So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

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So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:50 am

My scanner journal

I hope it would be ok to share here the excitement of noticing the change of my life after I discovered that I’m a scanner. I started to see myself as a project, I’m now interested in my change, how I feel differently than before. I just want to write it out, the wonderful feeling inside my chest.

At the moment (about two months after I first discovered the book) the change was more subjective at first but it became more and more objective. :D

At the beginning I just started with feeling some hope, instead of hopelessness. Before this I had no idea what my next ten years would be like. I assumed then that I am going to start many things, be enthusiastic about them for a while, then pretty sure I am going to drop it before finishing it and hate myself. Before I thought the non-finished product equates to zero, meaning, I don’t achieve anything. It will happen until I die.

After reading the book, I guess I started telling myself subconsciously, that it’s ok to be like this. Others did it too. It’s not a problematic life, it’s a normal life like others, no curse, no shame, no guilt. What a relief!!

I remember that in the past two months, my first reaction was to celebrate. I’m a scanner who (with the support of my partner) was partially successful in forcing myself to dive. I have been working for twenty years (only six months break in between which was wonderful). Because I felt like being forced all the time, I’ve been saving money because I had a secret fear that one day I would leave my work and had to live off my savings if I could no longer bear it. I didn’t enjoy anything else than my own creativity.

After reading “Refuse to Choose”, subconsciously, I went out to celebrate. I didn’t buy many clothes and/or eat out much before, I didn’t feel like doing that. Most expenses were on art supplies and craft materials. However, I started buying clothes again and enjoy eating, Japanese foods, Western food, desert and ice cream, I craved for them all (and later I have to be on diet again, as I always do all my life). I found myself go back to swim and to gym, since I started to like my life.

After that, I have been entering a lot into scanner day books, I have done a lot more drawings than before ( I used to try to avoid drawing my ideas in a book).I have made a lot of small handmade cards for colleagues in my office (cards which took less than 30 minutes) for various occasions which I never had energy to do before. Now I have energy to list people’s names for making the big card which more details I used to do sometimes before.

I then found out there are lots of interesting postings in this Refuse to Choose Forum, I don’t think I would need any new books for a while. It's the whole new world to explore.

The book advised me to map out the unfinished projects in my place, I therefore started exploring the pile of art material/ craft supplies I have been collecting years and years everywhere. I personally don’t really like a mess since I’m practicing Zen and meditation. There was an internal conflict before, I like a tidy house, but if I don’t see project material/supplies lying around the place, I forgot what idea I had. So I used to spread them all out, but was disappointed to see them unfinished, and not living in the clean/tidy place.

The scanner daybook is a great solution. Even though before the book I have folders of my previous drawings of projects, it was just a proof of failure to finish things. But now that I have read the book, the scanner day book is so practical in remembering my ideas, and it’s no longer painful to look at.

I took those art supply material out of the shelf, from under the table and took photos of each group. Then I went through all the cabinets in the house, got rid of old clothes/ and old newspapers/boxes I won’t use again. I sorted them out and gave or threw them away (since I now have energy I didn't have before) and found lots of space. I put art supplies in each cabinet and printed photos of them which I placed inside the cabinet door. There is no pressure to finish them and the ideas are saved in the scanner day books. I got the tidy house I want to live in. :D

I plan to list what I have finished doing in the past and organize it. I think the scanner day books are going to be bigger and bigger. I have a lot to do in finding the idea and materials for the cards I plan to make. I use meditation to help me keep balance between the office work I have to do and the eagerness to jump into those projects (which I will do only until my rewards end, and enjoy the journey of figuring out how to do it, instead of concentrating on the finished product). I feel wonderful.


Thanks again for this forum to give me a chance to express the wonderful feeling I have, I will continue to read the previous posting of all scanner and look forward to what you all would like to share :D
Last edited by NowIknow on Tue Sep 22, 2015 6:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby BarbaraSher » Fri Jul 18, 2014 3:44 pm

What a wonderful report! I'm reading it late at night and can feel a huge smile on my face.

Welcome home, fellow Scanner!
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:11 pm

Dear Barbara,

Thank you so much for your kind words. Hearing "Welcome home, follow Scanner!" from you means a lots to me. :D

After roaming around for 42 years, I really feel like home with fellows who understand me.

I hope to add more entry to my journal :)

Thank you again. :D
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby emspace » Sun Jul 20, 2014 11:44 pm

Great report, NowIKnow! Thanks for sharing. It’s great to hear success stories of Scanners who discover themselves and unleash their superpowers at last! Bravo to you!
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby SquarePeg » Mon Jul 21, 2014 1:13 pm

That's a really awesome testimonial! Thanks for sharing!
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:09 pm

emspace wrote:Great report, NowIKnow! Thanks for sharing. It’s great to hear success stories of Scanners who discover themselves and unleash their superpowers at last! Bravo to you!


Thank you very much emspace for your kind words. I'm so glad to have this moment of my life I never imagined to have. :D
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:42 pm

SquarePeg wrote:That's a really awesome testimonial! Thanks for sharing!



Thank you very much SquarePeg, this is great moment of my life, so great I want to record it so I could reread it from time to time. :D
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:50 pm

My Scanner Life Journal # 2

At the moment I started rereading each chapter of the book "Refuse to Choose" carefully. My friend joked that I'm going to make the thesis out of the book. I use study method to see what is the key idea and how much I remember in each paragraph. Then go back to read the paragraph again until I understand and remember the key idea.

Still feeling great everyday about not having to pressure myself to finish all the projects. However, I did make progress in many projects in the meantime. This journal is one of the project s which has progress. Going back to look through all my notebooks, I saw many diaries in various topics I had started and dropped. It was the guilt feeling and lack of understanding of my scanner characteristics which stopped them.

The understanding of one's identity is so powerful, now I feel like it's worth recording how I transform and it's ok to only do it as long as I want to do it.

Organizing my place is also the project which has progress. It is so fulfilling going through each cabinet, getting rid of stuff and having more free space. When I first read the book, I decided that the first project to take action on should be changing my environment, instead of jumping to art and craft idea in my head, I still have the whole life to do it. This is because I don’t feel like having to rush out to buy some materials or spend time to google something before I forgot the idea, which made me busy all the time, kind of in a constant rush. I started to feel that I have time now, how wonderful.

This is the life changing moment, I started to see the major change in my feeling and my environment now. Though it progresses slowly because when the ideas keep popping up in everything I see as a scanner, I have to stop from time to time to draw and write in scanner day book. However, after the quick drawing I could come back to the project of organizing my place. This is the first time I could continue the project I prioritized, I'm so content. :D

Though I have other things to finish because it is due, I have an upcoming trip abroad in the next several weeks which I have to prepare (my partner took me on a trip once a year in the past ten years). My car also is due for inspection and I should have medical check-up.
However I don't feel a pressure anymore. Because I no longer think like before that if I spend time of those necessary things, I will lose some idea and time to work on my art project( I used to think that I have to be at my place all the time so at least I could finish something and not a 100% looser, only 95%  ). Now I just carry small scanner daybook, write the idea down when running some errands. There will always be new ideas, and it's not dysfunctional not to finish them. I feel so amazing.

I also started accepting lunch and dinner invitations from my siblings and friends. It's been wonderful spending time with them again.

The difference compared to before (avoiding invitation as much as I could) is again that the pressure I put on myself to finish something and the constant resisting not to be a looser are gone. I used to think those lunches and dinners stole time from me. I have done my duty going to work in the office Mon-Fri. Lunches and dinners with friends and family used to make me feel like a weekend duty before. With that attitude I might not enjoy much when I did go, and they felt that I didn't enjoy.

Nowadays, it's been wonderful to open up and learn about lives of people I love and care about. Knowing my art ideas are saved somewhere and it doesn't matter when to finish them, the writing and drawing the ideas in the scanner daybook in itself is an achievement. I feel great.
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby Midaila » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:56 am

It's great reading your reports. Your enthusiasm clearly shows from your writing. Such a great feeling, isn't it, being excited? :)

Welcome~ You're here with your kin.
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby Elaine Glimme » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:56 am

Reading your posts makes me happy too.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby emspace » Mon Aug 11, 2014 10:01 am

You’re a terrific Scanner success story, NIK! And I love hearing about your progress, too. Keep bringing them! If you feel like it! :wink:
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Sat Sep 13, 2014 10:56 am

Midaila wrote:It's great reading your reports. Your enthusiasm clearly shows from your writing. Such a great feeling, isn't it, being excited? :)

Welcome~ You're here with your kin.


Thank you Midaila, it's such a great feeling..I finally feel peace in my heart..
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:14 am

Elaine Glimme wrote:Reading your posts makes me happy too.


Thank you Elaine, I'm so happy to hear from scanner too :)
Last edited by NowIknow on Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:15 am

emspace wrote:You’re a terrific Scanner success story, NIK! And I love hearing about your progress, too. Keep bringing them! If you feel like it! :wink:


Thank you very much emspace, I love my life enough now that I'm planning to follow up my life's progress from now too ^^
Last edited by NowIknow on Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: So excited about the newly discovered life as a scanner

Postby NowIknow » Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:44 am

My scanner life journal #3

So sorry I have not been here for a while and to thank those who replied to my post... thanks again. :D

I remember that the book refuse to choose said that hiding your scanner personality is like trying to keep puppy in the bag..and knowing your identity is like letting the puppy run free..Oh boy ..I feel like I have been running around the world like the puppy since my last posting..(I thought I could control the puppy but I realize now that it's quite a strong puppy and could not be put on the leash easily after 42 years in the bag).

To report to you (any who would read this) since the last post I have been very happy..everything is so exciting, it's like I have just been born and my scanner life is just 5 months old. I totally saw everything with the different feeling.

I have plan to write my journal more often than this (which I will in the future), but though I live the same life I lived before, everything I see now it's like the first time I see it, it's full of hope and potential of happiness (not necessarily a finished product).

Thanks again Barbara, you really saved me for miserable life and helped people, I hope you remember this every day. (I'm still working on your thank you card, FYI) :)

These past two months, phew, the ideas kept popping up in my head non stop. I guest it was because I have tried to suppress them for 42 years, tried to eliminate them in the course of trying to be normal and/or tried to fight them as I have no rights to have new idea when I have not done the old one. Now that I'm not busy with the said activities, the guilt free ideas what I want to do is like a fountain.

All I could do is writing them in the scanner day books as fast as I could, I have filled about two books. They are mostly drawing cause I didn't have enough time to describe in wording. It's been an amazing feeling, I'm not obliged to make them, I already got my reward having them in the scanner day book!!

I have not read deeply about the different type of scanner, I know now that I'm not interested in everything (just many things), for example, engines or robot..nope.

My mainly focus is art. In addition to pop up card, I love Disney, costumes, history and miniature, since it's not possible (yet) to make costume for human to wear, I made them for 12" doll size like barbie doll (and other dolls in the market nowadays). Combine the 4 above I focus on historical costume and miniature objects. scanner day book are filled with design, theme. I jumped into drawing them into the book with the manner of puppy, every kind of art project I ever wanted to do, I drew and wrote one after another, everyday ...it's no more the wrongdoing. It is truly an amazing feeling.

I guess as a 5 months old scanner (in the body of 42 years old man) is a happy one. This is the first year I don't feel like my boss hate me :) I notices that I have let go of many comments which I used to sweat a small stuffs a lot (because I was feeling like a looser thus so sensitive with people's comment), that is gone. As a result, I'm no longer interact with people as they are a potential murderer (of my confidence) anymore.

Though currently I have something in life to think about, a major change, I remains to be calm and keep finding information for an input. It's was not a worry-only-do-nothing like in the past (pre scanner life) :) I also have had a big extra project at work in the past two months (some kind of work crisis which required research and analysis), I feel like it's the first time I worked hard but felt so calm, strange but true.

I carry the book refuse to choose around, like a new machine which need the manual within read. I tried to read more and each time I think I understand more of a technique in the book, I have to read them more, repeatedly. Manual is not supposed to be read one time, or when problem occur, if you need to operate the machine, you should know the relevant items in the manual by heart. However, the ideas and scanner day book entries distracted me from reading the book.:) I'm trying to balance it.

I have many ideas about each aspect of my life, education, financial, hobby, traveling. I think knowing your identity is like knowing where your happiness is (and not what you were told that it's a happiness), and go straight to it.

Discovering the book refuse to choose is a life changing moment for me. I have started my scanner life journal on the facebook page. Then there are plan to make faceboopage for each my project procedure, so that people might benefit from the half finished project and they could take a journey with me. I don't care anymore about the strategy of only showing the finished elaborate product and got a wow responses. I guess I already got a reward, and the idea might not become a finished product at all. I started with posting many of my project drawing on the separated facebook page, don't care people could use the idea and finish it before me. People took it as the finished drawing and that's a product too.

Thanks again for this forum for a chance for me to let my feeling inside my chest out :)


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