Humorous Dating Stories...Help me start the process!

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Humorous Dating Stories...Help me start the process!

Postby decterlove » Sat Dec 01, 2007 6:30 pm

Hi Fellow B Sherions, I actually don't need help writing...I've already written at least the germ of 41 short stories and about a dozen of them are ready for final editing. Most are between 1-4 pages long and some are ads that I have actually posted, some are real stories and some are partly or entirely fictional. Now, only a BarbaraSher person would understand the following. I am a TOTAL SCANNER type personality and am SCARED TO DEATH that I'm going to become discouraged, bored or obsessed with a new project before I get this to a publisher. And the writing is good! I've have many, many compliments on these, some from high places. But I know two things. One, I have a window of about 6-8 weeks to actually finish the writing part of it before I get swept off into other directions. And two, I need someone else to hand it off to and have them get it in print and marketed. I'm contemplating offering 40% of all the profits to someone willing to do this because I ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT I WILL NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE, PERSISTENCE AND FORTITUDE TO DO IT MYSELF. Some things you just know about yourself when you've circled around the Sun 55 times. Two questions to start off and I'll include a story below for you all. One...I want to start putting it into a "pretend book form" i e....a word document to make it all more real to me. How to I find out to format a simple book form document in Word....I'm working with 2003 I guess Window XP. Two, is my idea of offering 40% to someone else even remotely sound and logical? I absolutely know my limits when it comes to technical type stuff and dealing with rejection and frustration. It's like zero! I got half way thru a detective novel ten years ago. Some awesome chapters. Dead in the water. Unfinished. I know I can finish this book because this type of writing comes really easy to me and I don't need to figure out plot, and I don't need 250 pages of text. Here's a sample....this is actually "published" on thisisby dot us.....oh and one more question. Does anyone have a writer's forum that you are particularly fond of? I started looking online but realize I was way to intimidated so I ran back here with my tail between my legs! Help! Short Women with Big Wits I once dated a woman who had an extraordinary sense of wit. She was very petite, but pound per pound, I think she was at least 100 times wittier than Paula Poundstone. She was so funny, in fact, all the time, non-stop, almost 24 hours a day, that I began to suspect she actually burned calories making her various satiric comments. Her wit was not merely a highly acerbic activity, but a highly aerobic one too! (Think Robin Williams, in drag and on steroids, only prettier, and not as muscular or hairy, drinking Triple Expresso Lattes, and scarfing Penguin Caffeinated Chocolate Mints!) I mean when we woke up in the middle of the night to pee or something, she would start cracking so many jokes that it was very hard for both of us to get back to sleep. We'd get laughing so hard we would actually fall off the bed, and after regaining our composure and getting back on top of the mattress, we'd wind up falling off again! Bruise City, I'm tellin' ya! Dating her was like an Extreme sport! It became slightly troubling to me at times, though, and I should have known that there would ultimately be a terrible price to pay for all these free jokes we were enjoying. She couldn't stop joking! She was like a joke-aholic! She lived to joke rather than joked to live! She was no longer in control of her own humor! HER HUMOR CONTROLLED HER! Alarmingly, she actually started losing weight from the intensity with which she practiced and memorized each new joke she wrote! Pretty soon this very pretty little witty woman became a very witty itty bitty little bitty itty pretty witty woman! She shrank vertically as well, as so much of her life force was now wholly devoted to this all consuming passion and purpose in her life! It negatively impacted our sex life too, of course. Every time we would start making out, well you know, she would start making jokes! Finally one night after she had reached nearly LILLIPUTIAN proportions, I woke up in bed and I could hear her cracking jokes and laughing very loudly, especially for such a now ultra-super-petite-sized woman, who at this point was much smaller than your average-sized store bought Barbie doll. But I could no longer find her in the bed! Jumping up, I tossed all the sheets aside, searched inside the pillow cases, and in the duvet cover, and even under the mattress, and I still couldn't find her anywhere! I could hear her fading hysterical laughter though, and soft mutterings to herself. Something about a priest and a rabbi going into a bar! It was eerie! I never saw her again after that but I did hear some neighbors laughing loudly down the street one evening a few weeks later, and have always wondered if they were laughing at her, or with her, perhaps, or just at That Seventies Show. I still dearly miss all the fun times we had together, but I am SOOOOOOO DONE WITH FUNNY WOMEN!!!!!! Now I'm looking for a woman WHO'S NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER EVEN ONCE, GIGGLED IN HER WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Know any totally hot babes that can keep a straight face through an onslaught of BRAND NEW Polish jokes??[color=darkred][/color]
decterlove
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Postby Tituba » Sat Dec 01, 2007 6:49 pm

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Re: Humorous Dating Stories...Help me start the process!

Postby shparks » Sun Feb 10, 2008 4:10 pm

One thing that not a lot of people know is that you can sell a nonfiction book before you write it. There are many books you can get about writing nonfiction book proposals. "Damn! Why Didn't I Write That?" is a good example. I figure a great way for a Scanner to stay interested in finishing a book is if they have already been paid to write it.
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Re: Humorous Dating Stories...Help me start the process!

Postby decterlove » Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:25 pm

thanks shparks......I may need to focus on that part to get the shot in the arm I need to write 20 more stories. I already have about 20 good ones but I am bogging down a bit. My marketing efforts for my live snake programs are kicking in though so that's awesome.( http://www.handsonsnakes.com ) But I think a book is the only way I'm ever going to stabilize a little financially besides giving it all up, and moving to Thailand and teaching English like my roommate is considering. ($1000 a month, rent $80, cavity filled $15, emergency visit to stitches $20...plus a warm climate and lots of great food...you do the math! If only I wasn't so attached to my animals!) Anyways........thanks for the tips!
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