Barbara's New Rules: Stay Tuned!

If you have a question, look here first. New users, post here first.

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Postby Tituba » Sat Jan 29, 2005 11:13 am

Just an update for all those that contributed to this thread, Barbara has summarized these ideas and will shortly be posting either a new forum with guidelines on use of this board or make them sticky threads.
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Postby Quest » Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:17 am

Bump for newbies!
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Postby Vict » Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:42 pm

Hmmm... time to bring this thread back to the top, I think! I can hardly wait to see what Barbara has found most pertinent, and how it makes it's way into sticky threads and FAQs!
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Postby Tituba » Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:09 pm

Vict - Barbara is in final edits on the threads. I sent her a reminder email.
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Thanks for the bump!

Postby jewelB » Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:52 pm

I appreciate seeing the rules. I'm new to this kind of group and didn't even know to look for guidelines (silly me... sorry!) As a newbie, I thought \"who am I to offer advice.\" I'd better post a wish and see how it goes, get a feel for the responses, and then get busy answering others. So extra thanks to those who responded! So... I'm afraid that I had the whole thing in reverse. :( Grateful for the input! And encouraged by thinking my input is valuable.
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Postby Tituba » Sat Apr 16, 2005 6:21 am

I appreciate seeing the rules. I'm new to this kind of group and didn't even know to look for guidelines (silly me... sorry!)
Barbara has been editing the Rules for the board for a couple of months now. As she is headed to Turkey next month, I wouldn't look for them to be posted anytime soon.
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Postby Fastalaskan » Fri May 20, 2005 7:51 pm

I've noticed that I (and others) will go through the time to find links and offer advice and find that the originator doesn't even come back. So now I just kind of wait and see. Does the new user offer advice and encouragement to others? Do they even come back to express their views on feedback they've received and let us know how they are doing? That's an important step, because this is a community.
"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." -- John Lubbock
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Postby DanielShaw1975 » Sat May 21, 2005 7:20 am

I'm new, and for what it's worth I think the setup of these boards is excellent! And the fact that you are working to further improve them is also great. I like the idea of some sort of "new members" forum. Or, some rules or suggestions could be built in to the registration process. Maybe it could be text slowly revealed, or a little video or audio stream - something we wouldn't be able to skip. I've been asking for help more than giving advice so far, and it has occur ed to me, even in my state of feeling needy, that I MUST also focus on helping other people as I can, and do so right away. Thanks folks for all you do!
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Postby DanielShaw1975 » Sat May 21, 2005 7:22 am

Also, how about an option for new folks to display somewhere clearly that they are newbies. like a special set of green emoticons you can only use during your first month.
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Postby Moonracer » Sat May 21, 2005 9:12 am

Daniel: I'm glad you see that it's important to pitch in. The weird thing is, it will actually help you feel better too. By trying to find answers or offer support for someone else, you really do begin to feel like a part of a community. Any and all advice is appreciated here (but please keep it constructive!!) Another great thing to do is to take the time to go thru all of the threads. Even years back. I have found little gems of information that I have been able to use. It's well worth your time. Welcome! Dive right in. :D
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Postby GiniDee » Tue May 24, 2005 10:35 pm

It's awesome to see how these boards are evolving. The community is still strong, even as the people change, come and go, help and get help. Yes, Daniel, the more you help the more you learn and grow. Take care, everyone. Hugs and helpful cookies - Gini :D
GiniDee :mrgreen: My idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. :mrgreen: GiniDee :mrgreen:
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Postby Quest » Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:29 am

Bump for those new to the board!
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Re: Barbara's New Rules: Stay Tuned!

Postby Quest » Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:46 pm

Bump. Below is from the first post (page 1) in this thread.
Originally posted by BarbaraSher: [b]With so many new people coming into the boards and so many helpful people already here who can't bear to have anyone feel neglected, I think I'll have to set some rules and figure out where to post them. In the meantime, all of you can cut and paste what's here ... I WANT EVERYONE NEW TO KNOW THEY'RE VERY WELCOME HERE. IT'S IMPORTANT, HOWEVER, THAT BEFORE THEY ASK FOR IDEAS AND HELP, THEY GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE (MANY OF WHOM ARE ALMOST AS NEW AS THEY ARE). SO THE FIRST IMPORTANT RULE (THERE ARE LITTLE ONES ABOUT NOT MAKING YOUR PARAGRAPHS TOO LONG OR POSTING ANYTHING COMMERCIAL) IS THIS: IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS BOARD, LOOK AROUND, READ THE POSTS AND SPEND A FEW WEEKS HELPING OTHERS WHENEVER YOU CAN BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR FIRST REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE. . THAT WAY YOU'LL KNOW THE PEOPLE HERE, AND THEY'LL KNOW YOU, TOO. THE POPULATION OF THIS BOARD IS GROWING FAST. MOST NEW PEOPLE HAVE THE KINDS OF REQUESTS THIS BOARD IS PERFECT FOR: THEY NEED IDEAS AND STRATEGIES, INFORMATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT, AND NOTHING MAKES THE MEMBERS HAPPIER THAN COMING UP WITH THAT KIND OF HELP. HOWEVER WE'RE FINDING THAT A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF NEW people HAVE urgent problems AND BECOME UPSET AT NOT GETTING THE KIND OF HELP THEY NEED. Then we have a situation that can't do anybody any good and might be doing harm. If all new people will spend at least 2 weeks getting to know -- and trying to help -- other members, the problem might be avoided. Now, to the helpful people on the board: most of you are kind and tolerant even when unhappy people don't like the quality of the help they're getting. Some of you get upset by it. I THINK A THIRD RESPONSE IS CALLED FOR: BACK UP AND GET SOME PERSPECTIVE. I know how upsetting it can feel to be in a rotten position (don't ask about my story, friends) and how easy it is to feel reproachful towards absolute strangers as if they owed you something. You just can't help yourself. That's how it looks to you. But if a new person is willing to spend a few weeks helping others and giving us time to know them it will be clear that they can care about others and aren't lost in their own problems. In that case the help given them might do some good. And if they're unwilling to help others, this board isn't the right place for them. THIS MEANS THAT when you see that someone is depressed or desperate or upset with the help they're getting here, please, instead of rushing in to soothe them or to scold them, JUST BACK UP A BIT. THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET. BUT NOT AT YOU. AND YOU HAVE A URGE TO HELP BUT YOU MUST RECOGNIZE YOUR LIMITATIONS. Wait a little while to save someone's life. Search the board to see helpful they've been with others. Sometimes it's impossible for unhappy people to keep from seeing the world as dark and the people who try to help as inadequate or thoughtless. But it might give them a sense of their own power as well as some perspective to help other members for a few weeks before they ask for help themselves. If they really can't do that, they're in an emotional place that you probably can't influence and, as I say, this board isn't set up for that. If you can direct them to some kind of help line that would be better. Until you've established who you're dealing with, try to remember something I've had a hard time learning, and it's still a work in progress: no one is an endless fountain of help. It's important for givers to exercise patience and avoid kneejerk rescue attempts. Givers don't understand their value to their community. If they did they'd see that it's irresponsible to everyone (not just to them) to burn themselves out. [This message has been edited by BarbaraSher (edited May 09, 2004).]
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I agree and am open to help others.

Postby hammonsw » Sun Jul 10, 2005 7:42 pm

I am really new and this board is not. I am a little intimidated by the vastness of the threads. I have found very good advice from people who are smarter than me who have experienced some of the situation that I am experiencing. That is helpful. I will wait to share my problem and obstacle for a while. That seems fair. I will try to figure out how to sort by most recently posted threads so that I am not giving advice on how to fix Windows 98 problems to somebody who has bought five new computers since that was posted. I think there is something very spiritual about selfless acts of sharing and helping others. I do some volunteer work face to face because it seems like the right thing to do at the time but am not intentional in my volunteering as I am with financial contributions. Bless you all, I look forward to getting to know some of you. Wayne Hammons (Wayne H.)
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Postby Creative Sage » Mon Jul 11, 2005 2:53 pm

Thanks for bumping up this thread--somehow I missed it before. Maybe Barbara's updated rules post should be made into a \"sticky\" thread, if it isn't already. This is a wonderful, very special forum. It is a good point to remind everyone that you can't help all of the people all the time, but you can contribute a little bit of useful help in some situations and add to the discussion. Then it's up to the people requesting help to take the new information and help themselves. One thing I always appreciate is when someone thanks me (on the boards or via PM) when I am able to contribute valuable help or significant information. Likewise, I try to thank other people when they help me. You feel less burned out and more appreciated when you help, and I think it's just good manners. It keeps everything on a more exchange-oriented basis if you give as well as take. Just my two cents... Cathryn/Creative Sage TM
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