could try achieving something with him in mind. His memory. But I know I need to do it for myself and no one else. Ellen :(
Well, you know the memory of your husband is part of you now - in a way your husband is actually part of you because you had this special relationship. He believed in you, so integrating the memory of him and making it a part of you seems like a really good thing. It might get you to walk the path of "acting as if" and behave as if you believe in yourself like he did. I think really good things can come of this. Doing things in your husband's memory, and realizing that the memory is indeed part of you - well, I think it is a actually way of doing it for yourself. It sure will help counteract the other messages you integrated from those who did not believe in you (or themselves, probably). Use all the positive tools at your disposal - and your husband's memory is certainly one of them. Audrey

PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 5:50 pm
by Jezicka
Starwriter wrote:Some very good answers here. I am living in clutter, overweight, in debt. Three out of four. The only reason I don't have a job I hate is because I'm disabled and no longer working. In my case I tend to put most of the blame on parents who were uninvolved, who never encouraged or had a kind word. Every word out of my dad's mouth was a criticism of me. My parents never expected me to excel, so ... I didn't. Some of you say there comes a time when we have to own our own behavior and make a change. What I would dearly love to know is ... HOW??
Wow! Lots of toughies, there, Ellen! First of all-- hats off to you for getting through a lot of really difficult things-- especially the loss of a supportive husband! I don't really know the answer to your question, but one thing that Barbara has recommended in several books is to act as if. How do you imagine you'd be if your parents had been your biggest fans? Think in very specific terms-- how you would carry yourself, what clothes you would wear, etc. Imagine you are an actor getting into character. Another thing that I find helpful is if I'm feeling down I try to find just one small thing that gives me pleasure-- a flower, the grain of a piece of wood, a bird-- to concentrate on. I look at it and enjoy it and let myself free associate other pleasant sights or experiences from my memory. And I try to imagine things in the future that would give me the same or greater pleasure. This really has terrific benefits for me-- it seems to just work miracles, not only on my mood but on my luck! In line with the topic of this thread, too, I've discovered that keeping things reasonably neat and picked up often acts as a 'pick me up' for my mood, too. I've used as well as the book "Order from Chaos" to make the transition from totally disoriented slob to moderately well-organized and orderly. Good luck!