Barbara's New Rules: Stay Tuned!

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Postby Jezicka » Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:58 pm

Good point, Sunrunner. What I said to LittleTigger was this: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jezicka: <B>...Barbara's post was directed as much to those of us who have frequented these boards for awhile as to you, or any of our newer members. I leave to you to draw what you will from what she had to say to new members. What I took for myself is that I need to be as free to refuse my help as I am to give it. Otherwise I am not free at all. Valuable advice which I mean to do my best to follow.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE> To put it another way, I know I need to learn to just put my advice out there -- or not-- depending on my time-- and then just leave it, without worrying about whether I've said it right or how it's taken either one. My experience with both myself and others in any case is that we hear what we need to, when we need it. And until we're ready to hear it, no amount of explaining or rephrasing will make the slightest difference anyway.
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Postby GiniDee » Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:55 pm

Too true, Jez! No one hears anything til they're ready. And unless Mahara has an agreement the rest of us don't know about Image, there aren't any monitors on these boards except Barbara. I'LL HAPPILY ENTERTAIN OFFERS FROM ENTHUSED VOLUNTEERS. EVEN IF WE DON'T HAVE THE TECH TO TEMPORARILY SIDETRACK NEW POSTS FOR AWHILE, IT WOULD BE GREAT TO HAVE A MONITOR FOR EACH FORUM. I've sent a few things to Merk, the webmaster, mostly spam-type stuff as FYI. This has all been pretty free-wheeling, learn as you go as far as I can tell. As Barbara gets busier, as she has been lately, she will have even less time to supervise, much less mediate or monitor. This has become a VERY busy board. Hope there can be a way to make life easier for everyone on it - including Barbara! All the best - Gini Image [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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Postby KateinCanada » Wed Mar 24, 2004 3:28 pm

I don't know if it's possible to do anything about this but one of the things I've been finding increasingly difficult on these boards is the poster that basically says "I haven't read the books, I haven't done the exercises, I have these 15 interests, now tell me what I should do with my life." Is there any way of encouraging people to do the work first and ask for help when they're stuck instead of relying on others to figure it all out for them? THANK YOU!!! WISHCRAFT IS FREE ONLINE. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE BOOKSTORES OPEN. JUST START WITH "IDEAL DAY" AND WORK THEIR WAY THROUGH THE WHOLE "FANTASY ANALYSIS". AND THEN COME HERE. (BOY, IT WOULD BE SO GREAT IF THEY'D TRY TO DO THE FLOW CHART TOO, BUT THAT'S WHERE PEOPLE GET ANXIETY ATTACKS. TOO REAL. DATES AND ACTIONS AND EVERYTHING. THEY NEED COMPANY AT THAT POINT.) [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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Postby kimbersf » Wed Mar 24, 2004 3:58 pm

I think I may be the sole voice of dissent, but I really feel strongly about this, so here goes: I'm pretty new to the board (just a couple of months), but it seems to me that imposing a lot of new rules is like trying to kill a mouse with an elephant gun. I think a lot of people get excited by Barbara's show and her books (I know that I did/do). So they find this board. And in their evangelical state, want to help and be everything in their wildest power. Those with the right frame of mind find a wonderful forum of open minds and hearts -- gobs of people with positive, optimistic, can-do attitudes. And those who are in a different place will get the message soon enough and drift away...or change their attitude. I think some of the frustration I've been feeling of late was knowing I was being manipulated by a very few who wanted something more than ideas, yet I still wanted to help! When I should have just ignored the posts in the first place. WELL SAID, AND I REALLY SEE YOUR POINT. IF THE MORE EXPERIENCED MEMBERS COULD BACK OFF AND REIGN IN THEIR IMPULSES FOR A LITTLE WHILE (NOT EASY AS YOU HAVE NOTED) WE MIGHT NOT HAVE TO SAY MUCH TO THE NEWBIES AT ALL. MOST OF THEM AREN'T OUT OF LINE, REALLY. STILL, IT WOULD BE GREAT IF NEW MEMBERS GOT TO KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE, AND IT WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL VALUABLE (WHICH THEY WOULD BE) IF THEY HELPED OTHERS. But how many newbies may now have to suffer for a select few's bad behavior? I don't know if I would have wanted to wait two weeks to share...and receive all that this forum offers...and it just seems to me as if we're penalizing everybody for a few. Grrr. Hmmph. Sigh. Soapbox is now firmly back under chair. Image Kimber [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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Postby Tituba » Wed Mar 24, 2004 4:12 pm

This is Barbara's board and I'm sure she will not impose heavy-handed rules. Basically, she wants us to: 1. be nice to each other 2. help each other 3. try not to judge From what I know of Barbara, I don't see her making alot of rules. Rules tend to cramp freedom and creativity. I think the main reason she wants the newbies to contribute before asking for help is so we get to know them. Also, giving tends to open the heart and mind.
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Postby Jeepdream » Wed Mar 24, 2004 4:44 pm

Kimbersf Image I think what most everyone is saying that new people need to get a feel for the place so they do not jump in with their own elephant guns pointed at those who have been here longer. Clarification is needed. How it is done is for Barbara to decided. She will most likely use the insights here and on other posts.
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Postby MDG » Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:08 pm

Like I said earlier...Omigosh! What a fine conversation! Barbara truly is the best Communicator I've ever seen. Just look what she has accomplished, here on her boards, and in every other way we can think of, including many ways we haven't yet noticed. All this, and much more, in the same number of hours and days as we are allotted. No, Gini, I am no monitor by any stretch of the imagination. I am here only by the grace of Barbara's tolerance. And, I am here because I learned a bit about my own 'writer's voice', by posting. There have been many fine frequent-posters who have gone on to other dreams; and many who come only to read, and to see how we are doing. When I first registered, I had the impression there was someone at UBB who watched for the unruly and the rude. We wouldn't know how many disasters were prevented by such a person. On another occasion, one experienced poster mentioned the 'rhythym of the boards', or the 'courtesies', or however he put it. And that we need to 'be around' a while, to understand. We come from a zillion different backgrounds, stages of growth, writing abilities, and degrees of health. Add that we learn 'computering' on our own, over time, and that we can't always see the whole person in any single post...well, I think we have done very nicely so far. That is the proof that Barbara's methods work. She, herself, has said that one person in about every twenty or twenty-five is too depressed to receive assistance from her (and ourselves). It has been a revelation to me to see Barbara say that no one here can help some people until they receive professional care. Barbara is the kindest and most practical, commonsense person I have ever seen. She'd say, "Aw, shucks", I know, but it's true. She cares, wonderfully, about our well-being, every one of us. And that includes the times we make errors, especially if she sees us pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try all over again. That's Barbara's gift, and her magic. She sees. She understands. And she knows that the skies are our limits when we 'get' it. Barbara has pioneered a path for us. She knows her method works. And she understands it is her destiny to tell us, to coax us along. And, she is tireless. The more we can do for ourselves, and each other, the happier Barbara Sher is going to be. I think we owe her happiness, fulfillment of her dreams. She has given us, millions, so much. Isn't it amazing what one person can do when they plop themselves down under a tree, exactly where they want to be?! Barbara's Way, is very simple and easy to understand. Read the book, and talk to friends. Be nice to each other, and don't 'sell' anything. (That 'selling' thing, or 'convincing' is a corker!) Let's read the books. It's all in there. So many tell us they love to read them, and do the exercises, again and again. And, let's share our ideas, as all these good people post. We will find a way to do everything we hope to, in chorus. That's the Sher Way. Mahara
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Postby GiniDee » Thu Mar 25, 2004 12:44 pm

Hope this all works out to keep these boards the place I've come to know and love. This is the first BB I've ever joined or been on, so I had no other experience to rely on for guidelines. But I truly love the climate and inhabitants and mission here, and would support any moves that keep it a Sher-ing place! All the best - GiniDee Image
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Postby katchal » Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:53 pm

It would be helpful if there were a way to convince the newbie members to please have pity on the veteran board members and review the old posts before asking common questions. (They'll know which ones are common by reviewing the older posts!) There are SO MANY newbies on the board lately (nearly 1600 new members since October 2003!) that those of us who have been here a while can get a little burned out on reading, let alone answering, popular questions over and over and over and over again. I'm not saying this because I don't want to help new members. That's not at all the case. It simply gets too hard to find a helpful, creative answer that beats the "I want to be a writer/artist/singer/freelancer, what do I do to get started?" and other dead horse questions for the 50th time in 6 months. I THINK THE VETERAN BOARD MEMBERS COULD TRY THIS: WHENEVER YOU SEE A POST, CHECK YOUR FEELINGS -- LIKE TAKING YOUR PULSE. IF YOU NOTICE THE SLIGHTEST HESITANCE OR THE WISH THAT THE NEW PEOPLE WOULD DO THEIR HOMEWORK, *MOVE ON.* SOMEONE ELSE WILL ANSWER THEM -- MAYBE SOMEONE NEWER, WHO WOULD FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. HELPING EVERYONE ISN'T AN OBLIGATION IN A PLACE LIKE THIS BULLETIN BOARD. THE ABILITY AND DESIRE TO HELP PEOPLE IS A RARE GIFT, USUALLY SUPPORTED BY AFFECTION. YOU HAVE TO TREAT IT REALLY WELL. THAT MEANS TO GIVE IN TO THE IMPULSE TO HELP ONLY WHEN IT'S INTERESTING AND FUN TO DO SO. YOU DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF CHOICE IF YOU SEE SOMEONE KNOCKED DOWN BY A CAR, BUT YOU DO HAVE IT HERE. I've noticed that some of the best, most informative, talented, and brilliant members (such as Vict, Cyrano, Xnera, Violin, and others) don't post as often as they once did. I am concerned that we might lose some of the best talent on the board if we burn out our veteran members by rehashing the same issues and questions ad nauseum. And, with that burnout, we lose the collective experience that members who have already been working on those goals for year or two can offer. EXACTLY. AND I WON'T BLAME THE NEWBIES, KATCHAL, I'LL BLAME THE GIFTED GIVERS LIKE YOU. SO BEHAVE YOURSELF! We can help new members more effectively if they read the old posts and use that information to get started. Then, they will be ready to ask their fellow members for help with the next steps - the harder questions that REALLY challenge us! Those are the ones that make participating on the board really fun and generate the most creative suggestions. How can we convince the new members to review the old posts and use the search feature to mine that gold? AHEM. [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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Postby Asking » Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:38 pm

Ideas of welcome and guidance category and reference to Barbara's great books and wishcraft.com all great. Also great the pbs special and book by Dr. Wayne Dyer THE POWER of INTENTION. Glad to help if I can. Newbie
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Postby kmmarr » Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:03 pm

Look how many awesome ideas have been generated in so little time! I would love to contribute to the creation of a "newbie" type page with a list of common topics and FAQs. Since I am SO new myself, I couldn't begin to create a complete list. But I am willing to spend some time (offline) generating a list of the questions I had when joining and offer this to whomever leads the effort. THAT WOULD BE WONDERFULLY HELPFUL, KMMARR. I know that I have caused many folks to answer the same questions they have answered many times before!! [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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Postby insight2020 » Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:12 pm

Gotcha-Willing to help-however-how will anyone else know?? Also,how can I spread my "intro" topic around to other forums without having to retype it each time?? I'm a brand-newby! Thanks!!
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Postby Tituba » Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:52 pm

insight - posting your ideas right on this thread would be great. Posting the same topic to multiple forums is one of those things that get people riled up.
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Postby das813 » Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:20 pm

I'm a newbie and I wanted to thank all of you ladies(and gents) for the wonderful advice you've given to me and others. I find it a wealth of wonderful information that frankly I don't think you can find anywhere else in the world including your own home. I've been more motivated and creative than I have in years. So thanks. I am a little wordy (it runs in my family) but thanks is enough! Debbie
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Postby GiniDee » Fri Mar 26, 2004 3:55 am

Copious amounts of free time, katchal? Not really. But I do write VERY fast, and read even faster. And don't sleep much Image Yes, I've noticed that some of the older members are posting less often too. I've only been here six months myself. I find that same question asked over and over without searching first for previous answers is annoying. I've stopped answering those. I agree that it would be great if people were able to go to the next steps more - AFTER reading Barbara's books, checking out solutions already given, etc. But lots of people won't, no matter what. So what next? Image YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, GINI. FUNNY THING ABOUT A TUG-OF-WAR. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LAY DOWN YOUR END OF THE ROPE AND THE GAME IS OVER. I BET IF THE VETS DIDN'T TAKE SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY FOR THOSE KINDS OF QUESTIONS, OTHERS (WHO MIGHT LIKE THE OPPORTUNITY) MIGHT STEP FORWARD. [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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