Are we losing our children to Internet?

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Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby LalithaN » Sun Apr 28, 2019 11:19 pm

Hi Everybody,
Greetings. I'm a homemaker, 48 years old and have 3 children, youngest being 20. I first want to make it clear that I don't intend to rant. I'm just curious to know what is the situation in your countries and are there any ways to rectify it or I'm expecting more than due. I would be glad if you pointed my mistakes and would try to correct them.
I raised my children teaching their household chores.I didn't classify male jobs and female jobs and taught all my children doing all kinds of errands. Doing their beds, sweeping and mopping the house, carrying garbage to the garbage van, drying and folding washed laundry,doing dishes, setting the table and clearing the table, fetching things from grocers and the very basics of cooking. I was so proud that I raised my children well, without sexist discrimination and they would survive when they start their own family.
All was well, till they got their own cell phones and our house an unlimited internet connection. When they are at home, they are glued either to the phone or laptop. Now all the three forsake their duties in the house, even if they do, they do it hesitantly and the work is of poor quality. If you inquire,'Mom, why can't you ask him/her to do it?' At last, the work of somebody becomes the work of nobody. I'm the one who runs the house and I have to do it. I despise having to pester a person to do their work.
Above all, they have started thinking by doing the chores, they are helping me; they don't realise they are doing their duties. If I try to insist that it is not charity but duty, the answer I get is, 'Mom, Go and see the world; None of my friends are doing any household chores. Their moms serve them food in their room and clears the plates herself.'
I have inquired my acquaintances and moms of my children's friends about how much household chores their children do. More or less the same everywhere.One mom even said,'when you want a job done, do it yourself;otherwise get hired help. Never ever rely on your children'. When I try to make them realise it is a training for their future, they would say,'Mom, We can order from Swiggy, why bother cooking?' I don't know whether to laugh or cry. :bash:
I started doing everything by myself and don't rely on them. But my mind says I should bring them on the right path. I have even said,"Children, this is not a PG, this is home. Everybody must contribute not only by money but also physically".For sometime it will do.then again the same story.
Ours is a close-knit family' everybody sharing with others all our joys and sorrows.Doing chores remind your part in the home. Why they cannot realise this? But now everyone is drowning in that rectangle box and becoming an island.
How you are all coping with these situations?
Where did I miss? What should I do?
Worrying Mom,
Lalitha.
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby Jason » Mon Apr 29, 2019 12:59 pm

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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby inspiresuccess » Mon Apr 29, 2019 2:35 pm

If you think that being on the internet is really the problem, here's a suggestion.

Tell them if they want to be on the phone or computer, they can do that out of the house. NOT AT HOME. It's your home. You set the rules. If they break that rule, tell them they need to go out of the house to do that. And stick to that rule.

Does India have internet cafes? Or any type of place like that where people hang out? Or a library? They can do their computer stuff out of the house.

It doesn't change the fact that they don't pitch in with the work, but at least you won't have to see them sitting around while you do the work!
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby inspiresuccess » Mon Apr 29, 2019 2:41 pm

I would like to make one other comment. It sounds to me like YOU DID AN EXCELLENT JOB raising your kids, teaching them responsibility, not being sexist about the chores, etc.

I want to commend you for that.

Perhaps you're right that one of the things that has changed since they were younger is the internet.

Give yourself credit for the good training you did. Pat yourself on the back. YOU DID GOOD!

The situation you're facing right now is temporary. Things can change. Don't give up. This too shall pass.

We are here for you.

Love, Inspire Success
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby LalithaN » Mon Apr 29, 2019 11:59 pm

Hi Jason and InspireSuccess,
Thank both of you for your response and your praise. I guiltily admit in some weak moments,I have thought of sending them away or myself running away somewhere where there would be no chores. But I would steady and tell myself, 'This is a test for you how much can you stand.So don't lose patience and fail'.
I think what Jason says is I should show a tougher hand.Would sending them away solve the problem? But, what if they living alone, make wrong decisions and get into trouble? I know I cannot shield them forever. At some point,they have to face the world and learn by themselves. All I want is, they should face Life and the tests it gives
with proper preparations and steady notions of responsibility and worldly wisdom. Then they won't fail.Doing household chores in a way imparts wisdom and responsibility.
Second thing, my mom used to say,'Never hesitate to serve.A sandalwood imparts fragrance only when it wears out. Always family should come first for a woman before her needs.' I heeded her advice and I had never let my family members troubled even for one meal or drink. Whenever they needed me, I had been present there without fail.Even when I went to write exams or attend seminars or even sick, I always made sure all their needs are met. Only they have to serve themselves food and clean up the table.
I have heard the best way is 'Lead by Example'. Why my children didn't learn from me? I really wonder.
Not only my children,more or less, the younger generation as a whole are like this. Laziness,lack of values, demanding immediate gratification.(Compared to many neighbourhood children, mine are a lot better).
I don't know where they are going. Only thing I can do is praying Almighty to keep them safe.
How do you deal with your children?
Perplexed Mom,
Lalitha.
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby Jason » Tue Apr 30, 2019 10:57 am

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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby LalithaN » Tue Apr 30, 2019 7:51 pm

Thank You Jason for your wise counsel. It needs another person to see the issue with an impartial eye.
I always thought 'I have my father to support me, whereas their father has failed them unpardonably. I must take both the roles of parenthood and never let them down'. I am telling the truth when I say my children have great potentials and very much loyal to the family.
So If I impose that they can go away if they don't obey, I thought that they might feel mom has become a monster, and I'm appalled to see myself a selfish ogre.
But your post led me to think different. I must deal a tough hand to discipline them for their own good.
We put money in public and would write down all expenses we make and will describe the reason in public if we made unusual expenses. So money hasn't been a problem yet.
Today, being a holiday, I'll raise the subject.
Became Wiser,
Lalitha
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby Jason » Wed May 01, 2019 9:36 am

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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby LalithaN » Thu May 02, 2019 7:04 am

Hi Jason,
It is a little bit strange to think of family members as employees, but I got your point.
Thank You for your concern.
Lalitha.
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Fri May 03, 2019 11:50 am

The problem of the Internet is everywhere. In the United STates, younger people are texting instead of talking.

Speaking from my own experience, I love my Internet friends, and I love my "person-to-person" friends. I think we need both. And I think we need to be able to talk to each other. The advantage of texting is that you can erase something if you don't like it. When you talk to a person, once you've said it, they heard it.

I know that years ago, it was common in the United STates for adult children to live with their parents until they married, and sometimes even after that. Then - about 1950 most children wanted their independence and moved out to go to college, and after that. Lately it's becoming more common for older children to live with their parents. The economy is not what it was, and often it's a matter of being able to afford a place of one's own.

Obviously, if your children live with you, they should share the work. When your children were little, it was easier to tell them what to do. I'm not sure how you tell a twenty-year-old to do the dishes. I really don't know what would work. I think I would try telling them "THis is important to me. I want time to talk to you at the dinner table. And I need help with cooking. The traditions I was raised with are important to me." SOmething like that. I hope you find something that works.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
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Re: Are we losing our children to Internet?

Postby LalithaN » Sat May 04, 2019 3:15 am

Hi Elaine,
Thank You for sharing your country's customs. More or less parenthood is same everywhere and their problems too.
Of course without internet, how we could be meeting? I find internet as a great treasure. But drowning in it spoils the taste.
I think instead of teaching subjects that are completely useless in life, schools and colleges should teach how to use the internet for the most advantage and time management with internet.[This net instead of helping us catch what we should, it catches us].
Then I feel that we are on the verge of a new revolution. The concept of family and members of it, doing works that won't generate money are getting changed nowadays. If it continues, in the future, nobody will do a thing that doesn't pay them. So nobody will cook, clean and do other chores. Instead paid professionals will do it and companies and organisations will provide food and other necessities for their employees as a part of salary.
What do you think about it?
Lalitha.
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