150 Steps for December '09

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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby paralegalgirl » Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:37 pm

Hi Mannix: I'd like to request you put up this thread although I know how busy you are. PLG
Last edited by paralegalgirl on Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Unity » Wed Dec 30, 2009 5:18 pm

Hi all Thanks for the replies on my Dad situation. It's a long story how things have got out of hand like this. I was trying to talk it over with mom today but that nearly got out of hand, however I did clear up a lot of things for her she was unaware of (I would have thought obvious but nevermind). However, there are still many things that she and Dad just don't 'get' about their behaviour and I don't think they ever will. I think that all of this wouldn't have been so bad if only ex would have ever spoken up. He used to be furious with my parents and had a go at me about it. Never them. He was too scared to say anything. The irony of all this is that I always wished that ex was more like my Dad :D Sally glad all has been going well for you this week, and what kind of a man would you want if you dated again? Mannix I'm wondering how your in-laws are going to get home? Or are you going to have a prolonged visit I wonder? Yes, please keep this thread going. It's different than the challenges, more about immediate sitations and how we deal with them. This momth I was going to sort my address book properly but have to admit I haven't done it as I'm waiting until I've got my decorations down as I still feel very Christmassy. So it's on my list for next year! That sounds a long time away doesn't it? :D
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Mannix » Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:09 pm

Hello, again, PLG and Unity, thanks for the input on continuing the thread. We now have a quorum and shall go on. It only takes a minute to set up the new post, so that's no problem. Unity, thanks for pointing out the differences between this and the monthly challenges threads. I did manage to get some things done today - paid many of the bills, cleaned off my work desk, and even exercised! I also went back and reviewed the blog about my grandfather. I want to get that back on track and hopefully get some readers. I don't expect that will happen until things get closer to normal, though. Unity, I don't know how the older in-laws are going to get home. They were too tired to leave their house today. I fear we may have either have them living over here for a prolonged stay, or we may have to take them home to Tennessee, or both. They drive a 22-year-old Cadillac and I would hate to steer that thing through the mountains back to Tennessee. I guess we'll have to see what happens. I have a feeling my Christmas stuff is going to be up until Valentine's Day this year. (Again.) I am so out-of-sorts from all this visiting I may not be fully functional until Spring. Shall we just leave everything up until next Christmas? :) PLG, I was thinking about your sister-in-law's barking dog interfering with your vacation.... while my inlaws were giving a lecture on sexual responsibility to their son in my living room! :shock: I guess there are just people who would rather be surrounded by others than have solitude and space. None of the people here seem to get the idea of personal space. If you talk about the need for solitude to them, you may as well be speaking Martian. Again, I'm sorry about your nephew. There's probably no comforting explanation for what happened to him. OK, off to start the new thread. Have a good evening, all, -- Mannix
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Continue Question

Postby Lynx » Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:10 am

Mannix: I did want to ask if everyone would like to continue "150 Steps" into the new year. ... Yes. Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Unity » Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:13 am

Mannix, I was thinking about you and your quest about your grandfather because a situation just like yours came up for my cousins over Christmas and it's now involved me because I know the answer to their questions, yet don't think I can tell them. Ever since I was young, my parents told me a lot about what happened to them and their families in the war. It was very harrowing stuff. So it was presumed that everyone in the family knows about it all. They don't apparently. Just before Christmas one of my cousins was visiting my parents and was very secretive at one point and got me aside to ask if I knew anything about her grandfather. Because it came out of the blue and my mind was on Christmas etc, my mind went blank and couldn't think. She then told me her sister was doing a family tree and their mother refused to talk about the grandfather and there was some huge mystery. I received an email yesterday asking me for information and I replied that I wouldn't say anything unless I found out what they actually do know. One of my relatives had a book published about the family but it seems that a number of factors were missed, and so the cousins believe it to be a big secret or mystery. There is no mystery as such, but very distressing events. You know that expression Mannix 'be careful what you wish for' well, I quoted that to my cousin because although I have always known, I really wish that I had never been told because I've had sleepless nights worrying about it. Because once you find something out, you can never erase it and you don't know how it can affect you. I don't think it will put you off your quest somehow, but I thought you ought to be warned. I know that my cousins will be on at me to tell them. But unless I find out exactly how much they know, I probably won't say anything because I don't want the burden of being responsible for their mental health when they find out. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, it's just that when you've always known something and believed everyone else knows as well, it suddenly becomes a big deal when you realise they've been oblivious for all their lives and you don't know if they will ever be the same once they find out.
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby sallypz » Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:53 am

Unity--put the 'cousins finding out off onto their parents'--tell the parents they are asking questions about the grandfather and you're feeling pressured to tell them---but would prefer if the parents told them instead of you----it may keep you out of the middle of some nasty family feelings--- Yes, I vote to keep this going into the new year. I've found it helpful, supportive and fun. The end of the year brings good and bad thoughts. On the good side I finally was able to contact my 'contact person' at the Long Term Care facility where I will be doing clinicals and have an appointment to see her for an 'orientation' today...Hooray!! Things are moving along. I've also got my Semester notebook and grading tracking sheets almost completed. On the bad side woke up this morning early, as usual, thinking/upset about how much has changed in the past year. It has not been my happiest of years, certainly not the most successful, in fact just the opposite...I've gone from nice financial security to...a big mess...poof...everything all gone...and I had worked so hard to attain that amount of financial security....I don't know how to 'fix' this financial mess..it looks like it will take me years of struggle just to keep afloat..and my daughter and her family are depending on me to help them too....& I feel obligated to do that, she has no other family except me, and same with me, I have no other family except her. I hate the moments when I wake up and feel like this. I have a plan for the future, yes, but it is slow moving and takes time to accomplish. Oh, well, sorry to dump on you. Must get ready for my meeting. sallypz(MoxieMe)
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Mannix » Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:53 am

Hello, everyone, We will definitely have 150 Steps for January. I was going to post it last night and forgot. I'll do it today. Unity, not knowing the specific things you're uncomfortable discussing with your cousins, I agree with Sally that you should let the parents know. The one parallel I see with my situation is that neither I nor your cousins knew the people we are researching. So that may make the information less traumatic for them. Maybe they will find some peace in knowing what happened, whatever it is. From what I've heard about my grandfather so far, he may have been the local ne'er-do-well and maybe not the world's greatest dad. But I still want to know about him and I don't feel what he did with his life really reflects on me. Maybe your cousins will feel the same way about the information they're seeking. Sally, I'm sorry you're bummed about your financial situation. It seems very frustrating. On the other hand, I think a lot of people in your shoes would have just thrown up their hands and taken up drinking. It does seem like your older daughter is old enough to start relying on herself, though. You already have a special-needs daughter and the prospect of never retiring. If she's standing in the way of your ever retiring, then that's not fair. I think plans never progress as quickly as we'd like them to. Don't get discouraged. Hope everyone enjoys the day. I can't believe it's not only the end of the year but the decade! -- Mannix
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Unity » Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:49 am

Hi all Just had another email from the cousin. I'm wondering if she's not mixed something up. Because if she is right with her research, there are two mystery deaths within the immediate family? I knew about one of them. But her grandad too? I also informed her that the upsetting situation I know about is nothing to do with the deaths, but didn't go into details. Anyway thanks for the comments on this, and good luck with your search Mannix. Actually I might even have family history as my steps next year (hours to go. Decades even LOL Mannix, I read your comment) I've got one of those books that you fill in all the details and it's a massive job. Sally, like you, I never really expected to be in the situation I am now, so we can cheer each other on. I can't believe how many times this week I've got the days mixed up. On Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday as well as believing it was New Years Eve!! Probably doesn't help that I haven't left the house all week. :D
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby sallypz » Thu Dec 31, 2009 3:42 pm

No, Unity, I've left the house more than once this week and I still don't know which day of the week it is. I'll just have to hang up the new calendar!! I was planning on using it to teach my little daughter days of the week/time sense (this is about the 4th time we will be doing day's of the week---that's part of FAS--the info doesn't stick--and she has to re learn things over and over and over. This morning went well...the clinical site (and college) are such a long drive away--thank goodness it's only two days a week--and the good pay more than makes up for the drive. I'm looking forward to teaching it always feels so good to see people as hopeful as students are. No, I never expected to be in the situation I'm in now. I can't take up drinking---I get sick and migraines after only about one drink---sometimes less ( a thimble full size piece of rum cake knocked me on my tush with a severe migraine for 3 days one time)---one beer a few time a year is about all I'm good at---sorry, I'd be a failure as an alcoholic! We've had some people in the family that did some bad things too...I'm assuming the situation with your cousins grandfather was he did something bad.....when I look for material to write a short story about they make the most interesting characters..why did they do what they did...what drove them to it...they are much more than mundane. I would let the parents talk it over with them first...but whatever happened it's history..and all in the past, no matter how bad it is. Don't know what to do with my older daughter...I do feel I have to help them out as much as possible...but I can't tell them what to do...her and her husband are too old for that,...they'll just have to find that out for themselves...but I can put a time limit (at least in my mind) on how long we will all be living in the same house...I'm figuring on about 5 years..or until I'm done with Graduate school. I wouldn't mind living nearby, even next door, but not in the same house forever. She is working on 'bettering' herself...going back to school...even got a scholarship to cover almost all the expenses...good for her. Emotional support for her I got plenty of...but finances??...no... Hope everyone has a good New Years eve, and New Years Day....see you next year. sallypz(MoxieMe)
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Re: 150 Steps for December '09

Postby Unity » Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:08 pm

Hi Sally Did you read 'cheering us up' as drinking I wonder? I didn't mean that. That stuff re the family wasn't anything 'bad' in the way I think you mean. I meant distressing and harrowing. Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't know what day it is :D I've missed my fave tv program today - twice! Once the first time round, then the later repeat, again because of mixing the days up LOL And well done on all the work you are doing towards your finances - not just for you but your older daughter and her family too. She's very lucky to have you and I think it is a good idea to set a boundary so she can start a 5 year plan for herself. Let's hope that it won't include another baby at that time! (well not unless she has the finances herself for it)
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