150 Steps in October

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An8el
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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by An8el »

In the UK, when people are absent from a meeting, the first order of business is hearing others reciting the apologies of those who are missing. You were rightly upset with the right person - problems are reflected in clumsy management of volunteers. So it's usually not the volunteers, but the carelessness of how to best waste the time of the volunteers as determined through the negligence of the management that makes it not so much fun for people who do show up. My first comment to that "what would you like to do?" would have been, "Do you usually waste the time of your volunteers like this, or am I getting special treatment?" As for me, bought my ticket to the mainland last night. $500.!!! Prices used to be half that this time of year. I'll be miffed if I get stuck on the mainland if/when election problems start happening. My logic in buying the ticket was for the date of leaving to be as close to election day as possible. So this way, if the elections are suspended, my flight will be canceled & I can stay home to avoid the drama. Can't imagine it would be in the interests of the economy to interrupt Christmas happening. Meanwhile, my news is that car insurance and all other imperatives are paid. Never thought that I'd be able to do that, but there you go! The wolf is now gone from the door. Did all that today, mostly by phone. Spent most of my day orchestrating tricky and creative logistics involving getting my van in CA smogged and the registration paid before Oct. 14th from Hawaii. Got the idea to take a pic of the key that I have, (keys had been lost in CA,) so my other friend who I'm sending to look for a duplicate in a huge pile of keys will be able to match it to the right one. The other part of this challenge will be getting my van back from my now homeless mechanic who I loaned it to. This is my new declaration: "I will not make friends with any more high-maintenance drama-queens, no matter how interesting they are." :lol: Now I'm in the mode of getting ready for my work trip. Fixed the land-line phones by switching around the cords they seem to prefer without making static. Decided to deal with the laptop that doesn't work too well so a computer can be left here for my house-mate's use. Cleaned up the house. Started a list of things that I'm going to want to remember to take to the mainland, and scurried around looking for stuff, making a spot to assemble it. Read my book that I have to take back to the library tomorrow - "Beyond Reason - Using Emotions As You Negotiate." Think this should be a course taught in high schools on negotiation. Lit a candle at www.gratefulness.org for my friend who is really depressed after losing lots of his retirement money in recent investment scams. The outside sounds of rain are comforting.

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Volunteer Days

Post by Lynx »

Hi All, An8el, thanks for having my back. It's my fellow volunteers that are flaking out. I've been doing this a few years and every team has it's own dynamic. Whatever goes down, it'll be over in December. Thanks for the tip on the Beyond Reason book. I am a student of mediation, and I feel everyone could benefit from practicing those skills. Currently in a group reading Kenneth Cloke's Conflict Revolution. Also An8el, great progress on 1. selling the car 2. regis other car issue 3. CA tix/expensive as it is. 4. Resolve about avoiding dramatic yet interesting drama-queens. Had plans for scooting around to a French bakery then downtown for a free music concert. Awoke @ 4 AM with a sore throat and minor sniffles, so I will tone down my plans and stay home and dry more. Still, I may sneak down to the concert if I feel up for it and hit the bakery another day. Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by Mannix »

Hello, everyone, Grr, resistance has reared its ugly head. But I'm considering it a setback, which seems to be part of the learning process. Last night, I asked it what was up, and got the message "I refuse to obey orders!" So maybe I'm going a little overboard with scheduling tasks on the calendar. (I.e., avoid blocking appointments back-to-back if possible.) Let's see what my progress has been the past couple of days ... Completed steps 12 and 13 mentioned above. Although I'll give myself a red mark next to #12. I scheduled the time and then totally ignored the appointment! 14. One step credit for discovery of fear/resistance patterns: Resistance appears as a feeling of exhaustion, usually after dinner. But when I give in to it, put everything away and say, "I'll do it all tomorrow. I'll just watch TV the rest of the evening," I'm suddenly wide awake! The other occurred to me while thinking about my ideal day. There isn't really anything I can't do now, and no reason why I would have to give up teaching or gigs in order to do it. It might require some adjustments in how I spend my days, however. (Eek! Changing a comfortable routine??!!) Then I thought, if I spend some time reading about my favorite subjects on a regular basis, maybe I'll come up with a project I'd love to do and really believe in! (Eeek!!!! Feelings of fear!) Lynx, I've been a volunteer for the horse farm I visit and also as a musician. In addition, I haven't worked a full-time office job in several years. My experience has been that people often assume that you have nothing else to do that day. So they don't understand why you're upset when you have to wait. I think you did the right thing. Jane, yes, I agree, a teacher is always happy to have a student who is truly interested in the subject matter. Spiegel, I don't think you'll have a problem finding someone willing to teach you. At the first lesson, be sure to talk with the teacher about what your goals are for your lessons. An8el, you think the presidential election might be suspended because of the economic situation? Scary! I hadn't heard anything about this in the news. Yikes! OK, next step for me is to get out of this funk and back on track. More later! -- Mannix

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by Beeej »

Ok Lets Go For It... 1. put newly painted metal cabinet in garage 2. pack cabinet with my idea items 3. write up my diary with events/bills/things to do 4. keep track of when the dehumidifier will arrive 5. pack library /office in preparation for dehumidifier 6. pack freshly washed blankets into blanket box 7. unpack boxes that have been in storage and when we moved into our home. Priority before the wet comes. 8. put all lawn sale items in car port area. Sale to be 18 Oct. I've got 4 days to do this. Have Friday and Monday off work. Here goes...... Beeej

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by jewelB »

Welcome, Beeej ! Mannix-- good awareness of resistance patterns. Somehow, I just seem to get clobbered! Lynx-- someone wasting my time is such a pet peeve ! ooooh, I just hate that !! An8el-- loved your response, "Do you usually waste volunteers' time, or am I special" !! speigel-- enjoy that piano! Slow going is good! :D Jane B -- are things settling down? What have you recently fed thru your ceiling/floor?? I'm in coffee shop, enjoying a beautiful day, waiting for #2 son to tour a grad school. I provided the transportation-- he's home on fall break. He looked so grown up, in his sports coat and dark khaki's-- a mom moment !! Steps: 31 1 hour yoga class 32. Began to straighten office 33. Read 34. posted to forum 35. emailed group 36. wrote for week 3 37 weighed in 4 pounds lighter (over 2 weeks)--about there! 38. 2nd yoga class-- I'm really enjoying it -- really !

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Hi Beej

Post by Lynx »

Hello Beej, it appears on my screen that you've been a member since 8/07 and this is only your second post. Well, welcome, and keep it rollin. Came across this today in a journal file: "A simple exercise to ask yourself, 'What are the seven thoughts that guide my being and frame what I call 'meaning' in my life?'" John O'Donohue in Sun 4/2007 p. 13. OK. A worthy questions. He then adds: Once you've identified them, leave them alone for a while. And then, at some later date, say, "What are some other ways in which I could think, but, through my constant attention these seven ways of thinking, I never do?" Soon you will be an adeventure at the heart of your being." My answer. Of course, seven is just a number, could be five, or nine, etc. 1. I have a creative contribution to make hosting healing conversations. 2. I have a misfit with the culture. I may not ever feel again like I have enough of what the culture exchanges for materials and services. 3. My accumulated losses from my 'tragic years' may be too severe to overcome in this lifetime. I don't want them carrying over into a future lifetime. 4. Without Elizabeth in my life, I have no single person who will take the time, have the heart, and ears, to truly "get" me, to understand me. 5. There will always be something, like improving my website, that is "next" for "success" that when I do it will not bring the anticipated results. 6. JX and I do well with general living, it's the deep support that gives us trouble. 7. There's some type of hex on my dad/family that stops us from easy, widespread recognition and success. 8. When life does feel 'easy' I'm uncertain how to handle it, flow with it in awareness. I doubt myself, doubt circumstances, wonder if I'm missing something. Taoistic difficulty at the beginning/beginner does not always serve me. Perhaps, thought thru, or intuited or felt, at the beginning might be more my style. 9. These constant details to stay solvent, working, with income, things like email, invoices, calls, etc. pick at me. I feel eaten by gnats. 10. My book is sorely needed, but deep down I fear the family hex will fall on it too, and I'll not find its publisher, market. etc. 11. This poverty will prevent me from going to DC to research Rickey/Robinson archives and I will be scooped. 12. Everything can turn around in a blink. ----- This makes for steps 51-62, work through this list and share it with you. 1. I have a creative contribution to make hosting healing conversations. This is my life mission: to host healing conversations. Another way to see it: maybe I can change the verbs, and my mission is to simply witness, join, or participate in healing conversations. I needn't be the hero. Yet another, more passive yet, is I need to be prepared for when any healing conversation finds me. Related to this: I've been watching a series of videos by John Gottman on marital therapy. In some of the vignettes I see things I do, oops. For income, I just applied to facilitate groups of parents learning John G's method. On track with this truth of my life. This is one truth that I distilled from my positive life experiences. It could be that this truth has dropped away for others to hold and carry forward. I'll need signs of this. L
Last edited by Lynx on Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by spiegel »

Urg, been very resistance-y most of this week. 8. ballet 9. piano 10. ballet 11. piano 12. ballet (this morning) Hopefully will get some drawing and piano practice in tonight, and wash out my dance clothes (funny how dancers always get photographed futzing with shoes or stretching, and never washing tights or inhaling food!), go food shopping tomorrow, and make myself a packed lunch for Monday. Just a bit sick of having money fly out the wallet every day at lunchtime!

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by Jane B »

Hello all, Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Spiegel, glad to see you enjoying the piano. jewelb, yes things are settling down. The holes in my ceiling have been plastered and the tile in my bathroom has been entirely redone. No sign of any bedbugs (Though I had a nightmare about them a couple nights ago. Felt like I was living in a b movie or something LOL). Lynx I haven't fully read your last post but I will when I get a minute. You seem to have a lot to process there. Adding a numbered step to my goal of wanting to socialize more and eventually meet someone. 5. Reviewed my flowchart on the subject and read the intro of this seemingly very corny and simplistic book on dating. Lately I've been thinking a lot about this particular goal. Lots of dilemmas and questions related to it. It seems like right now I have a hard time making room for this in my life. True, I find my life very exciting and satisfying right now, but I often experience feelings of loneliness (I've been single for a few years now). I know I can either wait around passively for the perfect guy to walk into my life or I can try to be proactive about it. The latter is of course more effective but it takes time. And right now things are moving really fast, I'm going through a time where my music and freelance business are really prospering and these things are taking up a lot of my energy. Sometimes I think maybe now is not the time to focus on meeting someone. But on the other hand, how do I deal with the feelings of loneliness then? I feel like there is a constant conflict between the immense freedom I have right now to focus on my personal dreams and goals and the feelings of loneliness. Perhaps I should just continue with the small steps and figure out a way to make all this seem less overwhelming. And then there's the voice saying "if you can't find time to try and work on the goal of meeting someone, imagine the difficulty you'll have finding time for an actual relationship once you enter one"... Ok getting kinda rambly here...thanks for any thoughts.

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three of twelve

Post by Lynx »

Greetings, Continuing with going down my list of thoughts that frame meaning in my life. I'll address three at once as they are related in my mind:
    2. I have a misfit with the culture. I may not ever feel again like I have enough of what the culture exchanges for materials and services. 3. My accumulated losses from my 'tragic years' may be too severe to overcome in this lifetime. I don't want them carrying over into a future lifetime. 4. Without Elizabeth in my life, I have no single person who will take the time, have the heart, and ears, to truly "get" me, to understand me.
Elizabeth was my co-counselor, someone who deeply listened to me and really provided exactly the type and style of support I crave. She had her own tragedy—her daughter tripped and broke her neck and later died in the intensive care. I'm not greedy, but I could use more material cashflow & wealth. I'm discovering that my personal style isn't quite what is celebrated in Seattle. Enough ... what other ways could I look at these that would generate more adventure? I'm reading the Luck Factor by Robert Wiseman. He has studied lucky and unlucky people. One of the things the lucky do is put bad events in the 'could have been worse' frame.
    After all I've been through I made it out physically intact (no illnesses or injuries), sadder, wiser, sober and sane. I'm resilient. Several of my other friends came through for me, I am beholden to their generosity. My natural community is with artists, not the bent backs and bureaucrats. Friends have commented on my personality change. I've begun to dissolve lifelong self-defeating patterns. That past is dead. Mourn it, bury it, and get back to the celebration of my life. (more or less Tibetan buddhist). Today may be my lucky day (something Wiseman claims lucky people say to themselves).
This feels about 25-33% believable to me right now. Which, of course, could be lower! Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by spiegel »

13. Restocked the fridge 14. Laundry 15. Piano practice 16. Made lunch for tomorrow

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Re: 150 Steps in October

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And then there's the voice saying "if you can't find time to try and work on the goal of meeting someone, imagine the difficulty you'll have finding time for an actual relationship once you enter one"...
Jane - Yeah, good thinking. You must make time to "give away" if you are going to get to know anyone - not just The One. Relationships take lots of time and sometimes they are trouble if you don't think ahead strategically about the effects of actions. If you get into a relationship to provide for a lack of something in yourself - that might be merely what you'll get. So - one solution is to get into a relationship with someone that could add to what you are already doing - and you can add to his - someone you can play with in a larger sense. Then if the two of your join forces, you'll have more than the sum of the parts. Think carefully about the characteristics that you might want to share with someone. What is that you want to do with The One? How do you think that a guy would be happy with just that little bit of you that you're able to spare now? They would probably need to be a creative person, so they could understand that in you. You'll want someone who isn't jealous and will understand touring work... etc. etc. Then - if you met The One tomorrow, how would you know it? If getting together was inconvenient, how far would you go to be with them? ...anyway, these are some points that occur to me, now that I've been single again. Lynx: I work on feeling lucky partly by making the time to answer my intuition and "senseless" urges. Sometimes, these urges lead me places I don't know the reason why I'm going. Often times, I find it's because someone needs my help, so that's why I keep doing these things. Often, I reflect that I found something there I would never have encountered if I didn't do those things. Then sometimes, I remain clueless, so I assume the timing wasn't just right at that moment, or perhaps I'm being led to avoid being where I usually am because something negative would have happened to me...I don't question the use of these things any more, because their usefulness has been proved so often to me over my life. Some other things that make me feel lucky: Gratefulness; Deja vu ; reflecting on my sometimes superb timing; coincidence; when I demonstrate intelligence or foresight, or other accidents of "fate," taking pleasure in the mundane that I might be there to witness, such as the teakettle's steam being beautiful, the freshness of food, my location, the view, the weather, seeing a wild animal, etc. I don't just feel like I'm about to have a lucky day, I have a lucky month! (Strangely enough, it's October, which has pretty much worked out that way.) Now my steps: Made a date to show the SUV tomorrow to someone who might buy it!!!!! Talked to the mechanic who gave me an estimate who said it would only take a day to fix it total. Two hours, and the ride to the cheap parts store. Returned library books without losing them. Tricky these days when I've been letting my neglected stuff fall into piles that hide things. Cleaned up two of those piles and made a dirty laundry bag after a week of tossing my dirty clothes into a pile by my bed. Restocked my fridge too - filled up the water jugs after I figured out the water in the area may be too acidic from the VOG in different areas of the island. Cooked myself a "real" meal - yum! Great to take care of myself as if I'm cooking for someone else. Just eat the leftovers for lunch, I'm realizing. Walked. Walked some more. Played the mbira. Learned "Gracias a la Vida" on the Mbira and worked on memorizing words. Listened to what my new friend wanted to tell me patiently even though it was cold outside. Edited and printed up copies of my A.T. brochure and gave it to the horse person who wants me to do a horsemanship workshop in January featuring Alexander Technique. Corresponded with people from the mainland where I'm going. Helped my apprentice who is starting when I get there. Got a phone call from someone who I did help with a tip for house-sitting who thanked me. Allowed myself to feel like someone who connects people together who need each other. OK, now I'm going to sleep so I can get up in time to meet this person who might wanna buy the SUV tomorrow. Wanna clean it up some more before he shows up.

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by Mannix »

Hi, everyone, I'm still locked in a death struggle with resistance. I think it's about to win this round, because I'm now coming down with a cold. :? Just got back from a wedding in the Georgetown area of D.C. The coordinator told us we could leave before the ceremony ended since we weren't doing the recessional. So we quietly packed up and left ... only to discover that we had been blocked in the parking lot by the cars of every other guest at the wedding! We went back to tell the coordinator and she said we'd just have to wait until the ceremony ended. So we got to sit around outside the church for 45 extra minutes. :evil: I was really annoyed that no one with the wedding thought this was a big deal. What would have happened if we'd had to get to another job? Grrr! This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to quit doing this. Anyway, with that rant out of the way, I would say this cold is probably a good sign because I've been insisting on working on things even when resistance has popped up. So I'll give myself a credit for that. So, steps since last Thursday: 15. Forced my resistance to bring out bigger weapons. 16. Took a walk through the neighborhood. 17. Attended step class at the gym on Thursday. 18. Did NOT eat any of the chocolate doughnuts my husband bought this morning. 19. Did not attend Saturday morning class, but went to the gym and did one of my personal trainer's routines. 20. Called Herndon Historical Society Vice President and accepted her invitation to visit and photograph her home. Meeting her Tuesday morning. 21. Negotiated with resistance by coming up with some small, specific "first steps" to complete by Thursday night. (So what happens, I get hit with a cold and have to "go to bed!") 22. Reporting on steps here. (This was one of the "first steps.") One remaining step for tonight: scan through old newspaper articles from my blog research and jot down specific ideas of what I want to photograph at this lady's home. I'm not sick enough to avoid doing that! I'll respond to others in another post. Hope everyone's doing well! -- Mannix

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For Everybody

Post by Mannix »

Beej, how are you doing with your "long weekend" project? Looks like you'll be celebrating the Columbus Day holiday with us Americans! Jewel, thanks for the appreciation on the resistance issue. It's taken me a long time to see the pattern, including a number of months on this board. Now that I see it, it's amazing how consistent it's been. What did your son think of the grad school? Lynx, so much to think about in your recent posts ... Concerning your book and the family hex, could self-publishing be the answer? Or posting excerpts on your blog? Perhaps by simply asking yourself to "be present" during healing conversations, you will be the hero in ways that could not occur to you otherwise. Spiegel, great job with working the piano and ballet despite the resistance. And packing your own lunch! :) Jane, I think both you and An8el had some great observations about relationships. I would only add that if you don't think about these issues now, they will crop up later on.

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Number Seven

Post by Lynx »

7. There's some type of hex on my dad/family that stops us from easy, widespread recognition and success. Thanks for the ideas Mannix, but my brother's and my own deep feeling about this is :: there's a film keeping our family branch from widespread recognition along with the associate financial rewards, status, fame, what have you for our work. I've already self published two things, a book based on my dissertation and a booklet for estate executors. Also sent out three book proposals to the main publishers in my field and either got ignored or turned down. If it were easy I would not have thought to list it it of the ideas that frames meaning for my life. It weighs down my motivation with a steady drone of "why bother, why even try?" But a new way to feel about it? This is going to be difficult as it's so deep and abiding across time. I've been in therapy around this thing. If this thing were totally lifted:
    my phone and email would be jammed pack with inquiries and proposals. I'd have too many to do them all. I'd be invited to delivery keynote addresses at large conferences. I'd have my version of the success Stephen Covey found with Seven Habits. Or the creators of the Chicken Soup series. Or even Harry Potter. Even my cast off ideas can be picked up and revitalized for success (Stephen King threw his first pages of Carrie in the trash and his wife found it and encouraged him to keep going). I'd train or certify people in my method and spawn whole industries of ripoffs and imitators. (John Grinder and Richard Bandler/NLP). A team of my best students and myself would be invited to engage difficult situations around the world (as Arnold Mendell and his World Process team are). Before a packed room, I'd sit in a large easy chair, recount the moment of my vision, and invite a few audience members up to talk with me directly in front of everyone and publicly "get it" (Bryon Katie). I'd make a DVD that would become an underground success (What the Bleep do we know? the Secret). Robert Redford would call to ask if I happen to have any scripts floating around (I do).
My feelings about the current chances of even one of these scenarios coming to pass for my current book: 1 in 500. Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel

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Re: 150 Steps in October

Post by jewelB »

steps: 39. finished up week 3 materials 40. started week 4 writing 41. healthy eating 42. 3rd yoga class 43. Enjoyed son’s visit 44. Held week 3 teleconference 45. posted week 3 items to the forum 46. planned evening meeting Mannix-- I think he did like it-- it was his first visit, so nothing to directly compare it to. Such fun to watch him make these decisions!! Lynx, An8el, others-- my sense of luck comes in "looking small." The 'small graces' in my life can overwhelm me with gratitude and I have to acknowledge who lucky I am. That's all a part of the Resiliency stuff I teach (when given the opportunity!) That "could be worse" attitude is a critical component of bouncing back! This current turmoil in the stockmarket, with the election, etc. makes me wonder whether it's time to offer an internet course on resiliency. Hmmm. . . yea for all of us!! --jewelB

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