"It's terrible to have to say this. World population must be stabilized and to do that we must eliminate 350,000 people per day." -- Jacques Yves Cousteau
"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals." -- Ronnie Corbett
"All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive." -- Tallulah Bankhead
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." -- Johnny Carson
"You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, 'Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.'" -- Dylan Brody
"For honest insight into who you are, don't ask yourself what your priorities are for next week. Ask what your priorities were last week." -- Robert Reed