150 Steps for July '09

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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby Mannix » Thu Jul 23, 2009 5:22 am

Hi, everybody, Thanks so much for your kind thoughts concerning my sick friend. Things do not look good for him. He was going to be moved from intensive care to a hospice room yesterday but now that doesn't seem likely to happen. Last night, his pain medication had to be increased and apparently he is now so heavily medicated he cannot offer coherent responses to questions. His infection continues unchecked. My husband and I spent several hours at the hospital yesterday and are going back tonight. I'm not sure what to do about my trip. Yesterday I thought it would be OK to go since it will only be for the weekend. As of now, I guess that's still my plan, but I hate to think that if I go, he won't be here when I get back and tonight may be the last time I see him. On the other hand, there really isn't anything I can do if I stay here. Very sad. Hope everybody's well, -- Mannix
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby Unity » Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:09 am

Hi Mannix, Sorry to hear the updated news about your friend. Re your trip. You are taking your Dad aren't you? How would he manage without you?
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby Mannix » Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:33 pm

Hello, friends, Update: friend died this afternoon. -- Mannix
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby JeannetteLS » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:13 pm

I am so sorry, Mannix. I know you are concerned for your husband in this... There aren't words, huh. You know we are all thinking of you. I am so very sorry.
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby Unity » Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:21 pm

Mannix, sending you <<<<<<hugs>>>>>
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Mannix's sad news

Postby Lynx » Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:24 pm

Hi Mannix, Just caught up here and see your friend died. Sorry to hear the news, much love to you and his network of family and friends. Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby sallypz » Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:11 am

Mannix--sorry to hear about your friend. Sending you & his family & friends loads of love and comfort. sallypz
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby paralegalgirl » Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:17 am

Hi Mannix: Sending you my condolesences. PLG
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby Unity » Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:04 pm

Mannix, how are you doing today? I was thinking of you today. I wonder if you've made any decisions re the weekend. I've realised that I haven't really been focusing on anything on this forum in July. Been having a reflective time recently. Good to see you are still around Lynx. How are things?
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a Ramble...

Postby JeannetteLS » Fri Jul 24, 2009 6:03 pm

Good to see you Lynx. Been wondering how Mannix is managing today, too. Unity, I've not felt focused exactly either.. though productive. I have written several entries in my blog this month and in a few tones, so that's been great for my feelings as a writer. And I worked FOUR hours this week just on my short story for the Good Housekeeping contest. Why is it just so darned hard to give myself permission to write the stuff that I do for the love of writing? There is ALWAYS spillover--a benefit for my paid work when I do. My voice gets fresher, and the storyteller in me comes out in the work I do for Stanford. We compartmentalize, as if writing in one form has nothing to do with another? BUNK. Plus I did a bit of painting again. I was losing momentum because I haven't taught in a few weeks, and, wehn I went away for vacation it was just too damp to paint, frankly. And there was no room INSIDE to set up and leave things up for the five days. So I sort of began to lose steam, but yesterday something inside said ENOUGH. And today, even though I had a migraine, I painted. Not long. Just a bit. I cannot say that I am focused. What I can say is that I am alive. Maybe that sounds silly--but with so much sorrow swirling around this month, that's huge for me. It's as if I am shoring up for the anniversaries that are in August--two deaths, my dad's terminal diagnosis (story involved there), three near death struggles for me, my husband's sudden desertion. August has been a difficult, difficult month for a very long time. But this year I am approaching it differently. Normally I sort of block everything out and get "busy." I go away. I do anything to avoid thinking about it. This year I am indulging in my art. I am sitting in my garden. I am writing about all of it. I am being with friends and focusing a lot of time in this forum--a HEALTHY thing to do. It does feel as if it is all looming larger than life. It simply is. Funny. Some years I have gone into the month not giving anything a thought, then suddenly would have flashbacks and body memories. INTENSE body memories. My counselor said that some people are like that... that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me if my whole life I struggle with August. Isn't it funny that a simple thing like being given "permission" to feel lousy because of the past can make it easier? We come into this forum with open hearts and minds and give to one another. But what is unique--at least it sure seems so--is that Merk, Tituba, and Barbara protect us from the rotten stuff that happens elsewhere. We do not slide into dime store psychology--they see to that, too. I think every thread is really about success stories, don't you? Every time we visit a suggested link, try a suggested action, read a book we found in here, TRY to help another person in his or HER unique journey without letting too much of our own ego take over--EVERY action there is a step. This month has been very important for me somehow, and I am not wholly sure why.
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How's Lynx

Postby Lynx » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:48 pm

Thanks for the couple of queries about how I am. Well, deeply relaxed for the first time in 8 months, perhaps a year! This has been one of those stealth goals that after the fact I realize I'd been contriving to achieve for a while. What's helped: this forum, though I'm too busy going and returning to be much support to all of you at the moment. Landing a job (in any economy if you ask me it's a good thing if that is what I need) that's been a blast. Taking a week long vacation in Hawaii. Spoke to An8el a couple of times to get the low down and share adventures. She's on a different island than the one I visited (Oahu). Setting a boundary at work. I'm to attend a training next week for 5 days as a participate. It's being offered by my office and many of my colleagues are helping to run it, but I'm a newbie in lots of ways (I help provide technical assistance on teen pregnancy prevention. My strengths are adult learning and training, research, project management, my weaknesses at the moment are current statistics, being up to date on all the contraceptive methods, and I could use a refresher course in anatomy, etc.). They asked me to run a teach back on abstinence. I've never had to include that in any thing I've done. I am un prepared to talk to the political history of this policy directive (I'm no Republican), nor what people have done to change or work around it, etc. Anyone who'd taught it even once would have more experience that I did. They backed down and I bought myself a quiet week to reflect and catch up. Getting to my physical-spiritual healer. Who is absolutely amazing. Keeping my evenings uncluttered with appointments. Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby sallypz » Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:00 pm

Lynx--the things you need refreshers on can be found on line..'current contraceptive methods'; 'current statistics on teen pregnancy'; 'male/female reproductive anatomy'; etc...probably even ideas on abstinence, the "just Say No' theory...but as I remember teenagerness...teen are so aflame with hormones that 'just say no' becomes difficult. Sorry to make a joke but the sentence "I provide technical assistance on teen pregnancy prevention." struck me as funny (it's late & I'm a bit slap happy) ..if teens had "technical assistance" before the pregnancy, conception would be reduced almost to nil. Seriously, it sounds like you're very busy. Good luck with the new job. JeannetteLS---perhaps some kind of yearly August Ritual would help. U ave some times of the year where the anniversaries sad things that happened at that time can be overwhelming. Sometimes a ritual/celebration helps. For instance make Aug. 1st, Awful August Day...make yourself a candlelit dinner for 1, with an after dinner glass of wine..write down all the bad anniversaries that come in August on a piece of paper..then burn the paper & toast them with your glass of wine. Something like that may create a sense of release in you & might give you some relief. whatever ritual you choose the helpful part is the writing down the anniversaries and burning the paper...or some people find crumbling the paper up into a boll and throwing it into the trash helps too. sallypz (MoxieMe)
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby JeannetteLS » Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:22 am

Thanks, Sally. I've done rituals for August and such. And it's cool you mentioned the ritual where you write stuff, then burn it. I happen to find that particular ritual has REALLY helped me get rid of a lot of the anger/rage/blame and even guilt. And your suggestion of having the special dinner Followed by the burning ritual is VERY close to what I do for the other really difficult month, February. For whatever reason, however, nothing has particularly helped with that overall malaise of August -- BUT, something feels different this year. And I find that going into that month feels different -- the events and anniversaries loom large, but they are not as scary. Whatever--sometimes it's best if I DON'T over-analyze. Thank you so much for reminding me, though, of the power of ritual. For one particular issue, I think that will work really well! (Nothing I wanna write about here, though. Too personal for a public forum) Lynx, hearing that your life is going well IS one of the powerful things about the forum. When someone succeeds and is moving in the direction of his or her passion, gets a JOB in this economy, sounds as centered as you sound? THAT is support, too. What's a "teach back?" I never heard the term and am curious. Eventually, as you get whatever refreshers that make YOU feel comfortable in the catch up department, a non-neoconservative view on abstinence and teaching it may be a good thing. We all feel that abstinence would be the wisest course for teenagers, but the knee-jerk just say no approach doesn't work. And maybe someone who does NOT have a particular mindset or political framework in discussing and encouraging abstinence will be and ASSET for you. Anyway, it is just really good to hear from you.
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thanks

Postby Lynx » Sun Jul 26, 2009 9:36 am

Thanks for the comments on my update. Yup, all the info is on the web, even in my office. I've written a guide on contraceptives, even. It's just not in my 'DNA' and readily flowing off the tip of my tongue. A teach back is a training of trainers tool. After the master trainers demonstrate and teach something, the student trainers 'teach it back' to the whole group or a smaller sub group. The other participants and lead trainers look on and offer supportive feedback. It's practice time, really. About the 'teaching' abstinence policy. Underneath its less about the teens but a hurdle thrown up for adults with different goals. The ferocity of the abstinence policy reaction shows the power of the gains over the last several decades to mitigate the puritan anti-pleasure anti-body mindset. A long way from Margaret Sanger getting arrested for distributing contraceptives to today when condoms are available for free in lots of places, and for a modest investment in bathrooms in bars. My own state has guidelines for schools to teach complete sexuality education, etc. Along the way there have been heated meetings, arrests, protests, petitions, etc. It would be great if we were in Europe with their more open attitudes, etc. But we ain't. I think anyone with any passionate feelings one way or another about this probably got killed in one of their religious wars a few centuries ago. The survivors are more into the live and let live philosophy. One must always deal with conditions, and this is where we are and from where our next advance must push off from. I'm out of place for a week, so see you all in the August thread. L
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: 150 Steps for July '09

Postby paralegalgirl » Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:31 am

Jeanette: You're ramble was very beautiful. I'm glad this forum is giving you some of the emotional support you need. PLG
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