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Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 11:47 am
by Jason
Otto: Are you telling me you don't have a social security number?

Beldar Conehead: Correct.

Otto:
Why not?

Beldar Conehead: I am an illegal alien.

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:51 am
by Jason
Richard: All right, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no --

Tommy: No shit from anyone!

Richard: No.

Tommy: Um, we don't take no prisoners!

Richard: We don't take "no" for an answer.

Tommy: Oh yeah.

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Tue Sep 10, 2019 3:09 pm
by Jason
"I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?" -- Garry Shandling

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:23 pm
by Jason
"So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R." -- Tim Vine

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:46 am
by Jason
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you." -- Steven Wright

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2019 6:19 am
by Jason
"I woulda worn my tuxedo but my polo pony ate it!" -- Squiggy

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:51 am
by Jason
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius." -- Sid Caesar

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2019 5:11 am
by Jason
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -- Al Gore

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 7:46 am
by Jason
"There is no difference between communism and socialism, except in the means of achieving the same ultimate end: communism proposes to enslave men by force, socialism - by vote. It is merely the difference between murder and suicide." -- Ayn Rand

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 9:57 am
by Jason
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:53 am
by Jason
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2019 8:28 am
by Jason
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -- Groucho Marx

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2019 5:21 am
by Jason
"No one can figure out your worth but you." -- Pearl Bailey

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:36 am
by Jason
"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age." -- George Burns

Re: QUOTE FOR THE DAY

PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2019 1:13 pm
by Jason
"Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said." -- Mel Brooks