PLEASE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY POST IN WISHES!!!!

Tell us your wish, tell us your obstacle, and we'll try to come up with some useful suggestions to help you get into action toward your dream.

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PLEASE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY POST IN WISHES!!!!

Postby BarbaraSher » Sun Sep 12, 2004 2:38 pm

Hi Everybody This is the first forum on the board so new people are automatically posting here -- BUT !!! Most of the topics I see belong in General Discussions or Deep (and shallow) Discussions. The Wishes and Obstacles forum is the action heart of this bulletin board. It's supposed to be about careers, lifestyles -- and in a short and snappy format. 1) My wish, 2) My obstacle Please look at the other forums before you post here. Sometimes a thread that starts as Wish/Obstacle turn into discussions and leave the subject. They will then be moved. Postings that belong in other forums will be moved or deleted. Sometimes posts that start in Wishes take off into discussions and side subjects. They will be moved to other forums. I WANT EVERYONE NEW TO KNOW THEY'RE VERY WELCOME HERE. IT'S IMPORTANT, HOWEVER, THAT BEFORE THEY ASK FOR IDEAS AND HELP, THEY GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE (MANY OF WHOM ARE ALMOST AS NEW AS THEY ARE). SO THE FIRST IMPORTANT RULE (THERE ARE LITTLE ONES ABOUT NOT MAKING YOUR PARAGRAPHS TOO LONG OR POSTING ANYTHING COMMERCIAL) IS THIS: IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS BOARD, LOOK AROUND, READ THE POSTS AND SPEND A FEW WEEKS HELPING OTHERS WHENEVER YOU CAN BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR FIRST REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE. THAT WAY YOU'LL KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE, AND THEY'LL KNOW YOU, TOO. THE POPULATION OF THIS BOARD IS GROWING FAST. MOST NEW PEOPLE HAVE THE KINDS OF REQUESTS THIS BOARD IS PERFECT FOR: THEY NEED IDEAS AND STRATEGIES, INFORMATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT, AND NOTHING MAKES THE MEMBERS HAPPIER THAN COMING UP WITH THAT KIND OF HELP. HOWEVER WE'RE FINDING THAT A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF NEW people HAVE urgent problems AND BECOME UPSET AT NOT GETTING THE KIND OF HELP THEY NEED. Then we have a situation that can't do anybody any good and might be doing harm. If all new people will spend at least 2 weeks getting to know -- and trying to help -- other members, the problem might be avoided. Now, to the helpful people on the board: most of you are kind and tolerant even when unhappy people don't like the quality of the help they're getting. Some of you get upset by it. I THINK A THIRD RESPONSE IS CALLED FOR: BACK UP AND GET SOME PERSPECTIVE. I know how upsetting it can feel to be in a rotten position (don't ask about my story, friends) and how easy it is to feel reproachful towards absolute strangers as if they owed you something. You just can't help yourself. That's how it looks to you. But if a new person is willing to spend a few weeks helping others and giving us time to know them it will be clear that they can care about others and aren't lost in their own problems. In that case the help given them might do some good. And if they're unwilling to help others, this board isn't the right place for them. THIS MEANS THAT when you see that someone is depressed or desperate or upset with the help they're getting here, please, instead of rushing in to soothe them or to scold them, JUST BACK UP A BIT. THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET. BUT NOT AT YOU. AND YOU HAVE A URGE TO HELP BUT YOU MUST RECOGNIZE YOUR LIMITATIONS. Wait a little while to save someone's life. Search the board to see helpful they've been with others. Sometimes it's impossible for unhappy people to keep from seeing the world as dark and the people who try to help as inadequate or thoughtless. But it might give them a sense of their own power as well as some perspective to help other members for a few weeks before they ask for help themselves. If they really can't do that, they're in an emotional place that you probably can't influence and, as I say, this board isn't set up for that. If you can direct them to some kind of help line that would be better. Until you've established who you're dealing with, try to remember something I've had a hard time learning, and it's still a work in progress: no one is an endless fountain of help. It's important for givers to exercise patience and avoid kneejerk rescue attempts. Givers don't understand their value to their community. If they did they'd see that it's irresponsible to everyone (not just to them) to burn themselves out.
BarbaraSher
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Postby merk » Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:58 pm

Before you post or ask a question, you might also want to check out these two threads: If you have a question, read this first. Resources
My Blog http://blog.imerk.com
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