Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Tell us your wish, tell us your obstacle, and we'll try to come up with some useful suggestions to help you get into action toward your dream.

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Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Mon May 06, 2019 1:42 pm

I've been saying that I don't know what I want at this point in life. After skimming Wishcraft again I realized I do know what I want most of all. I just don't pursue it because I think I will never get it. So, why bother trying. I wasn't even going to post what the dream is. I feel embarrassed about it. But here it is:

WISHES

I WANT HOME AND FAMILY.

I want to be married again or at least have a Significant Other (SO).
I want to live in a house that my man owns. I don't want to be living in an apartment alone like I do now.
I want my man to have a family who lives close by who would welcome me into the family. Children, grandchildren, etc. (I have no family)
I want someone who shares my values and goals and who enjoys doing the things I like to do.
I want someone who has enough money to pay for us to go to concerts, etc. and vacations. (I've never really gone on a real vacation in my life).

OBSTACLES

I'm 64 years old. Hard to find men who want to marry 64 year olds unless they're in their 70's. I didn't want to have to take care of someone who is sick and dying like I did with my last husband. But now I think a few years of love would be worth having to do that again. I haven't been well enough for years to take care of someone but I am now.

I'm not at my best. I don't work. I don't do hobbies. I waste my time reading and watching TV. I'm reasonably attractive but not at my best. When someone asks if I work - no. What did I do in the past? Not "retired" because I had a series of unrelated jobs. Hobbies? Not any that I'm doing. What do I do for fun? Nothing.

The point is, I have to attract someone first before they get to know what a wonderful person I am. Attraction -- having an interesting life, doing interesting things, working or doing interesting volunteer work. Having friends to go out with or have over for dinner.

I know there are senior dating sites, but I'm not ready to "attract" yet. I WANT TO BE THE PERSON I WANT TO BE before I try to meet someone.

I read once the list of things that senior men want in a woman. Attractive, healthy, and financially secure were the top 3. I could do better in all 3 areas.

So, my goal right now is to BE MY BEST SELF and LIKE MYSELF now.

My first step is my health -- YMCA. I signed up a year ago but never went. So, my goal is sometime before the end of May to go to the YMCA. That's the first step.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby SquarePeg » Mon May 06, 2019 3:21 pm

Good luck, IS! Going to the YMCA is a good first step.

Attending local events, such as free offerings at libraries and community centers, can be a good way to meet others and stay active.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Mon May 06, 2019 4:06 pm

SquarePeg wrote:Attending local events, such as free offerings at libraries and community centers, can be a good way to meet others and stay active.


Good point. I like that stuff and will start to do it more.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby LalithaN » Mon May 06, 2019 10:45 pm

Hi Inspire,
All the Best.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Tue May 07, 2019 1:50 pm

LalithaN wrote:All the Best.

Thanks.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby Elaine Glimme » Tue May 07, 2019 7:19 pm

Good wishes, Inspire,

Is the Russian guy at all interesting?
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Tue May 07, 2019 9:27 pm

The Russian is a very handsome man in his 70's who speaks NO ENGLISH! Sadly, someone told me his wife has Alzheimers.
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cc-ed from May Steps A Day

Postby Lynx » Wed May 08, 2019 11:13 pm

Hi Inspire,

I remembered you moved this topic to its own thread. Here's a post I added to the Steps-a-day thread.

Somehow 65 is one of these demark ages. Here's an article for you, Inspire, from the Sr Living Blog:

5 Top Ways to Find Love After 65

I once offered a couple of workshops on dating so I paid close attention. I also in the past several years attended a couple of workshops led by others on flirting/dating.

It's wise to be in a space where "dating" isn't exactly the purpose of the gathering. Great places for this are volunteer-service projects, workshops, classes, trips, Meet-ups, etc. The pro tip? Go where the odds favor YOU. If something is 75% women and 25% men, that's 3-1 against meeting someone. When it's reversed, 75% men; 25% women, that's 3-1 in favor.

So, where are the men? When I was younger, and my attendess were, too, I said trail maintenance! One friend found romance in her carpentry classes leading to an associate degree. Markets and stock investing are heavily male.

Another article: Top 10 hobbies for > 65 set.

Boating ... Canoeing ... Sailing … Kayaking.

Golf

Fishing

Antiquing

Digital photography

Building models

Gardening

Volunteering

Genealogy

Knitting

And, I would add Bird Watching, Bird Listening.

Happy searching for love,
Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby Elaine Glimme » Thu May 09, 2019 7:39 am

Lynx's post made me remember something. There used to be a group at the Lafayette-Orinda Church (I can't remember the denomination.) called Shipmates. They had tons of activities available. There was something happening almost every day of the week, and you could sign up for whatever you wanted. The object was not to meet your soulmate. The object was to have fun and meet friends who like the same things you like. That's the first step to finding someone special.

Good luck.
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Re: cc-ed from May Steps A Day

Postby inspiresuccess » Thu May 09, 2019 1:02 pm

Lynx wrote: If something is 75% women and 25% men, that's 3-1 against meeting someone. When it's reversed, 75% men; 25% women, that's 3-1 in favor. Happy searching for love, Lynx


Thanks. I've been thinking about the percentages thing. Most of the things I've been interested in are female dominated. I've been trying to think of volunteer jobs where there would be more men. I thought of Habitat for Humanity. That woman in your article said woodworking classes. If anyone can think of more men dominated volunteer work I'm open to hearing it.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Thu May 09, 2019 1:04 pm

I also thought about a local senior living place -- Rossmoor. They have a lot of activities that are open to anyone, not just people who live there. I don't know the female/male ratio but at least there will be lots of senior citizens. They have a large group of activities, classes, etc.
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more men

Postby Lynx » Thu May 09, 2019 7:39 pm

Hi Inspire,

Found this from a federal report on volunteering in 2015:

Collecting, preparing, distributing, or serving food was the activity volunteers
performed most often for their main organization in 2015—11.3 percent of
volunteers reported this as their main activity. Other activities performed
frequently were tutoring or teaching (9.2 percent), fundraising (9.0 percent),
and engaging in general labor (8.8 percent). However, main activities differed
among men and women. Men who volunteered were most likely to engage in general
labor (12.3 percent); coach, referee, or supervise sports teams (9.3 percent);
or collect, prepare, distribute, or serve food (9.2 percent).
Female volunteers
were most likely to collect, prepare, distribute, or serve food (12.9 percent);
tutor or teach (10.6 percent); or fundraise (9.9 percent). (See table 5.)

That's really interesting. Here in Seattle there are lot of charity chef cooking events. Sure think they need many volunteers. Also, getting your food handler's license (an easy test to pass) then means you can "handle" food, and this opens up lots of things. There are a couple of restaurants around here that organizes volunteers to prep, cook, and deliver meals to people in need.

I find once I get the hang of how to think lots of stuff shows up. If you're into a particular team (college or pro or local) there's likely lots of places and time where fans gather to cheer or bemoan their favs.

If you're handy with tools, there are volunteer-led repair nites where people bring broken appliances and the vols see if they can figure out a fix. Many men. Also, an event like that might need a front desk person to welcome visitors, keep them chatting while they wait their turns, etc.

Home brewing of just about anything is hugely male. Did someone say there's a class?

Lynx
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Fri May 10, 2019 2:23 pm

Thanks, Lynx. Food prep is something I want to do more of. I do it once a month for a church. It's a small group of us -- about 5-6 but there are a couple of (married) men. I've been thinking about checking out Loaves and Fishes. I think they are a larger group.

I have no interest in or knowledge of any type of sports. Part of my fantasy life is being with a man who has grandchildren who play in sports so I could go along and cheer.

I like the fix-it group idea. My husband used to be a wiz at fixing things. I asked him to teach me once and he said all he ever did was take it apart, clean it really well and put it back together! I've tried that and it's worked for me a number of times.

Thanks for putting in the time to research this stuff.
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby Lynx » Sat May 11, 2019 1:50 pm

inspiresuccess wrote: Part of my fantasy life is being with a man who has grandchildren who play in sports so I could go along and cheer.


That sparks an idea around your alumni associations. Men often follow their school's fortunes, especially in football and basketball.

If you went to one of the CA schools, this might be an in.

Maybe, if they let you, volunteer to organize a talk: Basic College Football (Or basketball) for the Recently-Interested. How's that for a cover to talk to a lot of men!
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Re: Wish: get married again Obstacle: many!

Postby inspiresuccess » Sat May 11, 2019 4:03 pm

Lynx wrote: Maybe, if they let you, volunteer to organize a talk: Basic College Football (Or basketball) for the Recently-Interested. How's that for a cover to talk to a lot of men! Lynx
:lol:
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