Calling all Sybils!

What should you do when you want to do everything? If you're fascinated by everything, and you've been called dabbler, dilettante, undisciplined, indecisive etc., this forum is for you.

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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:03 pm

Hi Carolynda,
So were all of those places on the big island? And what prompted all the travel that you have done?
Yes, all the places in the previous post were on the Big Island. There are a multitude of reasons to travel. I love exploring beautiful places, discovering new cultures, eating a variety of interesting food, and experiencing places that I'd only know previously in my imagination. Many of the activities I like to do are located far away! I love the ocean and snorkeling but prefer the warmth of the water and high visibility to the cold water and murkiness that is available nearby. Don't get me wrong, I like the area where I live, but it doesn't have everything. I can go hiking in the redwood forests, but there are no bamboo forests in the bay area (not counting my backyard). I can go to the theatre, museums, musical performances, and gardens nearby, but still want to see the Victoria and Albert museum in London, the Luxembourg gardens, Carnival in Brazil, and Broadway plays. I also get the opportunity to learn and speak other languages. You can get a new perspective on life when speaking to people from other places. There is a big world out there, and I want to experience all of it. Elizabeth
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby Carolynda » Tue Aug 12, 2008 5:28 am

Hi Elizabeth, There you have the start of a great essay on travel. I relate to so many of your motivations for wanderlust. So you travel for pleasure rather than having been transferred around by a job or some other life situation. I also love my area here in the Northeast with the variety of the seasons. When I was a kid I hated winter and swore I would live in Florida or Hawaii when I grew up. I ended up at college in Oklahoma and enjoyed the 7 years I lived there very much. They have a total of about 6 weeks of winter and then it's back to the hot, dry stuff. When I moved back east after that, I ended up in Connecticut in October where I experienced the crisp days of autumn and the flaming foliage of giant sugar maples and promptly fell in love with the seasons. I remember thinking, "How did I live without this all those years?" I took up skiing shortly after that which gave me a whole new appreciation of winter. Gardening did the same for me with spring. Now I wouldn't live anywhere else. But travel... ah yes! There is one bittersweet aspect of travel for me, however. I feel like I've left a part of myself in the places I've lived or visited and I want to gather all those places and pieces of myself back together into one. Create some paradise with a Mexican white,powdery sand beach in the backyard, the Champs Elysees down the street, the hills of Tuscany off in the distance, tumbleweeds rolling through the parking lot of a BBQ and catfish fry joint, New York jazz clubs popping up at night, people speaking different languages in each house of the neighborhood, the expanse of a midwestern sky in the afternoon, the shooting stars of a beach on Cape Cod at night. Of course, they are here inside me and in my memory, but I feel this longing for so many of the places that have touched me the most. I watched Avenue Montaigne last night -- cute film with a good cast. Anyone seen it? And the Olympics are keeping me up until the wee hours every night now. How about that men's gymnastic team bronze medal performance? Have a lovely day, Carolyn
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:14 am

Hi Carolyn, I very much enjoyed your message. Many people enjoy travel, but usually not as much as I do. I'd love to hear more about your travels, either current, past, or imaginary. I grew up mostly in Southern California with a three-year stint in Missouri and Kansas. When I was younger, I thought I'd like to live in many regions of the US - Northeast, South, Northwest - to see which one I liked the best. However, I've only ended up going as far as Northern California. I think it's cold here! So, I'm not sure if I'd ever end up living in a four-season climate, at least not long term. I love snow and skiing, but I like it best when it's someplace you go. As a child, it was fun to "go to the snow," where we would take trash can lids and go careening and spinning down the slopes. We also use to do something similar on cardboard sliding down a huge sand hill in Malibu, but they don't let you do that anymore unfortunately. It was fun.
There is one bittersweet aspect of travel for me, however. I feel like I've left a part of myself in the places I've lived or visited and I want to gather all those places and pieces of myself back together into one.
I very much know what you mean and have thought the same myself. I once had a friend who had come into a windfall from a technology company and traveled for a few years. He said that he always missed where he wasn't. Part of me would like to gather all the museums of the world - Louvre, New York Met, Ufizzi, San Francisco Asian Museum, Smithsonian, Victoria and Albert, and many more into one huge museum ghetto. But I suppose that part of the charm is to go somewhere else, a unique environment. But I wish that I had more time to travel and that it would be easier to get there. Wouldn't it be great if you could just pop into Paris for lunch, or head to the Maya Riviera for the weekend? It would be interesting to do a little animated film combining all the places we love best. I have seen Avenue Montaigne and have the DVD. It was cute and showed a lot of Paris. I've made a rule that I must turn off the TV, internet, etc. at 10pm which is one hour before bedtime. I talk on the phone and then read some. I don't have any trouble falling asleep, but often wake up in the middle of the night and fight it difficult to get back to sleep for a while. So, this is a part of my scheme to change that along with no late meals, no alcohol (only just one glass of wine anyway), and more exercise. It's helped, but last night I couldn't resist staying up until at least the the Chinese Men Gymnastics team. I've recorded the rest, so can watch some tonight. Elizabeth
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby Ronni Lou » Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:28 pm

Hello, Salut, Ciao, Guten Dag, G'day :lol: from Bundaberg in Central Queensland. Thank you so much fo your welcoming words Angel. I am so excited about going to Hawaii and meeting you and I couldn't agree more that there should be more descriptive names for relationships. I love my friends so dearly, in many different ways, unique I guess to their respective characters and sometimes simply calling them 'friend' , as wonderful word as that is, just doesn't seem to convey the depth of my feelings for them or the joy of simply being a part of their lives. And as for your life, at least the little you've told us of it, Wow!! How inspiring. I would be intimidated to meet you only I'm far too interested and excitied. :D What great advice about the dancing Carolynda. Rumba sounds perfect. I want something romantic and sensual but with a bit of life in it. I thought about what you said with regard to missing the places you have been but I really don't feel that way. I'm not sure why. I love all the places I see, the people I meet and the experiences I have but I rarely feel sad about leaving or long for them when I am gone, with two exceptions. 1) I miss my two sons, daughter-in-law and granddaughter who live in Tasmania. I miss them so much that my heart aches at times, although I see them often, talk to them at least weekly and I know they are happy and living full lives. 2) I found it very hard to leave India and it is one place that I feel I have unfinished business. A friend does charity work in southern India within poor schools and I am getting involved in a project to teach English to some of the local teachers there so that will be interesting. ( I must clarify that at this stage this is online, not in person). Elizabeth, what can I say? Your descriptions of your time in Hawaii and the websites and everything. I was excited before but even more so now. I've never seen (or heard of) Avenue Montaigne but I'm going to look out for it. Do you know the film "Babett'es Feast"? I saw it many years ago and would love to get a copy of it but have not been able to track it down. Welcome, welcome, welcome Anja. It's great to have you here and I can't wait to hear all about yoru interests. One of mine is learning German. I began three weeks ago and Tuesday is my German day. (monday =French, Tuesday =German, Wednesday =Italian, Thursday =Spanish(Catalan) and Friday =Latin) I think I'm going to add Chinese in there as well. I've been to Frankfurt but it was about 10 years ago now and I didn't see much because I was on my way back to Australia via The USA having broken up with by boyfriend in Norway :wink: (Crazy life but someone's go to live it). I'm writing this post in the staff room at the local hospital and I'm begining to get some " who are you and why are you using our computers" looks so I'd better sign off now. Before I go though, Phil and I will spend three nights in New York as part of our travels and have not yet found accommodation (in Greenwich village or nearby). If you have any suggestions we would really appreciate it. The dates are 22-24th of September and from there we'll fly to L.A. for a couple of nights and then..............Hawaii!!! Warm hugs for you all, Ronni Lou p.s. I loooooove long posts as well. Please, please keep them coming
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby tiri » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:20 am

hello everyone and thank you so much for your warm welcome!!!! :D to be honest, i wrote a huuuge post last weekend - but i've been too embarrassed to actually put it here. :bash: i might just need a bit more time to join in. liebe gruesse, anja
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby An8el » Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:32 pm

If you think what you wrote is too long, I assumed that you have copy and pasted it into another writing program? Please fell free to be BOLD! We like loooong posts here, obviously. We understand how many people feel who have a bunch to say to those who can finally hear them - we've been there ourselves, many of us. Or, just post part of it now and part of later.... Find an editor? We (people on this forum in general, as well as us here,) want to hear what you have to say! Or at the very least, I do.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:43 pm

Anja,
We (people on this forum in general, as well as us here,) want to hear what you have to say! Or at the very least, I do.
Me too! Now I'm very curious to hear more about you. It can be scary to write in another language, especially for the first big post. However, I encourage you to take the plunge as we all love hearing everyone's stories. It's a bit like diving into cold water. It can feel bracing at first, but then feels really good. I think this is a safe place to practice your language skills because many of us are learning other languages. I try to keep a sense of humor when speaking or writing in another language as I make mistakes all the time. Most people are gracious and helpful, but even when they laugh every once in a while, I try to laugh with them. My favorite mistake is when I asked in French if the sausages were made without preservatives (chemicals to keep them from spoiling). At least that's what I meant to say, but what I actually did say was, "So these sausages aren't made with condoms?" Everyone laughed, but it was okay because I was amongst friends. Others probably have similar stories. However, we won't laugh or become the spelling or grammar police. It's great to have someone do corrections if you ask them to, but not so much if you haven't. I can sometimes be a little lax about spelling or grammar online. Like this. I have to think about spelling/grammar all day long (but do have an editor anyway to catch my mistakes), so it's nice to relax and not worry about it after work. I try to not be too bad but am sometimes a bit lazy. From what I've seen so far, your English is much better than you seem to think. Everything has been quite clear and understandable. Elizabeth
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby tiri » Sun Aug 17, 2008 6:46 am

hello and hallo! thank you for your encouraging posts everyone. so i'll try. :) introducing myself and explaining why i think i'm a (sybil) scanner, i start with highschool. at school ive already been some sort of multi-talented. but everyone - including myself - concidered me just being "good at school". noone really appreciated my interests in so many different subjects - and i had A grades in almost every of them. i loved french, geography, biology, art, history, physics, chemistry, ethics,.... after school, since i couldn't figure out my main interests and talents (like everyone else of my friends did). i had so many ideas about my future.... like studying geography, industrial design, biology, becoming a french and history teacher or studying anthropology somewhere abroad... but it was hard to chose, so i ended up studying business administration in germany with a focus on bank (financial) business. i thought, that would be at least a decent choice. to make money and follow a sensibel carrier path. well, i found out pretty quickly, that i found this subject / studies extremely boring. but i thought i'm not "allowed" to quit. like my mum always says "that's life" (you have to deal with that kind of problems and emotions in your working life) when i was complaining about my studies and later about my job. after uni i worked for a bank for several years, first in sales and later in marketing. i knew right away from the start, i wasnt interested that much in any of those banking aspectes. or lets say, in contrast to all my collegues and mates from uni, i wasn't interested in a career as an financial expert. during uni and my life as a "banker", i always wondered what's wrong with me... while i worked at the bank i really tried to focus on my job, not allowing me to have a glimps to the right or left side of my way... its been a hard and sad time. after a couple of years, when i was 27, i quit my job and fullfilled my biggest dream: i sold my car, my furniture etc., bought a round-the-world ticket, took my backpack and went off.... for about 16 months, travelling fiji, new zealand, australia, thailand, cambodia and vietnam. i had such a good time! meeting new people, cultures, places... and meeting "myself".... during my travels i tried to figure out more about my long neglected interests and tried out some fun jobs. i took an acting class at the melbourne, worked at a muffin break shop as a coffeemaker, helped out on a horse ranch, worked at a café, took some life drawing classes, learned how to do a good neck-and-shoulder-massage to work as a "three minut angel", got a certificate in thai massage, started with yoga, zen, meditation, went through a two weeks cleansing & fasting treatment, got through the course of julia cameron's book "the artist's way"... etc. fascinating: now that i know, i'm a scanner, i see my whole thinking process in a different light. since i thought about my future career (my new job when "i'll be back from my travels") during the WHOLE time i was travelling (i even bought the book "what colour is your parachute" in new zealand etc.). i had this crazy idea, it would be my last chance in my life to do what i REALLY want when i'd come back from my round-the-world-trip. i had ideas like: becoming a make up artists at theatre, an actor, a massage therapist, a physiotherapist, a wedding planer, studying design of any kind (industrial, fashion, interior), studying geology or biology, working in france, ireland or spain... etc etc - but i decided those ideas were all not good enough (or i wasn't talented enough). and, as you might already guess - i wasn't able to make a choice. coming back home, i still felt the pressure: now or never! that's why i sat down at my parents' house (where i lived for five months after my travels) and tried to find a solution to my job choice-making problem. only by sitting there and thinking hard - how stupid is that??? isolation kills any dream... now i see that point clearer. that was one of the reasons i got more and more discouraged to follow any of my dreams and ideas. (and every day there was the question of my parents, what i wanted to do.) at the end i took a job as assistant to the managing director of a marketing agency. not related to any of my dreams. but, again, a sensibel solution. (?) now, i concider it to be a "good enough job" where the 9 to 5 aspect gives me time to do all the "other things" in my life. after reading "refuse to choose" two weeks ago (i cried at the beginning of the book, feeling such a relief!) i've found out, i'm a sybil (and some sort of double agent and sampler). :D my interests are (in short kno,w since i think, my post will be otherwise too huge): dancing (jazz dance, street style etc.; i'm part of a dancing group, where i'm responsiblefor parts of the choreography), reading (like ten books at the same time), zen, yoga, meditation, environmental concerns (climate change, greenpeace etc.), acting, music (playing guitar, harp, accordeon), renovating and decorating my appartement, french (france - paris! my favourit movie's "amélie"..), thai massage, horse riding, travelling, photography, knitting (scarfs only), spanish (beginner), networking (i'll try to keep in touch with my friends around the world via email and facebook), face painting for kids, aerobics, volleyball, running, scuba diving and snorkeling, drawing/painting, quantum physics, and many more... im not a person who's supposed to have ADD.... it's more the opposite. since i love to dream and to plan and to do a lot of research, there's usually not a lot of "action" in my sibyl life (or at least i feel like i could do so much more!). on the other hand i've always tried to be sensibel, to be a "good girl". meaning, when i came up with ideas and dreams i supressed them, trying to focus on "real important things" in my life. like doing the laundry instead. or focussing on getting better in my recent job. i've always thought i have to make a choice. that's why at the end of the day i got confused about all my shoulds and does and donts and have tos in my head, i ended up doing nothing. :roll: i'm so happy now with my new knowledge about scanners, that it works for me like an energy booster! everything's "allowed" now and my head spins with joy and with new and old, unfinished ideas, that don't want to be ignored any longer. :!: its great to read about the way you all are dealing with your scanner lifes and interests! i hope this new energy will get me there where you already are! hope to read a lot more of your ideas and thoughts! cheers and gruesse, a.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby Ronni Lou » Sun Aug 17, 2008 9:54 pm

Dear Sybils, Hello again. A big "Thank You" to Anja for a post which brought tears to my eyes. I can emphathise so much with your story ( as I'm sure many others here will). I am 44 and have always felt pressure to 'choose' a profession since I was 'so good at everything I set my mind to", but I couldn't. Each choice felt like the death of part of me and I now believe that this is why I have suffered Depression since my teenage years. I am literally paralyzed at the thought of having to choose a 'lifetime career". Thank goodness for "Refuse to Choose" and this forum. Both have given me persmission to not only refuse to choose, but to embrace fully the person that I am and all that is entailed by that, regardless of whether of not other people think that I am flighty and changeable and, as a consequence, irresponsible. Anja you express yourself beautifully and clearly in English and I can only aspire to write as well in some of the languages that I am learning. Thank you again. RE: scanner planners. I got bored with the one I was using :oops: so instead I am using the small ring bound pads as suggested by Angel, and I now have a page for each interest, so far: French, German, Italian, Latin, Spanish, Indonensian, Chinese, Novel 1, Novel 2, autoibiography, Honours' Thesis, recorder...........Then, what I do is write what needs to be done next, for example: read chapter 5, or practice numbers, or research 1966 in my local town, or listen to audio tape. I can make the lists as long as I like, as soon as I think of something which might help the project I write it on the list. Just like my 'travel' list, items do not need to be done in order. So, today is Monday, which is French day. This means I have to do something French but it could be anything, or as many things as I choose from the list. After that, I can do anything that takes my interest from another subject area. Does any of this make sense? It seems to be working very well for me and I have just decided to add another two subjects, "books to read" and "films to see". On the subject of books, like most of you I'm sure, I have quite a few books on the go at any one time. This means carrying a large bag of books with me wherever we go. This is my current selelction: Barbara Sher "Refuse to Choose" (3rd Reading) Eckardt Tolle "New Earth" (9th Reading) Celia Brayfield "Deep France" (1st Reading) Henri de Turenne & Francois Ducher "Les Alsaciens" (1st Reading) Hew Strachan"The First World War" (1st Reading) Jane Austen "Emma" (6th Reading) L.M.Montgomery "Anne of Green Gables" (4th Reading) Charles Dickens "Bleak House" (3rd Reading) Tim Winton "Dirt Music" (2nd Reading) I'd love to know your current reading lists plus any books that you feel have changed your life in some way. Not necessarily non-fiction, self-help type books, but perhaps novels or autobiographies. We have only 2 more days in Bundaberg, Queensland before travelling to the Gold Coast for a few days where my husband is playing the clarinet with the Australian Doctor's Orchestra. We'll visit the Picasso exhibition in Brisbane on the way. I have loved Picasso's work since visiting his gallery in Paris in 1998. Yesterday we went whale watching at Hervey Bay. The humpback whales pass by this way on their return to Antarctica to feed after mating and giving birth in the warm waters off the coast of Australia and the Pacific. It was a magical experience as several pods of whales played with us and performed for us. They ar majestic creatures and despite their size, we felt perfectly safe with them flipping about, splashing their tails, rolling over and sometimes just popping their head up to look at us. They were clearly having a fabulous time and circled out boat for over an hour. What an experience! Any interesting weekend experiences to share?? I'd love to hear. Warm wishes to you all, Ronni Lou
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:38 am

Hi Anja, I loved reading your post! Sorry that it's taken me so long to respond.
after a couple of years, when i was 27, i quit my job and fullfilled my biggest dream: i sold my car, my furniture etc., bought a round-the-world ticket, took my backpack and went off.... for about 16 months, travelling fiji, new zealand, australia, thailand, cambodia and vietnam. i had such a good time! meeting new people, cultures, places... and meeting "myself"....
Wow, what an adventure. I wish that I could do that. The trip sounds so interesting. Have you thought of writing up stories about your travels? I'd love to hear more about them.
i had ideas like: becoming a make up artists at theatre, an actor, a massage therapist, a physiotherapist, a wedding planer, studying design of any kind (industrial, fashion, interior), studying geology or biology, working in france, ireland or spain... etc etc - but i decided those ideas were all not good enough (or i wasn't talented enough). and, as you might already guess - i wasn't able to make a choice.
Any of these ideas are viable jobs. There's no reason that you can try them. You have European citizenship, so there's nothing to stop you from working in another European country. Some of these jobs require training, but you could take a class or two, talk to people who do that kind of work, then decide if you want to pursue studying further.
at the end i took a job as assistant to the managing director of a marketing agency. not related to any of my dreams. but, again, a sensibel solution. (?) now, i concider it to be a "good enough job" where the 9 to 5 aspect gives me time to do all the "other things" in my life.
There's nothing wrong with choosing the sensible solution or good enough job, especially if you need the money (most of us do). As long as you are reasonably happy doing it, this can work for a scanner. But if your heart really longs to do something else, it might be worthwhile to investigate some of the other career ideas you've had. Who knows, one of them could eventually turn into a future career change.
i've always thought i have to make a choice. that's why at the end of the day i got confused about all my shoulds and does and donts and have tos in my head, i ended up doing nothing.
There are no shoulds, shouldn'ts, dos, and don'ts. As long as you are a responsible adult, you don't have to please anyone but yourself. I'm happy for you that you now see some many other possibilities. Actually, you've always seen them, but now you realize that you could make them real.
my interests are (in short kno,w since i think, my post will be otherwise too huge): dancing (jazz dance, street style etc.; i'm part of a dancing group, where i'm responsiblefor parts of the choreography), reading (like ten books at the same time), zen, yoga, meditation, environmental concerns (climate change, greenpeace etc.), acting, music (playing guitar, harp, accordeon), renovating and decorating my appartement, french (france - paris! my favourit movie's "amélie"..), thai massage, horse riding, travelling, photography, knitting (scarfs only), spanish (beginner), networking (i'll try to keep in touch with my friends around the world via email and facebook), face painting for kids, aerobics, volleyball, running, scuba diving and snorkeling, drawing/painting, quantum physics, and many more...
It's amazing that so many of us are interested in similar things. My problem is that I can't figure out how to fit my interests into my day, week, year, life... The book has some ideas, but I'm still struggling and very interested in how other scanners, especially Sybils, find the time to do all this. Once I do my work, commute, see my friends, take care of my dog, house, and self, see my friends, it doesn't always leave a lot of time in the day. Lately, my free time beyond that has been taken up watching the Olympics and the USA political conventions (one down, one to go) on TV. I don't feel a bit guilty in that I'm being more of a spectator rather than a participant. Shouldn't I be swimming myself, rather than watching swimming on TV? Oh wait, didn't I just say that there were no shoulds? :lol: In any case, I've read/heard research that actually participating in an activity is more satisfying than watching someone else do it. Of course, I don't want to run for political office or be a gymnast, but it might be worthwhile to figure out how to involve myself more in the political process or include more sports into my own life. I also get distracted by other people's problems. Something truly horrible happened with my sister's boyfriend. She had to grab what she could and now has no place to live. She's also sick, upset, and unable to work. My mother is struggling going back to work after ten years. One of the scanners I met at at the scanner retreat with Barbara in Corfu unexpectedly died suddenly at the age of 51. My best friend's father (who I've seen more than my own father for the past 20 years) has Alzheimers and is dying of cancer most likely soon. I have compassion for all these people and feel sad about those who have died or are dying, but sometimes feel that I think about all these things too much. There's not much, if anything, that I can do. I end up taking the easy way out and read escapist fiction or watch escapist TV to distract myself from thinking about all this. As a result, I don't participate in the activities that interest me as much. I'm not bringing this up to get sympathy or engage in group therapy of any sort, but wonder how you and other scanners stay focused on all your interests when life threatens to throw you off track. Elizabeth p.s. Your English is just fine. There were a couple very minor spelling issues here and there that I wouldn't worry about. You express yourself very well. Everything is very clear and understandable.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby An8el » Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:07 pm

I've noticed for myself, as a Sybil scanner, that there is definitely an inertia issue for me when I'm changing gears from one phase to another. Don't think that it's so much of a "scanner" issue, as an issue for anyone who is easily influenced.

Had an Alexander Technique teacher who once said something to me so metaphorical; "You have enough time, why don't you use it?" Decided that the answer is, given that I'm easily influenced, was to be more deliberate about what it is I'm going to allow myself to be influenced by.

I canceled the cable and kept the DVD player, so no more "gratuitous" TV watching when I'm deflated at some phase of the day. Watching TV is a whole different experience if you get together with someone to watch it as an event.

If I feel tired, I would go ahead and take a nap instead of distracting myself. (At least when the internet is a welcomed distraction, I'm responding by writing.)

Decided I was going to also minimize contact with the people in my life that I tend to take care of who demand quite a bit of attention and, from now on, only make friends with people who also offer me something of themselves in a reciprocal relationship.

Turned some of these energy drains into those who also do things for me by evolving the relationship and asking for help from them in ways I knew that they could handle. Giving the gift of need creates a warm fuzzy feeling if you let it - it's the flip side of the relationship of being the giver. In a way, it doesn't matter which side of the relationship you are on, only that there is a relationship.

Worry is another issue that happens for many of us - not just scanners. I began to use worrying as signal of my genuine concern and thus, as a goad to get me moving and actually problem solve whatever I was being worried about. If after I considered and determined that I could not do anything or much about the things that were worrying me, I decided the worry was a worthless use of my time and took steps to minimize contact with repeat performances. Thus I stopped watching the news reports and began to regard the news (and politics, to a great extent) as a form of public gossip.

Also have used the excuse to just get out of my house and take a walk to help with the inertia thing also. Found that just doing ANYTHING will help the wheels get juiced and then I'm much more willing to get rolling on something else productive toward one of my tasks.

Also began to apply the standards that I am making to justify why other people need attention to myself and my own desires, hopes and dreams. As an example of priority-making, I would say - when is a good time of day to practice music? For me it's when the house is quiet - so when I would notice that house-mate is gone now, then I would start to think...hey, I can make some noise now and not have anyone listening and not bother them with repetitious mistakes. Then the activity would start to be attractive rather than an obligation.

Other things that I have done is to tell myself that I'm not really "doing it" yet, I'm just getting ready to do it later when I'm "in the mood" or "more up to it." This is how I sort of trick myself into beginning to do something by promising myself that any resistance or anxiety is meaningless because it's really not actually happening yet. Then while I'm setting things up to do it, getting the tools out, etc.

I find myself thinking of the next and then the next thing to do, and then the whole challenge gets much more manageable. Also, learned to stop doing an activity just before I'm about to do something that represents a success, rather than abandoning it when I get to a challenging or confusing part.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:46 pm

Decided that the answer is, given that I'm easily influenced, was to be more deliberate about what it is I'm going to allow myself to be influenced by.
This seems like a good idea. I do make a point not to watch anything violent or that involves humiliating others (like much of Reality TV).
I canceled the cable and kept the DVD player, so no more "gratuitous" TV watching when I'm deflated at some phase of the day. Watching TV is a whole different experience if you get together with someone to watch it as an event.
I didn't have cable for a long time, and hence no TV service at all. But I added it to get cable internet. At least I have TIVO, so don't flip aimlessly through the channels. When I get together with others, usually I like to talk (though occasionally watch movies), but perhaps I'll give the TV as a social event a try. I'm okay with watching it some as long as it doesn't completely take the place of other interests that I could be pursuing. In Wishcraft, Barbara talks about keeping track of your time-wasting behaviors. She says you don't need to vow to reform. Instead, you cut that time in half, and devote it to your goals. I think I'll try it for a month
If I feel tired, I would go ahead and take a nap instead of distracting myself.
I have been tired a lot for whatever reason, especially on the weekends. Last weekend I did take a nap, but then managed to drag myself out the door to take my dog to the beach.
(At least when the internet is a welcomed distraction, I'm responding by writing.)
Sometimes, I spend too much time on the internet too. The time spent here is well spent, but I think I need to set limits on how much time I spend researching alternative remedies, the effect of tobacco harvesting on your health, and so on.
Turned some of these energy drains into those who also do things for me by evolving the relationship and asking for help from them in ways I knew that they could handle.
Now this is an interesting idea, but I can't think of what I could ask for help with. I suppose I could ponder that. I tend to think about ways that I could help.
when is a good time of day to practice music? For me it's when the house is quiet - so when I would notice that house-mate is gone now, then I would start to think...hey, I can make some noise now and not have anyone listening and not bother them with repetitious mistakes. Then the activity would start to be attractive rather than an obligation.
This is the one I struggle with the most, because I really should practice every day. It works best if I came home, eat, feed my dog, take her for a walk, and then play before I do anything else. But for some reason or other, the time has been slipping away from me. I eat out before I come home because I haven't organized my shopping or meals for the week, then end up staying out late talking to the neighbors during the dog walk. By the time I get home, it seems too late. Or last night, it was just plain too hot. Maybe I need a fan! I live alone with my dog Ayla, who is completely deaf. So, she doesn't mind if I make mistakes! I always enjoy it once I get started, but sometimes have trouble getting started playing.
Worry is another issue that happens for many of us - not just scanners. I began to use worrying as signal of my genuine concern and thus, as a goad to get me moving and actually problem solve whatever I was being worried about. If after I considered and determined that I could not do anything or much about the things that were worrying me, I decided the worry was a worthless use of my time and took steps to minimize contact with repeat performances. Thus I stopped watching the news reports and began to regard the news (and politics, to a great extent) as a form of public gossip.
I agree that worry certainly isn't caused by being a scanner. And although I know that worry is a worthless use of my time when there is not much I can do, but it still can be hard to stop. Perhaps part of me doesn't want to admit when there really is nothing I can do. I'm always looking for a solution. In addition to worrying about my family, I worry too much about work too. (Just to clarify, I'm not a nervous wreck all the time, but it's enough to bother me.) Fortunately, my friends are an independent sort so I don't really have any that drain my energy. I've thought about taking up meditation or at least doing Julia Cameron's 3 pages every morning. It could be a bit like clearing out the mental sleep from your eyes (brain). Thanks for taking the time to throw out ideas and talk about how you handle it. Sometimes I get caught up in a loop and need to find new ways to think about things.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby An8el » Sat Aug 30, 2008 7:20 pm

Always nice to be appreciated! Sometimes I think that my propensity for coming up with so many bright ideas in the past has been regarded by some others as an intrusive or judgmental action with correspondingly suspicious motives.

Of course, it's sort of tricky to restate that backing off and respecting autonomy is also something I can do, but I'd prefer to be helpful. Like being accused of child molestation, once the accusation is made, defense only strengthens skepticism.

I do have a strong value of feeling exasperated how is so unnecessary for things and people to go to waste when they could be having soooo much more productive fun! So I basically assume that people are really pointed towards improving things for themselves. I have come to appreciate how that's not always true and that is OK. Barbara Sher has taught me to respond with the "expanded bitching" so the whole thing becomes funny.

Because some people are truly after something like "Queen for a Day." (<----This was a 1950's TV program where women would compete for audience response for the most heartbreaking life story.) So - I realized that sometimes it's important to applaud and keep a straight face as I note the next reaction.

You asked more about how I turned people who were a pain in the butt into those who were able to offer a more reciprocal relationship. Yes, the first step is to acknowledge to yourself that there are things they could do for you in a general way. Many of us who enjoy doing things for other people do not acknowledge that there are many things someone else could do for us that we would find wonderful or useful.

Also - in our culture, there is status in being the giver - and this implies a lack of status in being the givee, so to speak. I think that there should be a word that implies that giver and receiver are two ends of the same stick of inter-relationship. Instead, being the receiver in our culture much more often implies a shameful sort of obligatory dependence.

But it's easier to find these things out by using the reverse strategy. You would carefully observe the other person...to determine whatever they are good at and find pleasure in doing. Then you would decide if you might want to have the benefit of what they take pleasure in doing. So, if someone finds it easy and fun to take care of their own music, for instance, spending lots of time making special mixes of songs on their own IPOD or something - ask them to do that for you. Or if they take pleasure in cooking, etc. Sometimes people do things for themselves that they can't imagine anyone else would want. If you can notice what someone does as naturally as breathing, (perhaps they are wonderful at flower arranging etc. and never thought of doing it for someone else?) you will be acknowledging the value of it to them.

This is a gift to them, when they have been taking the value of it for granted. You get the idea. One of the other important features of this is to be aware of what it takes to do what you are asking for - so you can give the appropriate exchange of either gracious appreciation and/or actual energy in trade. For instance, if someone's pleasure for themselves is working on cars, for instance - and they are willing to do this for you - partly because you know nothing about working on cars...it's always a good thing to be present when that is happening for your benefit.

This is very important, especially if all you can do is to bring cookies you bake while you are hanging out, hand off tools or press the brake pedal. It's important because then you will know first-hand what the effort of the other person really represents that is being expended on your behalf. ...You also might learn a few things.
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby elizagard » Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:30 pm

Always nice to be appreciated!
I'm glad.
Sometimes I think that my propensity for coming up with so many bright ideas in the past has been regarded by some others as an intrusive or judgmental action with correspondingly suspicious motives.
For myself, I usually try to not offer advice to my friends when none has been requested. I find it a little more difficult to do with my family as they are frequently one step away from disaster. I like your suggestions because I asked for ideas on how to be more productive (for the record, I did just finish my piano practice). The back and forth helps me think things through.
Because some people are truly after something like "Queen for a Day." (<----This was a 1950's TV program where women would compete for audience response for the most heartbreaking life story.)
Ahhh... mystery solved. You mentioned Queen for a Day and I had no idea what it was. Although I've had my ups and downs, no more than anyone else. And it's hardly a tragedy if I don't practice piano for a day or two.
You would carefully observe the other person...to determine whatever they are good at and find pleasure in doing. Then you would decide if you might want to have the benefit of what they take pleasure in doing.
I'd really like to do this with my sister, but I'm having a hard time coming up with any ideas. Many of things that she is good at or has been good at, I am too. She can fix cars (which I no nothing about) and gives great massages, but she also lives 1000 miles away. I'll have to think about this some more. With my mother, I can also ask her about medical things. Elizabeth
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Re: Calling all Sybils!

Postby Heartofstgiles » Fri Sep 05, 2008 9:34 am

Hello My name's Ken and I am a Sybil ...my interests include

Walking, London history, maps old and new,
cinema, tea and tea rooms, Scotland, doing research, poetry read out loud, model railroads, radio (television is so 20th century miow), art galleries, world peace, kindness especially random acts of kindness, old buildings especially ordinary ones that have survived everything else being destroyed, indoor plants, post-cards, and dancing.

My life's work s currenly creating guided walks of London neighbourhoods using old maps. Model railroads by the way not taking train numbers, think of it as a craft and you will get where I am coming from.

But what has really drawn me to this thread is the talk of friends and how people that mean specific things to you often don't fit into categories, or they over-lap several. The cycle is an interesting element of all this.

A few years ago I was in a prosperity group and as well as affirmations we did the prosperity game. My final spend was to buy the cinema near me that has been boarded up for years. I knew exactly what I would do to get it up and running again and more importantly showing films. It is still boarded up and this project is not current, yet it is still here (points to heart) and if not this one there will be a cinema sometime. The cinema, although often beautiful, is just the shell, on a releated subject:

someone told me how in Yorkshire there is an old quonset hut being used as a cinema.

And then there is gratitude. Remember if you can write down ....say 20 things you are grateful for today, it will not have been a bad day. Sorry if that was off-topic but it kind of under-pins it all.
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