Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

What should you do when you want to do everything? If you're fascinated by everything, and you've been called dabbler, dilettante, undisciplined, indecisive etc., this forum is for you.

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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby ljp » Mon Mar 10, 2014 12:18 pm

Me again ;)

Skannie, I didn't mean to sound as if I didn't appreciate or like the Facebook group. I appreciate your setting it up. I probably should have joined under a pen name. I did look around briefly and then my desire for a little more anonymity made me leave.

Right now, I just feel a little lost in my life. I'm realizing that I have been isolated for awhile and it's starting to get to me. :)

I'm at a point where I'm evaluating my life and what I want to do and I quite frankly have no idea. I sometimes feel like I'll be trapped in this "trying to figure it out" mode.

I'm working on moving forward. I'm not sure, really, what I am looking for, but I know there are some things in my life that I would like to change. I am (finally) talking to people who will hopefully help me move forward with this. I say I would like to change, but the way things have been for years are comfortable. *sigh* A lot of times, I'm just plain scared. I'm learning to tell myself to just go with things and not try to come up with all the answers right now.

But as Barbara says, isolation is a dream killer. I recognized that from another thread.

I'm trying to sound semi-coherent when I post here, but I realize that my mind is full of lots of things and trying to figure too many things out at once :)

I think I'll just try to make it a goal to read a thread or two here every day or so. Maybe they will give me some insight.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:23 am

Hi, Ljp,

I want to tell you that I know how you feel. At least three of my friends fight the temptation to be isolated. So do I. My goals for myself are to get out of the house every day, get some exercise, and talk to people. I usually meet my goals. When I don't I feel yucky. (Yucky is my word of the moment - it just sums everything up so well.) Feeling yucky motivates me to get out and do something the next day.

You said that you're trying to figure things out. If you want to write something here, feel free. I don't guarantee more than a sounding board, but sometimes that's helpful. And, hey, maybe someone will write something that resonates with you.

Anyway, good wishes.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby ljp » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:55 am

Hi Elaine,
Thanks for posting and your kind words.

Yep: isolation is Yucky ;) I've just realized over the last year that it is my biggest problem. I'm sick of it.

I do get out every day, but I don't necessarily interact with other people. Usually, my only human interaction is my spouse. One person cannot satisfy all the needs of another.

I have worked from home, doing web development, for the past 6 1/2 years. I've realized that I'm sick of working for clients. The money has been good, but it's just a field where everybody and their brother thinks they know everything about websites. If they've seen one, they think they know all about how things should work and be done. Also, in a do-it-yourself world, lots of agencies and clients want to nickel dime things. Just sick of it :) I realize that if I'm going to devote so much time to something technical, I would like it to be something that everyone out there doesn't have an opinion on...something where you have a skill or talent that everyone and their 12-year-old nephew's dog doesn't think they have. ;)

I would like to just take a break and figure out what I want to do going forward. My spouse is okay with that, but I feel anxiety about not having that extra money coming in. I know we could make it fine, but I also like the extra things we can do with the extra money.

However, one thing I have done along side my web dev business is running several of my own "niche" websites. These sites still make money and I know they would make the same or more if I had more time to devote to them. As it is now, my brain's priority is my clients' sites so my stuff always gets put on the back burner. But I do feel this itch to write some of the stuff that's in my head and just play around, WITHOUT a client -- just for me.

I have contemplated starting a Meetup in my area, an idea party-type group. Not sure whether there would be a large enough group of people interested in such a gathering, but it would be nice to have an interesting and smart group of people to kick things around with every so often. Not sure what I would call the group. What types of words or phrases would interest the people here? Those would be the type of people I would want to attract. (I know I should post this elsewhere in the forum. Just going with my thinking at the moment...I'm on a roll! ) :)

Thanks!
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Thu Apr 17, 2014 9:15 am

Reading your post reminded me of what it was like when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

You've asked some good questions, and you've written some good ideas.

Good luck.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby ljp » Thu Apr 24, 2014 11:52 am

I do feel like I am trying to figure out what I want to do next in life.

I have lots of questions and thoughts and trying to find resources.

I am rereading Refuse to Choose and just finished I Could do Anything... I found I Could do Anything amazingly insightful. Very helpful. But I'm still stuck and hoping to get unstuck. Mainly, I think not thinking you're stuck is progress and the best thing to do ;)

I was hoping to have more interaction here, but I think it's difficult. I see lots of people that post about needing help and such but I don't see a lot of "here's where I was, here's what I did, here's where I am now" sort of things. The books actually prove to have more ideas. I was hoping to connect more and brainstorm more with others of like personalities.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Sat Apr 26, 2014 9:49 pm

Hi, ljp,

As far as practical, "been there done that" comments, I can't help you. In the realm of computers and web design, I'm still trying to figure out the technology of ten years ago.

The administrators who keep this program running might have some ideas for you. For a while now, comments on the boards have been slow, and some of the people who used to post regularly have stopped posting. I'm hoping they come back. Meanwhile, new people are coming on, and it's getting back to a more interesting and useful web site
I do think the question, "what am I going to do with the rest of my life?" is something that takes time to answer. Keep looking. You said you're reading "Refuse to choose". I assume you call yourself a scanner, which means you're interested in so many different things,that it's hard to just pick one. If that's the case, you could pick the one that's easiest to do - a one-day, not- very-expensive adventure, a two-day class, or something similar - just to get the juices flowing. I did do something like that. I asked my brother-in-law to take my husband and me out on his sailboat. I took my camera and my dog, and spent the day enjoying the water and taking pictures. They turned into a blog article which my dog wrote.

That's all I've got. Good luck.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Avrum » Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:47 pm

ljp wrote:I found I Could do Anything amazingly insightful. Very helpful. But I'm still stuck and hoping to get unstuck.


I'd imagine the clients B. Sher refers to in her books were engaged in coaching and/or Success Teams. I'd be shocked if reading one of her books was enough. I'd also wager that many of these people became unstuck when the paint of their inertia far outweighed the pain for growth/change. Reading some of your posts, I get the feeling you may not be there i.e. sick and tired of being sick and tired.


ljp wrote: I was hoping to have more interaction here, but I think it's difficult


My hunch is this was happening a decade or two ago. Unfortunately, that ship has sailed...

I'm in the process of incorporating some of Sher's ideas (mainly Wishcraft) into a Jewish self-growth program. One element that I'll be focusing on is encouraging people to form groups, or pairs, to support each other's dreams/goals. Unlike Barbara, I ain't going the Twitter/Social Media route. This is going to be real time, face to face, type of stuff.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby elizagard » Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:00 am

Ljp,

We may be both in a similar situation and am intereested in brainstorming ideas- figuring out goals, problems, solutions and so on. I check the board from time to time, but would post more if there were a success team atmosphere. I am 50 and currently wondering what to do next. Until recently, I worked as a writer in the computer industry - although for a major corporation. I am burned out and also injured, and therefore unable to type 8 to 10 hours per day. Prior to being a writer, I was a credit manager until my late 20s but have supported myself from the age of 15. I have always been independent, but am now in the position of being able to take some time off. The thought of being dependent on my soon to be husband scares me. I have worked hard all my life, so this is weird.

On the other hand, it is a luxury to be able to really consider what I want to do next. He is encouraging me to pursue my drawing based on some work I had done in a couple classes taken previously. I am taking a short botanical drawing class recommended by a woman that I met at barbara's first scanner retreat. He says I should find my passion. He has been passionate about computers from the age of 5. My other interests are cooking and food, music, hiking, nature, gardens, reading, museums, and...

I have just moved in with him and probably will not be settled for another month. The woman next door is interesting and also considering her next move. She is a dancer and choreographer but is wondering if she should stay in California for less money or go back east again for a more lucrative position. I hope she stays as I am otherwise very isolated and my daily social interaction is mostly my fiancee who is not the most verbal man in the world.

The isolation is my biggest issue currently, but hard to deal with since I have been so busy with the move. I have made a list of people who are nearish my new home and plan to contact those who are not too busy and have similar interests. I did this based on wishcraft which I have read again and again for the past 35 years.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Avrum » Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:37 am

elizagard wrote:my soon to be husband


First of all, congrats!

The isolation is my biggest issue


I hear ya. I'm in the final stages of writing a book and, if nothing else, the hiring of editor(s) provided me with companionship, support, etc. I continue to look for ways to reinvent the Success Team idea - most recently with my (Jewish) community. I've been meeting with a local rabbi to use ideas from Wishcraft to facilitate the making and keeping of (Jewish) New Year's resolutions.

I did this based on wishcraft which I have read again and again for the past 35 years


Amen! More than any other self-help/growth book, Wishcraft seems to be a constant companion. It's so good, and IMHO still the most relevant, practical and psychologically astute of the bunch.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Sun May 11, 2014 2:14 pm

Hi, Avrum

Remember me?

I like your idea of doing a success team with your Rabbi. I know how important your faith is to you.

Good wishes to Elizagard and ljp.

I think all I can offer, is "yes, there's someone out there."
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby tailormum » Fri May 30, 2014 4:31 pm

Have meant to come back to reply, but so much has happened, including my partner spraining his ankle, our dog dying, my mother-in-law-to-be visiting, and it being extremely cold. I can barely feel my fingers as I type this haha. Minus -5.0 Celcius right now and I can't convince my partner that a fire would be a really good idea right now. :shock:

Reread Refuse to Choose again last night. I find it quite hard at times to combat other's misunderstanding of who/what I am, the negativity and so on. Reading Refuse to Choose again helps combats that and reminds me that I'm ok and I don't have to keep trying to change.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:20 am

The first time I read about scanners, I had to admit, "I'm not really a scanner." I was apologizing for being boring, for not having so many interests. I thought, and still think, that a scanner is a wonderful thing to be.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Jun 06, 2014 11:14 am

Elaine, your post reminds me of the feeling I had when I read it. But in my case, I felt that I was a scanner.

The other feeling I had was that I couldn't figure out what kind of scanner I was. So I became envious of the folks who post here and write "I'm a diver" or "I'm a Cybil." It's like high school all over again, only this time it's with scanner types and not career choices.

BTW, I'm silently laughing at this irony right now. I don't mean to sound negative and whiny.
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby SquarePeg » Fri Jun 06, 2014 11:25 am

Welcome back, tailormum. This is why I like message boards -- when Real Life gets in the way, we can still keep a thread going. Sorry about your dog -- I hope he or she went peacefully. And I hope your fingers thaw out!
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Re: Hello Hello, is anyone out there?

Postby Elaine Glimme » Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:03 pm

Tailormom, I'm sorry for all the challenges you're dealing with. I hope you get some mellow times soon. -5 Celsius on the last day of May - What's up with that????????
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