I don't fit into this society

What should you do when you want to do everything? If you're fascinated by everything, and you've been called dabbler, dilettante, undisciplined, indecisive etc., this forum is for you.

Moderators: Tituba, BarbaraSher

I don't fit into this society

Postby Annalena » Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:45 am

Maybe I just have the wrong friends.

I dont know.

Whenever I bring up the possibility of not getting into that mainstream route after finishing (graduate) school, they're like "whoa! really?". These days, I get the feeling, it's really only socially acceptable to finish school, start looking for a job, complain about not getting a job for a considerate amount of time, finally get a job (not too well paid though), work in that job, for guys: work in that or another job you constantly complain about until you retire, for women: stop working for 2-3 years after each child and then work part time, for both: complain until you retire, until you start "the real" life, once you're retired complain about how boring your life is.

Maybe this is just a German problem (after all, we're great at complaning!)

I might have exaggerated a bit, but I really feel that is the way it is! I have so many ideas. I want to write a book (or more). I want to create a start up. I want to be a tv travel journalist. I want to work for a news agency. I want to be a photographer. And so on. (As stated in some posts before).

But you need a "fixes monthly income". Any kind of entrepreneurship is disapproved of. It's not SAFE! Sometimes I wonder- do these people realize the companies they now work for and pay their SAFE salaries have once been founded, too?!

It doesnt help, I guess, some of my friends have witnessed some of my started (and not finished) business projects. Guess they dont take me serious anymore about my ideas. I cant blame them- probably thinking I'm just jumping from thing to thing cause Im not smart/ driven/ engaged enough.

It'll all be so easy if there was this one thing I wanted to do and could just get an alright job doing that just like everyone else.

I'm writing my thesis, but seriously unmotivated to even finish is, cause what's next?

Right now I'm doing all my promotion/modelling jobs, but 1) I can not do that forever 2) I do not want to do that forever 3) that does not make for enough money to do it forever. The one thing I really like about it though is that it's mostly day jobs and it's always something new! Plus, alot of times I'm the center of attention which I have to admit I like;). I need this thrill of something new and exciting all the time. How am I gonna get this once I am stuck in a 40 hours per week employee job?!

Well, I'm not even sure what the point of this post is...but maybe someone can relate.

Sorry its long!

Annalena
~~ thinking helps. ~~
Annalena
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 12:29 am
Location: Germany

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Scenario Thinker » Wed Jul 06, 2011 11:22 am

Annalena wrote:Whenever I bring up the possibility of not getting into that mainstream route after finishing (graduate) school, they're like "whoa! really?". These days, I get the feeling, it's really only socially acceptable to finish school, start looking for a job, complain about not getting a job for a considerate amount of time, finally get a job (not too well paid though), work in that job, for guys: work in that or another job you constantly complain about until you retire, for women: stop working for 2-3 years after each child and then work part time, for both: complain until you retire, until you start "the real" life, once you're retired complain about how boring your life is.

Maybe this is just a German problem (after all, we're great at complaning!)

Wow, sounds like a day in the office to me (no, it's not just a German problem).
S.Thinker
....o
^/v
/>
User avatar
Scenario Thinker
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 7331
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:01 pm
Location: near Chicago

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Unity1 » Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:00 pm

I don't think it's about jobs as such.

Haven't you noticed on the internet for example. Posts that are about success usually get far less responses (if at all) than ones about problems.

There's that phrase 'birds of a feather stick together' so if you get a few people complaining, before long everyone is coming up with a list of complaints too - often trying to outdo each other.

I have lived in different environments and seen the vast contrasts between people e.g

A - enjoyed spending money, fast cars, expensive houses, dinner parties, creative, confident, very upbeat and positive

B - wealthy, extremely frugal, complainers, keep to themselves
Unity1
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:39 pm

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Me and my Hamster » Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:06 am

Annalena, I can sooo relate to what you say. This is what I feel!
That being said...

Some of me friends feel the same way. Some others don't. So I tend to rely more on those who do even though I still love those who don't.

It may not be about jobs, but about what people generally think is right. And what is "right" tends to suck. FX, having a fix job and a stable life that eventually get you bored to death seem to be the right thing. But it sucks. IMHO

Whatever the job, there'll always be people to complain, people to say that job is hell and wait for retirement. And there'll be people happy with that. We French are good at complaining too. For some reason, going on demo and refusing both changes and status quo, are some kind of national activity.
Me and my Hamster
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Mon May 17, 2010 4:42 am
Location: Somewhere in France

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby kashtanka » Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:06 pm

How about doing both, having a "good enough job" to pay the bills, and then doing other things on the side, as Barbara often suggests? Also, all jobs are not so boring that people complain about them all the time. The complaining rate was tolerable in my job(career) as a tax auditor because everyone was so busy trying to bring in more money for the government...we were all competitive because our results were posted. A regular job may sound disagreeable to you, but it does have some pluses and maybe you could consider them. When I worked a regular job, I still wrote stories, took classes, went to writing conferences, mingled with friends, did many creative things, etc. A regular job doesn't have to define who you are. You can be excited about your life whether you work in a regular "good enough" job, in your own business, a part time job and plenty of time for your own pursuits, or any other working situation. If you're happy, you can be happy wherever you happen to be.
kashtanka
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1750
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:15 pm
Location: New York

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Annalena » Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:28 am

Me and my hamster, you are so right.

It's not even about a job, it's about what is "right". A lot of people - or so I get the feeling- do not what they would wish to do even if they could because it is not "right". What is right for some, may just not be right for others. There is no genereal "right" way to live your life, just people tend to think that..

Funny story- my mom always told me sleeping with socks is unhealthy but I get cold feet very quickly. So out of curiosity, I googled it. There is quite the debate going on! A lot of people who advise against it argue with it being not hygienic and "just not right". Although no one apparently has a real reason to not do it. This goes for so many issues, some as minor as this, some not, like childcare, sleeping with underwear under your pajamas, being self-employed, to dry or not to dry your hand-washed dishes....

I am getting SO tired of people getting involved in my life and weighing in on stuff that is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. I have learned not to discuss major life decisions with my parents anymore (or any decisions, for that matter) , maybe I should now just learn to say "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" to my friends.

We all seriously need to stop judging.

My mom's birthday is today and I am already horrified of her one friend- she's an angel at heart, but she's exhausting to be around. Last year she told me I need to "finish school now!" so I can "find a good job" as "all the others my age already have". I told her I'll decide it my way. Which led her to tell me "No, you have to!"

kashtanka- you are right, and I am considering this. Just, as I guess everyone will understand around here, I'm having a hard time deciding what kind of "general" job I should even go for. My game plan for now is to apply to everything that sounds suitable and makes for a decent income- and because I have already done so many different things in my life, that's quite a lot of jobs, then take it easy, just go to interviews and see how it goes and whatever works out, works out. The good part here is - I have absolutely no fear of ever being unemployed, cause if so, I'll just teach English or German, go working on as a promoter, as an interpreter, nanny, or whatever.

I just know I have had a very hard time focusing on school "on the side" while working and doing a lot of other stuff, so I'm kinda scared it might not work out to do other things, too. (School was supposed to be (!) the main thing, thou...) On the other hand, working is much less of a burden on me than school is! So maybe I'll actually HAVE time and energy left to write and do other stuff. And one thing I need to remind myself of- no job lasts forever and I am free to go when I want!!

Thanky all for your help and kind words. Today is actually the first day in 2 or 3 weeks I am finally working on my thesis again! The future is bright, even I don't know what it's gonna look like:)
~~ thinking helps. ~~
Annalena
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 12:29 am
Location: Germany

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Scenario Thinker » Fri Jul 08, 2011 4:19 am

Annalena wrote:Funny story- my mom always told me sleeping with socks is unhealthy but I get cold feet very quickly. So out of curiosity, I googled it. There is quite the debate going on! A lot of people who advise against it argue with it being not hygienic and "just not right". Although no one apparently has a real reason to not do it. This goes for so many issues, some as minor as this, some not, like childcare, sleeping with underwear under your pajamas, being self-employed, to dry or not to dry your hand-washed dishes....

This reminds me of a conversation I heard at a party or something, where a couple of wives were worried about the fact that a stainless steel sink shows the water spots more than a porcelain one. Oh, HEAVEN FOR BID, that water spots show on the sink! It's like the TV commercials with spots on the glasses. It's things like that over the years that made me realize I don't want to spend my life worrying about such things (or being around people who do).

By the way, I usually wear socks to bed. I've gotten colds in the morning from sleeping all night without socks.
S.Thinker
....o
^/v
/>
User avatar
Scenario Thinker
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 7331
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:01 pm
Location: near Chicago

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Annalena » Fri Jul 08, 2011 4:42 am

Well, if they really are bothered by the spots (not something I would ever be able to relate to), then they shall get the other one and live on happily with it.

I remember a brunch invitation at a friend's house, when we were still there his girlfriend started to do the dishes. The dishwasher was full, so she did the rest by hand (not something I would do, but I will not tell others how to live THEIR life! If she wants more work, go for it)... then she put them on a towel and when she was done, ordered her boyfriend to dry them. I asked why she wanted him to dry them although there was enough room for all of it to just stand there and dry on its own!

She didnt even say water spots or anything bothered her...no... listen up:

"It's just something you do. You can't just let it sit there."

I was like...WHY?!?!

She had no answer for me.
~~ thinking helps. ~~
Annalena
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 12:29 am
Location: Germany

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby kashtanka » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:01 am

Annalenam that is so funny about the dishes! Oh my goodness!
kashtanka
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1750
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:15 pm
Location: New York

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Me and my Hamster » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:09 am

Haaa... in the dorm I was living in, people were exactely like that: you HAVE to dry your dishes, you DON'T let them dry by themselves!!! But, he... why not?


Haha, that reminds me that day I met a kind of fundamentalist Christian who had no argument at all except "That's because you didn't let God a chance to reach you and tell you the truth."
Whatever I said, like "It's your POV, not mine" or "I don't belive in that" or whatever... I WAS wrong, end of story.
She didn't question anything, she was just thinking she knew the absolute truth and those who didn't belong to her church were wrong and lost.
And I must say... this is quite scary!

But well... that's not the same. The story crossed my mind!

When I think of society, of what they do, what seem to be right aso, I can't help thinking it's nonsense. it seems to me that most people don't care about why they do things and why they don't do things. What is the meaning of all this, and where does this come from? I can't help wondering why I should do something that doesn't make sense to me.
And then, the deus ex machina answer: because it's the way it is. People do that, end of story. You NEED to fit in society, think of this, this, and that, do like this...
It seems so arbitrary to me...
Worst part is that I can't stop analyse it and think that everything's wrong. XD ut that's my opinion.

To tell the truth, I often find myself completely exterior. Like an alien observer on planet Earth trying to understand people.
Me and my Hamster
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Mon May 17, 2010 4:42 am
Location: Somewhere in France

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby kashtanka » Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:15 am

I have a funny story about living with roommates while in college. One of them used one of my cooking pans to soak her underwear in. When I told her she shouldn't have done that, she asked why because she always did that at home. I thought it was disgusting, and I threw that pan out.
kashtanka
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1750
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:15 pm
Location: New York

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Unity1 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:23 am

Kathy you must have felt terrible. I know a story on par with yours.

An elderly man I used to work with never washed and he was nearly black with dirt, he was so lovely that no-one had the heart to say anything. He used to have a filthy cotton handkerchief that he used each day and the only time it got into water was at Christmas when he used it to cover his Christmas pudding and put it into the steamer. I'm not joking either!

He didn't think it was wrong to do that at all :shock:
Unity1
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:39 pm

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Scenario Thinker » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:17 am

Boy, these stories are making my sweaty stories seem sterile. :)
S.Thinker
....o
^/v
/>
User avatar
Scenario Thinker
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 7331
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:01 pm
Location: near Chicago

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Unity1 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:36 am

Scenario Thinker wrote:Boy, these stories are making my sweaty stories seem sterile. :)


don't worry ST one of your stories still brings me out in a sweat :D I don't think I could ever forget it.
Unity1
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1662
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:39 pm

Re: I don't fit into this society

Postby Scenario Thinker » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:51 am

Check out the fitness thread ... sweat and sunglasses.
S.Thinker
....o
^/v
/>
User avatar
Scenario Thinker
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 7331
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:01 pm
Location: near Chicago

Next

Return to Refuse to Choose: The Forum for Scanners

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron