IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby serialdreamer » Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:12 pm

I were prettier i were thinner I were richer I were better i wanted it badly enough I was a success I were not a failure People expected more from me I expected more from myself not so comfy living a mediocre life Had never heard of the phrase livine for teh moment because it implies nothing long term to me and makes me think nothing long term is worth listening to. I wanted the change that would go along with it My family was not so religious
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby Open_Mind_Canada » Tue Sep 15, 2009 3:29 pm

I Could Do Anything If Only - If it were in keeping with my personal ethics - If it was in service of a purpose which motivated and excited me - If it could be done without sacrifice of my fatherhood commitment to my 14 year old daughter - If it was something which people working together could possibly accomplish - If there were enough desire or need for it occur that it would be supported in its accomplishment by those who would benefit from it happening - If I had just enough luck in the timing and circumstances of its initiation and development
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby cshore knitter » Sun Sep 20, 2009 9:57 am

I could do anything if only - - I didn't care what other people thought about me - I knew it was the "right" thing to do - I knew I had enough talent so I could eventually succeed at it - the doing of it would be as good as I think it will be
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby Corona50 » Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:07 am

I could do anything if only I - Knew it was what I was here to do Could stop talking myself out of things Could get out of my own way Could learn to live more bravely (and not being ruled by my fears) Had more energy (was healthier - but I'm unhealthy because I eat too much - comfort eating - and don't take enough exercise - staying in comfort zone - so another one would be ... ) Could get out of my Comfort Zones (but I'd need a VERY good reason to do so) Could earn an independent living Could embrace change (without always worrying I would regret it) Could learn to listen to myself instead of others
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby BarbaraSher » Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:51 am

Just saw these for the first time, and they are fascinating. Thank you, Tituba, and all who contributed. Yes, I believe fear is behind most of these 'reasons,' and a few of you have done some good investigating of what you're afraid of ('losing hope,' for instance, was most interesting. I've heard it before, more than once, in different words. But even that level of inquiry isn't deep enough. To use this as an example, the question still remains: why would think you might lose hope? That's the level we have to dive to, to find the source. It's unfinished business and needs to be exposed. Sometimes it's a decision made by the child you once were, but what problem did it solve?
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby Tituba » Wed Oct 07, 2009 6:17 am

Barbara - here is the sister thread viewtopic.php?f=27&t=12592&hilit=hostage
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby Unity » Wed Oct 07, 2009 12:39 pm

BarbaraSher wrote: But even that level of inquiry isn't deep enough. To use this as an example, the question still remains: why would think you might lose hope? That's the level we have to dive to, to find the source. It's unfinished business and needs to be exposed. Sometimes it's a decision made by the child you once were, but what problem did it solve?
I often think that when a dream seems impossible it's because we are putting all our focus on it. And feel tortured when it doesn't happen. Because to us it nearly become a matter of life and death. We've been singled out of the billions of people on earth to miss out on this. So we could lose all hope of it ever happening as evidence shows us that we will never succeed. Every time we are near to getting 'it' a huge obstacle appears, and there is no end to them. So it's hopeless to even bother. Perhaps, we are just on the wrong path so should accept that. Yet, if we have an ounce of faith, we carry on pushing aside the neverending obstacles, feeling hopeless, yet carrying on - just in case one day it will happen just as we believe and all our problems will disappear and we will be finally happy. I think the solution to this is to stop thinking about this goal and drop it. Usually the doors open and the obstacles disappear. Not easy to drop it. That's what I've found. As I often think that if I stop this relentless pursuit just for one second, I might miss my one chance.
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby NathalieLussier » Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:36 am

I could do anything if only... -I committed to doing it. -I had the supportive environment to do it in. -I allowed myself the space to do it my way, and not worry so much about what other people are going to think about it. -I didn't worry about money, time, and all those other little "things" that I let get in the way. Thanks! :)
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby sallypz » Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:43 am

Barbara's question 'Why would you think you might lose hope?' is an interesting one. Thinking about it I found that there are two 'kinds' of hope (kinds=for lack of a better term). There is situational hope, then hope in general. Situational hope deals with a specific situation. When the situation gets overwhelming, and it looks like there is no 'real' solution, or when the situation gets so stressful that you feel you have to walk away for your own health. Hope leads you to pursue goals, to improve your life, or simply to walk away from a situation and seek your hope in another way. The other 'kind' of hope. Is life hope in general. Some years ago my husband died unexpectedly, suddenly. He came home one day from work and committed suicide. (He had been under psychatric care for a number of years & was on meds.) This is the kind of hope, in life, that he had lost. Hopelessly I stood by and watched him lose his life hope & no matter what I said or did over that time, in the end I guess I couldn't convince him that there was something to hope for. So, I believe losing this kind of hope is dangerous and could lead to a person's death. Hope is a survival mechanism. At the core of hope is faith. As unity said "If we have an ounce of faith, we carry on pushing aside never ending obstacles--just in case one day it will happen" But Unity didn't tell us faith in what...I find that in my darkest moments, when hope is low, my faith turns to God....that to me is a never ending wellspring that can take my supply of hope and fill it. I often wonder where people that don't believe in God get their (renewed) hope from. If I ever lost my faith in God I would lose hope. An interesting thing happened when I was in Moscow adopting my daughter. There was a long article in a Russian newspaper (we had an English translation of the article) about hope. The article was stating that hope was foolish, ridiculous, and useless. It claimed that having hope in any manner, for anything, or any reason was stupid. It was a full page article. It led me to wonder if hope is a learned behavior within a society or culture. I found the article very curious and surprising. After reading it I started noticing the (thousands---Moscow is very crowded) of Russian faces we passed daily in our travels---all sad, downcast eyes, quiet,pulled into themselves,not talking to each other, no laughter, no joking around (even the young soldiers traveling on the buses and convoys)--a people without a cultural belief to have hope, so it seemed to me. But Barbara's question remains, "Why would you think you might lose hope?" and she talks about a decision that I might have made as a child. I've thought about it and came up with an answer (I think). As a child I decided I was vulneralbe, and hurtable and at some point helpless to fight back against adversity. I decided I was powerless in certain situations. (I still remember the feeling that the adults were so much bigger than me and so much more powerful and capable of hurting me--I felt my child-size smallness in comparasion. I also felt a sense of betrayl and abandonment--because these were the adults that were suppose to be taking care of me and loving me--led to a very confused young adulthood)Which, as a child growing up in an abusive home that often went to school with bruises on my back and legs hidden under my clothes, was an easy decision to make about oneself. Living in that environment is also how I became quiet and shy...it too, was a choice, for self protection, for safety...because the quiet one that hid away and didn't draw attetion to herself...kept out of the limelight (of the family) often went unnoticed...thus received (much) less abuse. I am the only child of that household that survived to adulthood (I more than survived, I thrived and am not an abusive parent)....so from that I also draw the knowledge that I am capable. I also learned from that environment that it's OK to completely walk away from a hurtful or unhealthy situation and 'turn your back' on the situation and everyone and everything connected with it (although that also is not always a great thing and can cause hurt feelings in some people who are just trying to befriend me). Growing up in a very skewed environment that is the decision I think I made. I would be very curious to find out what someone growing up in a more "normal" environment might have decided. sallypz (MoxieMe)
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a shout out to Mahara

Postby Laurie » Wed Dec 16, 2009 3:22 pm

Hi Mahara - i just wanted to say i hope things have improved for you since you wrote in this discussion at the beginning of September. Sending warm wishes of support. Laurie
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby shparks » Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:42 am

Tituba wrote: "I could do anything if only I ----"
... could start all over again. ... had enough money. ... was smart enough. ... had self confidence. ... had connections. ... had help.
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby An8el » Thu Dec 24, 2009 6:38 am

I could do anything, if only I... ...was funnier. If only I could make people laugh, they would laugh and learn. ...could balance my desire to take care of others with the ability to walk my talk - for myself. ...If only I knew how to inspire others. ...if only I would exercise. I hate exercise. I need a goal, somewhere to go, something to do that makes me get out and move. Instead, I think of how much it's going to cost me in money that I don't have to get in the car and go swimming. ...If only I hadn't started from being so twisted up physically. Sometimes I am so discouraged that I'll never totally undo the limiting patterns I have been doing since before I learned to walk. ...if only I could afford to fix my teeth, maybe people would listen to what I have to offer. I hate that I have to accept social norms and can't control the petty things other people think about me. ...if only my own standards did not expand just ahead of my abilities, so that I'm always chasing behind what I feel I should already know how to do. If only I could be a better example that people would recognize as the beauty, grace and effortlessness of where I'm pointed. If only people could see how far I've come, how much I've learned. Instead, people want instant results. ...If only I didn't have to educate people before they could even recognize that they desperately need what I have to offer. Why do I always pick these skills that marry the physical with the mental, beyond what anyone else could imagine is possible? If only I wasn't attempting to educate on subject that are "before my time." ...if only I could quit training for livelihoods that require me to keep appointments. It's always been such a struggle for me to be on time. ..if only I .would get over having "just enough money" to survive. I seem to be so quixotic, always putting the surrender of my beliefs ahead of my own comfort. If I don't have a deadline or someone to show off my work to, I'll drop the threads that could bring me into a position to offer so much more to so many more people. ...if only those twenty projects wouldn't be clamoring for my attention, like gremlins. ME! ME! Work on ME! ...if only it wasn't so tempting to fritter away my time. At least I don't watch TV anymore, but there is still not enough time. ..if only I could stop creating interdependence by choosing others to take care of who are "bad risks" who need my help so desperately. They're energy drains, but I've learned to dance out of the way of their negativity, but this leaves me a dancing fool. So I have these non-functional adults who love me that I have to hold up if I want friends. Other people who are functional don't want these useless people around who are my friends, so they isolate me. ...if only establishing boundaries did not have a "cost". I don't like being a respected authority, and yet I crave to offer the benefit of my own observations and resourceful ideas. I'd rather have rapport with people, but my emotional maturity scares people away. ...if only I could just be OK as a hermit. I have so much to do to "polish my stone" that I could pretty much stop relating to people and just work. But I crave belonging. ...If only I knew how to communicate what has been so valuable to me. Even though it takes people into a backlash beyond fear itself, I know it is one way through because it has been so for me. ...if only I could live long enough to be respected. If only I could accept that in my culture, a woman can only have either respect or rapport. If only I could find a way to marry rapport and respect, because at heart I know am a teacher who is brilliant at rapport and at simplifying what others have stumbled over for decades. ...if only I was better at managing groups and could accept that I will never be "normal." If only I could believe that I don't need to be an authority that part of me loathes, because I feel as if I'll be squished like a bug if I show my own brilliance. I can merely have something to communicate. If only I could find a way to present what I know is valuable so that others could recognize it's value. ...if only I knew more musicians. Live music inspires me. ...if only I wasn't so long-winded. No wonder I'm not a raging success with all these "if onlys." So there.
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby LateBloomer » Thu Jan 28, 2010 7:57 pm

I could do anything if only I... ...had someone to mentor me ...people weren't so horrible to me ...i didn't have such low self esteem ...i could find my tribe. ...i had unlimited wealth ...i could change my programming ...I weren't so old! ...I could stand up for myself. ...i could start again
And though the pools reflection often blurs before us: KNOW THE IMAGE
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby LateBloomer » Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:03 pm

I could do anything if only I... ...had someone to mentor me ...people weren't so horrible to me ...i didn't have such low self esteem ...i could find my tribe. ...i had unlimited wealth ...i could change my programming ...I weren't so old! ...I could stand up for myself. ...i could start again
And though the pools reflection often blurs before us: KNOW THE IMAGE
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Re: IDEAS FOR BARBARA - PLEASE RESPOND

Postby nancywrites » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:13 am

I could do anything in the world, if I had the wisdom, foresight and know-how to get the resources, be they monetary or support system of people who care about what I want to do!
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