The 'Finish What You Start' Thread

[Elizabeth_rb]

OK, OK, so we've been told it's OK to leave multiple projects unfinished, but many of us, frankly, don't feel good about that and rightly enough in many ways. Unfinished projects lead to feelings of failure and various other negative self-image problems as well as leaving ourselves open to unpleasant criticism from others.

For those of us who ARE bothered by the above, I've started this thread. The idea is that you post an idea or a method that works for you, or that you've heard others recommend, in getting things done and completed. That's not to say that everything must be completed - you'll need to be discerning as to what's a good use of your time, but it would be good to get some things done and have something to show for all the ability we're assured we have.

If you agree, post below. (If you don't, don't post!! This thread is only for those who want to complete at least some projects, not for those who have no interest in that. )

[Elizabeth_rb]

OK, here are my ideas:

1) Some people find a set time of day or week to work on UnFinished Objects (UFOs) is very helpful. Some even do it as a group, maybe even blogging their progress and showing off the results for that groups cheerleading effect.

2) Doing 5 mins or more on the project before starting on with something more attractive until it's completed. Of course, if you get into it, (and we often do when we begin to see something we'd lost interest in actually taking shape - progress is a great motivator), you can spend more time on it.

3) Promise the completed item to someone else, preferably by a certain date. A deadline is a wonderful motivator and works a treat for me 90% of the time.

4) Promise self a treat when a certain task/project is complete and MAKE SURE not to give in and get it under any other circumstances. Make certain it's something you really want. You may need to enlist someone else's help to make sure you stick to this one....

[Andreya]

Great thread!!

I want to finish many of my things, sometimes it seems like it's just hopeless, lol! (Because I've kept adding/starting new ones!)

I'd like to say one of the most important things for me is to have an environment where I can work (not too hot, ideally peaceful, quiet & good ergonomics.. still working on that!) Other obstacles may be things like having stuff scattered on multiple sources (USB keys/CDs etc, possibly not sure if infected or not) and not having them accessible when inspiration strikes.. (Backup is essential, I know..) Or not being sure how to go about it...

We've discussed some strategies in the Fidget to Get Things Done thread and before.. Maybe we can pop in links to helpful threads..

Ideally I'd use 'new things' as reward for finishing the previous ones.. (That's what some writers do.) Trouble is, I may get new ideas early in the morning too..
Deadlines are good, yeah, especially if they are real (external).

Having a clear intention (without distracting thoughts or other ideas) is good too, not quite sure how to go about it with some things... It worked in the past to write fiction (or do homework, at school) with a TV or radio on (only when it was something I really liked and was inspired by).

What kind of rewards do you give yourself, Elizabeth? Just curious... I think for me in the past 'negative motivation' has worked well (eg to have something even worse as an alternative..) I'd like to get positive motivation to work for me too, not sure how to go about it and if it's even possible?

I think it's easier if you have someone to do things with, even if they're on TV... (For example, I watched Felicity and it was easier to study, lol!) Real walk/jogging or studying buddies or such are best! I'd love to get a crafts/creative/artsy group here too, not sure how doable it is..

[Elizabeth_rb]

Rewards? Well, it would have to be very individual as what one person wants will be very different from another. For me, something like getting a box of special art pencils I've been wanting for a long time would do the trick, or something else for one of my interests that I really want.

I've always been very well organised, so I'm lucky, but I totally agree on getting the workspace user-friendly! Why waste precious time tidying up and finding things when you can have it all neatly filed and to hand. I never truly believe anyone who says they 'thrive on chaos', esp. when I see how frustrated they can get when unable to find things (oddly enough, that's when they usually claim to thrive on chaos....something deeply contradictry about that, methinks!! ).

I too have had a serious lack of workspace for many years, but when we move back to the UK within the next 2 months, it's been agreed that, if at all possible (and it should be) we get a place with a room for me to use as a study/studio.

[Unity]

Hi all

I'm writing about ways to avoid attracting projects in the first place as well as finishing those that you have started based on my own experiences.

1. Don't start projects that deep down you don't want to do and are only doing them to impress people or make friends. You could feel overwhelmed and stressed if it all turns out different than expected.

2. Don't volunteer to help people/organisations straight away if you're the sort of person that always regrets those decisions and tries to find excuses to get out of it. Think about it for a few days.

3. Reflect on past situations similar to the one you are stuck on and decide what action has worked and what has not. Try not to repeat the same actions that lead to further problems!

4. If no matter what you try, you just cannot do what is required, consider deleting it from your list. Often, if you stop thinking and worrying about that project, you will suddenly feel inspired to finish it - alternatively you'll realise it wasn't necessary in the first place.

5. Don't compare yourself to others and try and copy their lives.

6. Don't stress about your to-do list being long and you have to get it all done. Even if it get's clear at the end of the day, the next week will bring more things that need doing. The only way to avoid having anything to do is to have servants to cater to your every need so you have no responsibilties at all.

7. If something does need to be done and you're resisting, remember that it won't magically disappear on it's own (although if the project is for someone else it's possible they might decide it's not necessary for you to do it)

8. Ask yourself a question - are you resisting finishing anything, having long to-do lists, taking on new projects because it is filling a void for you? It can be comforting to always feel you have something to occupy yourself with. So it's better to be worrying about resistance and your neverending to do lists, than the lack of lack of relationship, money, social life, fulfillment, support or whatever it is.

[Andreya]

Elizabeth, you're lucky to always have been organized! I'm one of the 'artsy' types.. Only seriously took organizing and time management when I read about feng shui and took my interests seriously too.. (It became obvious I'd need maximum time/inspiration management skills lol..) At school, the system sort of took care of being organized and the schedule/time/inspiration management.. (Like Barbara Sher writes...) I'm still tweaking the system, what with chaotic family life and renovations and all.. (It's easier to write or do other things if the internet's not working! )

Unity, some great tips there!

I think the last one may be often true, too.. In a way the projects (OR avoiding the projects!) may be a way out of those things - for example, can bring you together with people and give you fulfillment or money.. The thing is to ask yourself, what will this give me? I guess.. (and make a matrix of projects and interests/wishes.. Wow.. Great ideas!) And see if you can do something more constructive that could give you the same things, I guess..

[Elizabeth_rb]

Thanks for those very good thoughts, Unity! I've come to several of those myself over recent years as I realised I had a tendancy to feel I had to do everything that was asked of me just because they'd asked me - and if they had, they must be stuck for someone better and are therefore already deperate, so I MUST do it!! I don't think like that anymore and I take time to think about it before I commit myself.

Actually, once I'm committed to more or less anything, I no longer like the idea and usually passionately want to do something else. BIG nuisance!

[Unity]

Elizabeth, that last para you wrote - does this mean you are the sort of person that always thinks the grass is greener on the other side?

[Elizabeth_rb]

No, I don't think so - at least not more than the usual person (we all are at times, right? ). I'm generally a very contented person who isn't at all big on money, possessions or always wanting something more/else. I don't know what it is that makes me feel unwilling to do something once I've committed to it. I suppose once the freedom to choose has gone, I get fidgetty. For example I was asked to teach Mandarin to a group of science and technology PhD researchers who'd joined a programme teaching them transferable language skills. Whilst it was that nice, cosy, informal and I could cancel if need be and stop the whole class whenever I liked really arrangement, then I was happy with it and enjoying it. However, once I was contracted to teach an undergraduate module where I MUST be there each week as no-one could stand in for me and a considerable amount of preparation, including creating homework and assessment assignments, had to be done, I hated even the idea of it long before term started, became very ill and stressed out having to resign by the end of the semester and even no longer wanted the relaxed PhD chaps!

That was nearly 3 years ago and I'm still recovering from the health implications of that 'being trapped' issue, so I'm pretty cautious what I commit myself to long-term these days.

I am generally happy with what I have though. Why do you ask?

[Unity]

I asked because that is how I interpreted your previous comments. I certainly didn't mean it in a derogatory way in case that's what you thought.

I often think like that myself and have learnt to hard way that it doesn't work - that's what I meant by earlier on about people not comparing themselves to someone else and trying to copy them.

Thanks for your answer.

I understand by your boxed in feeling that you had with the teaching.

[Elizabeth_rb]

No probs, I didn't take it the wrong way - we don't even know each other, so even less reason to.

Good for you combating the 'grass is greener' business. Hard to do, but SO worth it! Comparing ourselves to others is a real 2-edged sword isn't it? I mean, sometimes it's good as it can make us be all we can be (we might see someone doing well when we're dragging our heels, but could do as well if we just tried), but often it's just plain demoralising.

[elizagard]

Bonjour Elizabeth,

Me llamo Elizabeth tambien. I'm Elizabeth also. I am bothered by some unfinished projects. However, when I look back at my unfinished projects map from Barbaras's book Refuse to Choose, many of the projects had a way of finishing themselves eventually without me making a concerted effort to finish what was not finished. In any case, here are my current unfinished projects:

- Necklaces: I have a necklace from Spain that I took apart and decided to add Lapis beads to it. I used to work in a jewelry store many years ago, and learned how to knot pearls. I enjoyed the design part and fumbled through figuring how what materials I needed (thread guage), how much thread I needed, and technique. Then I set it aside for many months. I've recently picked up again. I am reorganizing my house and moved it closer to my dining table where I might work on it. I worked on it in few minute sections. I need a clasp from a jewelry store as those at the bead store were too cheap and low quality. Another is pearl and turquoise with a center pendant from a broken earring. I need classes on how to string beads without knots (technically should be easier but I don't know what to do).

- Knitting - I started this because coworkers were knitting. I used a washcloth pattern with big yarn and needles. It's a scarf and wider than I like. I decided to give it to my mother but stopped when my hands started hurting. That was years ago. I put it in a tote bag near a living room chair, but don't remember how to knit!

- Front Garden - A table and chairs to eat breakfast and lunch outside. More plants, A work in progress.

- Languages - Become fluent in French and Spanish. Picked up and abandoned for years.

-Sports - Many tried and abandoned then done again.

Elizabeth

[Andreya]

I have a similar problem as Elizabeth teaching Mandarin - sometimes I lost interest after or at the moment of 'committing' too.. or if other people were (too?) enthusiastic (or 'go ahead' or too negative) - I seem to need something inbetween?? Like they must understand it's difficult or all that it implies, and must be understanding and supportive and inspiring and not pressure me too much-?

I've looked around online and have wondered if it could be connected to 'commitment phobia' (I think I might have it) or 'avoidant personality syndrome' or such, or if it's just the ADD-ishnes or anxiety of feeling trapped and such? I may have some social anxiety (in specific situations, it's much better than when I was a kid!!) and I wonder if some of Elizabeth's bad experience in teaching came from that too? (I hated some aspects of teaching and liked some other aspects sometimes.. On the whole it was often kinda frustrating too, though sometimes it was great..)

Bonjour Elizabeth II.! Good to hear many of your projects got finished spontaneously!
I saw it works best for me to see and interact with other people doing it and feel some competitiveness!!
Though if they're too good (or too bad/hopeless) about it I lose interest too.. It must be about my level, some better and some worse.. lol.. I can be funny that way.. My sister also said in a class in high school, 'Why bother, I'm the best anyway'.. So it may be good to find some 'key players' that are good also and compete with them (playfully, sort of) What do you guys think?

[elizagard]

Competitive knitting? I'm not sure how that would work.

Many of my interests (gardening except for the Chelsea flower show, languages, making jewelry, etc.) are either not competitive or I prefer when they are not (bicycling, hiking, and so on). However, getting other people involved, especially those that can teach me, is not a bad idea. In some cases, I'm not sure what to do next. Or maybe I can take things as far as I can on my own, and then ask for help when I get stuck.

My solution to not wanting to commit is to not do it UNLESS I'm very, very sure that it's something I want to commit to. Some self-analysis and knowing what you want can be useful. If you are not sure, don't do it. I also have no problem saying no if needed. Nearly all my scanner interests are things I do for fun, not money. If I do commit to a contract or employment, then I stick it out for the specified amount of time (or at least a year for a job). Otherwise, it looks bad on your resume.

[elizagard]

- Necklaces: I finished the lapis necklace and also one with beads from Venice. I told myself that I only needed to do one per month, but have done two so far. Each one takes about an hour, so it's relatively quick. I like the design part best of all.

- Knitting - This is on the back burner. It's warm and I don't especially like the yarn for the scarf that I'm doing (and it's too wide). I will pick this up later.

- Front Garden - Got new hoses. Still figuring this out. Still need A table and chairs to eat breakfast and lunch outside. More design and sorting out how to make maintenance easier - and I need a maintenance schedule.

- Languages - Not sure what to do. Trying to think of how to make this fun. I was doing grammar exercises a while ago but ran out of steam. Might join some groups. Trying to understand what is my motivation. Read some children's stories.

-Sports - I'm going to try a mellow woman's bike ride. I want new friends.