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Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 1:26 am
by La Fenice
I am reading "Refuse to Choose" now, after "I could do anything..."
In "I could do anything" I loved the Scanner part as I found myself into it so well... but then I also fitted a small portion of the Diver who doesn't know how to learn...
When I did the exercise of writing the list of things I have done in my life, the results were confusing: I am a scanner for most things: I love to learn new things (though I have tried to KILL this trait in the last years, because I thought I had something very wrong in my brain) and I get uninterested once I know how to do whatever I am learning.

I have seen this pattern with soap making, making cosmetics (I can make real lotions, shampoos, serums... with real cosmetic ingredients - I am not talking about "mix an egg with some lemon: the best face mask ever"), dyeing wool, felting, knitting - though with knitting if I find a particularly challenging or beautiful pattern I get drawn to it... and then when I have to knit the sleeves, usually the most boring and unchallenging part, I die inside :D (and most of the time I just forget about it), painting.
Well I was saying: while for most of my interests I get my drive by simply "learning how it is done", I have found out that sometimes I have given up things without reaching competence, because I was not seeing results. Probably if I had learnt to stick to it, I would have had results. This is very clear in my various attempts at learning languages.

I have a big choice to make in the next couple of months, as I am moving back to my country.
I don't have skills with which I can find jobs easily, so I was thinking of going back to University and get a degree.

The problem is that I have no clue which degree I should get (in my search to clear my mind, I found Barbara's books) as I have many interests and I feel scared of commitment: I can never be 100% something (a scientist, a psychologist, a food technician ...) but there is a side of me who would love me to commit and stick to something and prove myself that if I choose one thing I can do it. I feel I have so much potential in so many things and I feel suffocating if I think of sticking to just one.

I am totally confused.
If I am a scanner (I think I am) maybe going back to study is not the right idea because every choice of studies will be too limiting and will make me suffocate after a while.
But if I am a diver who doesn't know how to learn, then maybe I should pick one and force myself to dive and stick with it.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

ps. I did chuckle when I read this part of "Refuse to choose" :D
"There's no point in trying to specialize in the field of learning theory, because once you understand the issues, you'll leave that field as fast as any other".
I have been studying about how to learn efficiently and this was one of the things i was thinking I could study in university. Neuroscience. Oh well... :bash:

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:00 am
by kim@eastwillow
Hi La Fenice -

I can hear in your post that you really do feel lost. I sometimes feel the same. I am new to the Scanner community, but I have to say that reading the book has really made me feel differently about myself and my history. So I will offer up here my own current thinking on some of what you have said - in hopes that it is helpful.

1) You said "I have found out that sometimes I have given up things without reaching competence, because I was not seeing results. Probably if I had learnt to stick to it, I would have had results."

I think that the way to think about this, as a scanner, is to think about what the REWARD is - not the result. Just as the story in the book, a honeybee would be silly to stay at one flower - the purpose of a honeybee is to move around - and so it is with a scanner.

So a good question to ask yourself - and this is an exercise in the book - what was the reward for you in the things you have started and not finished?

For me, I can get really excited about a topic - spend a couple of hours researching and reading about it on the internet, and then drop it. And I do that because it is FUN for my brain - and I expect that somehow your stuff may also be FUN for your brain.

But then, it becomes not so fun, and you drop it.

So look for your reward.

2) I think you are also asking "Am I scanner or a diver?" - so that is an interesting question and one that you can maybe just hold. One thought I had on that was "does it matter"?

I have found Barbara's book "Refuse to Choose" to be filled with SO MANY great ways for doing things a little bit differently - in a way that feels better, and also for thinking about things. So one idea here might be to just try some of them out. See if any of them fit for you.

I am doing something similar myself right now - playing with what a Daybook will look like for me, thinking about backwards planning. I think we need to try this stuff out - (not just think about it) - and then see how it fits.

So - regardless of the label "scanner or diver" - the question is really - do some of the structures in the book help? Do they help you to feel better about your own pattern and rhythm of working. (although, I will say, your description of how you work does sound like you are scanner :-) .... maybe just try it on and see if it helps to relief you of thinking there is something wrong with you. You sound super creative and prolific to me... I couldn't even knit one row of anything :-)

3) The other piece you wrote is "I feel totally confused" -- I know that one of Barbara's quotes is about "isolation is the dream killer" - and I think that is true. Often La Fenice what we need is a really good person to talk to and unpack all of this stuff around work/career/what we do and look at it. I think a good coach is very good for that. A note: a good coach isn't going to tell you what to do - a good coach is going to help you to see that you have everything you need right inside you and that you are awesome :-) And they will help you to discover and take action on your dreams.

So the summary I have is:

What is your reward when you do stuff? This is important because it can help you to see that you do in fact finish things/get results - it just isn't the result that you might think you "should" get.

Have you done/tried some of the exercises/structures in the "refuse to choose" book?

Maybe find a good coach who can be a helper along the way as you make this transition.

We often don't honor transitions the way we should. Making big life changes (like moving) can be a real challenge (it is also exciting but it is a real change) and so getting support is really good.

I'm also here on the forums and wanting to stay in conversation. I'm on my own journey - not so unlike yours but I'm not moving soon - and so I do think we can help support one another.

If I had to guess I think that is why Barbara made these forums, to help us to be connected :-)

I hope this long response is at least a little bit helpful.


Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:57 am
by La Fenice
Hello Kim!
Yes it was very helpful! Thank you!

I have come to the conclusion that I am a scanner but for too long I forced myself on trying to find that ONE THING that was my one and only real passion.

I have just started reading Refuse to Choose so today it is only my second day of the DAYBOOK and I have to say... It was a real long time I didn't allow myself to dream HAPPILY and shamelessly!
I have just SEEN that every time I was getting a new "crazy idea" (I always called them like this in a very happy meaning, except for the last years), I would refuse it or I would try to radicalize it in "THE ONE THING I WAS WAITING FOR"... and this was just a recipe for feeling a failure later.

Yes I think you had a good idea: I should really look for a coach!
Maybe a coach who understands scanners, because nobody around me seems to understand so usually people come up with "you should pick that ONE THING and stick to it" :D which now is understandable, but before made me feel really bad cause I didn't know why I couldn't do it! :D

Do you have any idea how to find a good one or how to choose one?
I will search the forums, there might be a clue somewhere around!

I would love if we could support each other!
And I think we are on the right path!

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:02 am
by La Fenice
I found a list of coaches who trained with Barbara!
I just contacted a few!

Thank you again Kim!

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 7:41 am
by kim@eastwillow
Excellent news La Fenice !!!

I have to say -- your quote here: "I have just started reading Refuse to Choose so today it is only my second day of the DAYBOOK and I have to say... It was a real long time I didn't allow myself to dream HAPPILY and shamelessly!

I feel EXACTLY the same way - YES YES YES -- all of a sudden, doing a daybook entry - I was transported to this wonderful, happy, almost magical - childlike place where I could just PLAY with idea - with no pressure to do something else - just wonderful !!!!

Hope you find an awesome coach!! Let me know if you do!!

Stay in touch. I'm currently working on figuring out what my first "Best Work" project should be - if you haven't already read about it, you will as you go further in Refuse to Choose.

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2016 12:56 am
by La Fenice
I was wondering, would you like to keep track here of our exercises and what we find out?
I would like to have somebody to walk with, inside the book!
I could try to reach where you are in the book and then we could write here the results we have when we do exercises! Would you like that?

And if anyone comes here and is reading the book, of course they could join too! :)

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2016 5:32 am
by kim@eastwillow
Hey - Great idea!

I have to admit to have been pretty much skipping around the book, so there is no place for you to catch up to... but the idea of sharing some of our learnings and insights related to the reading and exercises is really appealing to me. Let's do it !!!

Maybe we should start a new thread - so maybe call it "Reading Refuse to Choose Together" -

what do you think?

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2016 11:13 pm
by La Fenice
Yes that could be a good idea so other people might join as well!

Will you open it or should I? :)

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 4:11 pm
by kim@eastwillow
Hi - I just set up the new thread - named it "Reading Refuse to Choose Together"

So let's get started!! I will post some of my first thoughts, what I've done, at that thread tomorrow morning :-)

Looking forward to discussing !!!

Re: Lost Scanner

PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 12:12 am
by La Fenice