Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

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Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Wed Aug 21, 2019 12:16 pm

Hello, everyone.

I fell into a major life disaster 15 years ago and broke off contact with my beloved brother at the beginning of it. I won't go into why I did that. It felt like the right thing at the time. I expected to be out of my difficulties within a year and then I would contact him. One year led to the next and the next and my life continued to go downhill. I never expected it to be 15 years before I was up to contacting him again.

Although my life is still difficult, it has improved enough for me to want contact. I went online to get his recent address. I sent a card, which was returned due to lack of proper address. I went back online and found a different site that said that address has an apartment #. I've decided rather than trust the internet again I'm going to send a card to the last address I have for him. The 2 online sources I contacted listed that address as his previous address that ended in 2015. But that's the one I'm going to try.

I want to hear my brothers' voice on the telephone. I haven't heard that in probably 30 something years. We only kept in touch by mail and that petered out over the years down to a Christmas card once a year. He lives on the east coast; I live on the west coast. I'm dreaming of talking to him once a week or at least once a month to make up for all the lost years and to enjoy his companionship as long as we both live (we're in our 60's).

If I can't find him via the internet there is one relative that probably has his address. (I cut off all contact with all relatives 15 years ago.) I wanted to contact him first, but I may have to contact her first.

I hope very much to hear his voice ASAP. I'm so ready to make amends and reconnect. Wish me luck.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby Tituba » Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:30 pm

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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby LalithaN » Wed Aug 21, 2019 8:11 pm

Hi Inspire,
You said you were mailing him.I understood it was email.
If you know his email id,why can't you contact him by that? If you know his phone number send him a message or call him.
Or search him through Facebook.
Maybe these ideas are silly, but just I want to help.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Wed Aug 21, 2019 8:36 pm

Read the following post.....
Last edited by inspiresuccess on Wed Aug 21, 2019 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Wed Aug 21, 2019 8:43 pm

Lalitha,

If I had a phone number I'd call him.
If I had an email address I'd email him.
But I don't have either one.
I'm not on Facebook and I seriously doubt he is either.
I'll continue to try to find the right snail mail address. If I can't, then I'll write a snail mail letter to another family member who I also have only a snail mail address -- no phone number or email. The White Pages has the same address for her that I have, so hopefully that's a correct one. But I want to contact my brother first if possible. He's the most important contact. He's the one I want.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:33 pm

Update.

The letter sent to the address I had was not responded to.
The letter I sent to the address listed in the White Pages did not get a response.

The next step will have to be to write to another relative I haven't had contact with in 15 years. I only have a snail mail address. That's what I will do next.

After all these years and finally being will to connect it's disappointing to have not reconnected yet. Wish me luck with the next relative.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby LalithaN » Fri Oct 11, 2019 2:16 am

Hi Inspire,
Wish you all good luck to meet your brother soon.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Oct 11, 2019 7:03 pm

Good luck, Dear One!
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby Elaine Glimme » Thu Oct 24, 2019 1:55 pm

Inspire Success, I know your frustration. Finally taking the step and then . . . didn't work.

The good thing is - you took the step. You mailed the letter.

I have no advice, unfortunately. You've probably already done this, but if not you could Google his name and see what cones up.

Good wishes.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Thu Oct 24, 2019 6:28 pm

I did put a card in the mail to the other relative that might have info on my brother.

Elaine, yes, I googled him. That's how I got the 2nd address I sent the card to with no response.

I just have to hang in there. I miss his voice. It would be so healing for me to hear it on the phone after so many years.

I've been putting off contacting him for 15 years. The good thing is I've finally started working on it. It's not on my long procrastination list anymore. At least I'm moving forward.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby Elaine Glimme » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:47 am

As a fellow procrastinator, I know how good it feels to take a step. Hopefully, I'll be inspired to do something similar. I wrote a procrastinated letter back around Christmas time - and left off the stamp. It's not anywhere near as important as your letter, but still. Anyway, I hope you get success after all that. You deserve it.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Tue Nov 05, 2019 4:36 pm

Hi. Bad news. My brother received my card(s) but does not want to be in touch. At least there is a sense of closure. At least I know that he received my card and has my address in case he changes his mind. All I said in the letter was I wanted to be in touch. I plan on writing again and sending the letters to both addresses since I don't know which one is the right one.

The reason I know this is I contacted my Dad's wife. I don't call her a step-mom because she is only 8 years older than me. She said she contacted my brother, he said he had my address and will contact me if he chooses to. She wrote a really nice, chatty letter and I appreciate that.

So, I will send a letter to my brother again with more details about my life and why I haven't been in touch with him. That's all I can do.

At least I'm in touch with one family member and at least I contacted my brother. And at least I know he resides at one of the two addresses I have for him.

Thanks to everyone here for supporting me in this process.
Last edited by inspiresuccess on Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby Tituba » Tue Nov 05, 2019 5:18 pm

Sending multiple letters when he said he wasn't sure he'd want contact, may very well alienate him permanently. Give him some space and trust that if he wants to reach out, he will. If he doesn't, there is your answer. Maybe send a Christmas and birthday card. Respecting his boundaries will go a long way in healing this divide. If it can be healed. Some paths we take in life, cannot be undone.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby inspiresuccess » Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:43 pm

Hi Tituba,

Thanks for your response. I wasn't planning multiple letters --- one same letter to 2 different addresses since I don't know which one is the right one. I won't pester him. I will give him time to let it all sink in. 15 years is a lifetime.
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Re: Hopes of reconnecting with an estranged brother

Postby SquarePeg » Tue Nov 05, 2019 8:37 pm

Thanks for the update. I've been hoping for a more favorable outcome.
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