Barbara's New Rules: Stay Tuned!

If you have a question, look here first. New users, post here first.

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Postby flash » Tue Apr 20, 2004 9:24 pm

I am a newbie. I've been around for a couple of weeks. I started reading this three or four days ago. I felt very shut out. Like I wasn't wanted as part of the "in" crowd because in my excitement at seeing Barbara on PBS, I posted something early on. Try to remember that it's scary to start down this path. Not sure I still want to be a part of it.
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Postby LittleTigger » Tue Apr 20, 2004 9:44 pm

Flash, please don't be disheartened, or discouraged. One of my first posts wasn't very well worded, and I was quick to take offense at some of the negative replies. I didn't understand for days that they just didn't understand what I was saying, and thought I was being negative about them. Not the case at all! I felt the same way you feel, not welcome, not wanted, etc., but I stuck it out, and I am very glad I did. Don't take negative things personally, and don't let a negative post get you down. I'm not big on rules either, but rules are a must. The longer and more I read, the more obvious that becomes. Its also very important to be explicitly clear. I knew what I was talking about. Trouble is, nobody else got it. They all thought I was complaining about them. I was complaining about the people in my physical world - selfish, inconsiderate, rude, etc. Things are better, and I personally hope you will stick around and give the boards a chance. I think you will find your experiences to be very rewarding in the future. I'm in your corner! Please don't give up just yet! ------------------ LittleTigger [This message has been edited by LittleTigger (edited April 21, 2004).]
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Postby flash » Tue Apr 20, 2004 9:51 pm

Thank you. Thank you very much. It's not the rules I object to, it was the nature of so much of the discussion. Like "we have to do something about those newbies cluttering up OUR board." Admittedly, I might be being overly sensitive. But, I shared my feelings because I think many people come to this forum wounded. Your kind words melted my hurt. Thank you.
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Postby mmarie » Tue Apr 20, 2004 10:28 pm

I understand exactly what flash is saying, I have also only been around for a couple of weeks. This was one of the first threads I started reading. Earlier in this thread it is mentioned that the newbies should help others for awhile before posting to ask for help. I understand the concept behind this and agree that it isn't the best behavior to ask for help and then just disappear after you get it. At the same time I think there are some people who are scared and confused themselves (the reason for seeking out the boards in the first place) and either don't know how or don't believe they can help anyone. It's hard to believe you can help someone else when you don't believe you can help yourself. It would be a shame for these people to leave feeling like they don't belong.
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Postby Jezicka » Wed Apr 21, 2004 4:14 am

Thanks so much, Tig, for jumping in here! Please, please flash and mmarie... just keep reading a while longer! If you stick around for a few weeks I think you'll easily see the kind of thing the 'old timers' are complaining about and see that it's not directed at you at all-- on the contrary! The idea is really to try and make sure everyone gets what they need here. I think when you do post, you'll find you're welcomed warmly here... What we want to avoid are - People posting once, receiving amazing advice-- sometimes for months after the intial post-- and disappearing without ever acknowledging a thing they've received. - People posting new threads many times a day in multiple forums, again, not acknowledging the responses they've already gotten. - Huge fights breaking out with name calling and people leaving forever, utterly crushed and discouraged... (yes, it has happened here... more than once! Image ) Yes, we were all newbies once. In fact, I registered in 2000. I found the board, registered, responded enthusiastically and, I thought, helpfully... And that person never showed up again on the boards! I was so discouraged that I didn't come back for almost 2 years! So don't be like me... stick around! I've seen some amazing transformations here... There's hardly a better way to get encouragement for your own dreams than watching these stories unfold!
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Postby KyleM » Wed Apr 21, 2004 4:55 pm

What about a "BEST OF" category for the Sher boards? I realize this is subjective, but wouldn't it be fun to nominate them by sorting through the archives! It does seem there are some pretty amazing threads that could get rounded up and placed in a new category. Don't know if this has been mentioned elsewhere, or even in this thread (I read it but some of it blurs in my memory). If so, sorry for the repeat!
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Postby PracticalMagic » Wed Apr 21, 2004 8:00 pm

One of the things about posting replies to others when you feel you need help to sort out your own questions, is that it is instantly amazing how much you discover you know about other topics. Things that people have worked with, or dealt with in their lives that may seem obvious or second nature, turn out to be new information to someone who has a specific post. Ideas lead to more ideas, suggestions further another's path, or just rekindles dying enthusiasm. The best part of a post is receiving fresh insight from new people with fresh perspective. (OK, the other best part is receiving support and help from people who very quickly feel like old friends, too.) Your thoughts are particularly welcome! ------------------ P.*M.
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Postby GiniDee » Tue Apr 27, 2004 2:12 am

As a relative newbie myself, I have to chime in to flash and mmarie... Hang in there! Get help when you need it. When you can't give specific help, a kind word or moral support is sometimes exactly what is needed. I know I appreciate a kind word or a cheer! I keep bumping this thread because I don't want people to be misunderstood like Tigger was... (had she not hung in there we would all have missed a living human treasure and never known it!) or hurt, like I and others have sometimes been, or crushed like others I have seen. Jezicka's explanation of some of the things that don't work here is a brilliant one. We all want everyone to get what they want. We're here to support everyone, old or new, in finding and living their dreams. The purpose of this thread was to bring up some ideas that might help everyone. But it's Barbara's board, and she's been very very busy. So until she gets back to us with HER suggestions, please hang in there and have patience. Everyone wants YOU to get what you want too! All the best - GiniDee Image
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Postby GiniDee » Wed Apr 28, 2004 12:16 am

Was I clear or fuzzy? Image ------------------ http://www.hermitcrab01@hotmail.com
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Postby PracticalMagic » Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:03 am

Only your slippers are fuzzy.
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Postby sandysundays » Wed Apr 28, 2004 4:18 pm

Gee, I feel like a real jerk. I've been coming to this board for about 1 year one. It's been on and off and it's been about 3 months since the last time I came. So, I have only helped 8 people since I've joined with my new user name, but I have helped SO many others in past. Ahhh. Please don't hate me! Susanna
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Postby sandysundays » Wed Apr 28, 2004 4:19 pm

Gee, I feel like a real jerk. I've been coming to this board for about 1 year one. It's been on and off and it's been about 3 months since the last time I came and I forgot my password and username. So, I have only helped 8 people since I've re-joined with my new user name, but I have helped SO many others in past. Ahhh. Please don't hate me! Susanna
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Postby GiniDee » Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:30 pm

Susanna - nobody hates you. Just saw your despairing post up on Wishes and obstacles, and look forward to hearing more about your own business from you. That's what these boards are for. You'll help where and when you can as time goes on, but meanwhile, let the rest of us help you! Gives us something fabulous to do in our 'spare time', of which some people have suggested I have copious amounts, myself Image Besides, how could we hate you if we don't even know you Image ? Not a chance. Good luck with your business Image ------------------ http://www.hermitcrab01@hotmail.com
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Postby Tituba » Fri Apr 30, 2004 6:45 am

To the newbies - please don't read this thread and get intimidated by the "rules." Except for Barbara's quote - the rest of the thread is just our 2 cents. Until Barbara gets to this thread and writes what she wants with her board, it is just our opinion. The reason I think Barbara wants newbies to contribute before they post their own issues is because alot of people feel a sense of urgency and desperation. When you hold off on those feelings and help others first, you can sometimes put your own issues in a better framework. Most of this thread is about the mechanics anyways (doing a search, deleting a thread, don't type in caps, put returns to break up thoughts, don't post same thing to multiple threads). This is just to help with the reading. I hope newbies don't read this thread and get timid about staying with us! There is so much talent and wisdom on this board and I would hate for anyone to be chased off thinking we are strict.
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Postby GiniDee » Mon May 03, 2004 1:23 am

Tituba is so right, as ever! Image
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