Designing again: after a 25 year break!

[Elaine Glimme]

Also, there's resistance. This is all Barbara Sher wisdom - about four hours of it condensed. Over the ages, resistance has kept people alive by keeping them from doing stupid things like jumping over cliffs. But resistance can't tell the difference between real danger and just trying something new and exciting. And resistance feels exactly the way you described - scared and not sure why.

The way to over come resistance is by taking small not-very-scary-steps. Resistance goes to sleep.

Also having a support group (like us) helps.

This is me - not Barbara. I like to actually listen to resistance, use my brain to figure out if there really is a threat. Often there is no real threat, or the threat is that I'll find out I'm not as smart as I think I am. I can deal with that. If the threat is real, I consider if there is a safe way to get around it, like taking a smaller step.

Example of a real threat - a friend of a friend of mine wrote a book and got a publisher to produce it. She had to buy 500 copies upfront and sell them for him. After that, she'd get a royalty from anything else that was sold. I consider that an unacceptable risk. She doesn't have much money, and she has no car, so is limited in what she can do to sell her book. Take it from me - it's not easy for an unknown author to sell books. That's what I consider a real threat, and I hope the publisher dies painfully. Of course there's always the possibility that she's doing fantastic.

I hope some of this is helpful.

[inspiresuccess]

I have some ideas.

In Barbara Sher's version of stages of excitement, Stage one is intoxicating euphoria - you can do anything.

Then there's stage 2 - you crash. Everything's bad. Barbara Sher would say to eat ice cream. This stage will pass.

Stage three is not the high of stage 1 nor the low stage three. You're just a person doing her thing. And that's where most of the work gets done.

Everything is so easy when it's all in your daydreams. Actually doing the work is hard. And that's what you're doing. You're doing the hard stuff. Putting the ideas down, and dealing with "I don't know." Congratulations on having the nerve to step out of the daydreams and actually do the work. So many of us don't.

Elaine, THANK YOU! for taking the time to think this through with me. I cut your quote down to the things that stood out most. I've definitely been in Stage One -- flying high, everything going great, total excitement, "intoxicating euphoria". I was so happy! Everything was falling into place.

Stage Two. Yuck! That's where I'm at. I thought it was so funny when you said Barbara would say go eat ice cream! I'm usually very careful not to buy a lot of sweets at one time because I just eat them all at once. I was feeling miserable all day yesterday. I went grocery shopping in the evening, bought a pound cake and three candy bars and ate them late at night! I felt very rebellious about it, saying to myself, "I don't care. I'm going to eat it anywhere. So, there!" I guess it's going to take me awhile to work my way through Stage Two. I woke up this morning feeling really miserable, too. I think I'm going to take a break from the design project, focus on laundry and cleaning the apartment -- mundane things.

Thank you for reminding me that what I'm doing is no small thing. I've taken one of my dreams out of the closet, dusted it off, given it a try again. I've done a huge amount of work on it over a period of a couple of months. I need to give myself credit for that and remember that it's okay to take a break. I guess I feel like if I take a break, I won't ever get back to it again. I don't trust myself. I still don't trust myself. I didn't do designing for over 20 years! If I take a break, maybe I won't get back to it for another 20 years. I'll be 81 years old then!

I'm scared. That's what it all boils down to. I'm really scared.

Thanks for telling me it's okay to rant. I guess that's really where I'm at. I just see all the negatives right now. I know Barbara says to focus on the baby steps, one step at a time. All I see is this huge thing -- not only a book, but learning about the internet in order to promote it. It seems overwhelming, boring, endless, depressing, definitely not fun at all.

I keep focusing on my age. I'm going to be 63 by the time the book is finished. Even if a publisher picks it up right away, I know from getting published in the past, it usually takes a year before the book comes out. I'd be 64. And the chances I'll find a publisher right away are slim to none. I'd be 65. Then I'd have to learn how to do self-publishing. I'd be 66, 67, 68 Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. I'm imagining the book being published posthumously. That would be no fun for me at all. I'd be dead and it would be too late to enjoy it.

Thanks for giving me permission to rant. Obviously, I'm in rant mode. I'm going to go do laundry. I hate laundry. It's dull and monotonous. Because I live in an apartment now, I have to go to a laundromat. I hate laundromats. But the laundry has piled up because I was doing designing and nothing else. I'd rather be bored in a laundromat than sit at home designing. I hate designing. I love my book title and my chapter titles. I hate all the actual designs. Ugly, uninspired, dull, boring, not creative. No one who has a baby would want any of these baby blanket designs. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Thank you again, Elaine. I was feeling so down yesterday I was thinking I'm not going to post on the Sher Boards anymore. I'm not even going to go there anymore.

Signing off as Non-Inspirational Inspire

P.S. I vaguely remember Barbara Sher saying a good rant is a good thing. I guess I should pat myself on the back for the one above. I might suck as a designer, but I guess I can write a pretty good rant...

As Lyndon would say "To be continued...."

[inspiresuccess]

... I hope the publisher dies painfully.

LOL! I hope so, too! Sounds like a bad deal to me.

I think we must have been writing at the same time because right when I posted my rant, I saw your second post!

Thanks for bringing up the idea of resistance. And thanks for sharing your own process with resistance.

That got me thinking about something my very first therapist told me when I was 23. I was beating myself up a lot about procrastinating. She told me I should value and respect and trust my intuition. She said I have really good intuition and if I'm putting something off, it's for a good reason. Just because I don't know why I'm waiting, doesn't mean there isn't a good reason for it. I just don't know what the reason is yet.

I've always had trouble doing that because our society doesn't value intuition much. People tend to want reasons up front. I generally find out why I did something AFTER I did it. It's afterwards that I can explain to people why I did such and such.

I'm going to try to assume there is probably (hopefully) a good reason why I need a break.

Thanks for sharing the Barbara Sher ideas about threats and fears. I knew she'd talked about this stuff in one of her books, but I was in such a panic I couldn't remember a thing. As far as real or imagined threats, this one is probably not real. There certainly isn't anything dangerous about it (like your friend having to sell $500 worth of books). I'm not dependent on selling this book to make a living. I'm not even dependent on it for a part-time job. So, I'm okay financially. As far as dying goes, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. No point in worrying about that.

As far as not designing for 20 years... I did go off and finish a Masters Degree in Psychology during those 20 years. It's not like I sat on my butt and did nothing. In fact, the Sher Boards helped me finish writing my thesis for the degree. Of course, I've been beating myself up for not using the degree for anything for the past 6 years! Argh!!!!

I'm going to the laundromat!

[Elaine Glimme]

Just a couple more thoughts.

My friend didn't have to buy $500 worth of books; she had to buy 500 BOOKS!!!!! Somewhere between $5,000 and $10,000, I'm guessing. Maybe more. She's retired, living alone, on a school teacher's pension. She doesn't drive. She's a friend of a friend, and I'm not sure how she's doing.

If you were excited about your project for a couple of months, I have to think that it's worth doing. Stage one usually lasts about a week for me. That said, if you decided you don't want to finish it, that's fine too. We'll support you no matter what.
As you said, you pulled a dream out of the closet. You took a risk. You didn't just dream; you did the work. That's huge.

I'm 70. I loved my job, but it was time to leave. I found going from working to retirement a hard transition. I'd always been a math and science kind of person. Now I find I'm interested in writing and making beautiful things. Some people just love being retired and go for it like a puppy with a chew toy. For me it's still hard sometimes. I get bored. I think I"d be happier if I got out and did more, although sometimes, there's just nothing like an afternoon of TV. And I'm still re-inventing myself and that's hard.

Also, the whole get an agent and publisher / self-publish and do your own P.R. is hard. If you want help, maybe we can compare notes, but I certainly don't have the whole thing figured out.

Good wishes to you, with whatever you decide.

[inspiresuccess]

Just a couple more thoughts.

My friend didn't have to buy $500 worth of books; she had to buy 500 BOOKS!!!!! Somewhere between $5,000 and $10,000, I'm guessing. Maybe more. She's retired, living alone, on a school teacher's pension. She doesn't drive. She's a friend of a friend, and I'm not sure how she's doing..

That's devastating. How sad. In the past, this was referred to as "Vanity Publishing". It means exactly what happened here. The publisher is paid for the books and the person who pays is stuck with them. I'm wondering if this publisher is legit. They used to target seniors who wanted to publish their memoirs. The reality is that unless the memoir is by a famous person or it has a universal appeal and very, very unique story, no one except the person's family wants to purchase it. What a devastating loss of her life savings. Unless she has a really extensive and supportive family, it's unlikely these will sell. What type of book is it? A novel? If it is, novels are the most difficult book to sell these days. Self-help non-fiction is one of the biggest fields.

I do have experience with publishing and working with a variety of editors. It was a long time ago, but I learned a lot about the publishing industry and how to work well with an editor.

Thanks for sharing about your own retirement. I'll write about that later.

Inspire

[inspiresuccess]

Elaine,

My idea for my life now is to have a part-time job -- designing -- and do art and music for fun. I guess I freaked on how much work this book would be, because it sounds like it would turn into a full-time job and art/music would be left by the wayside. I have to remember that I can work as much or as little as I want. It's hard for me to remember that. I was always under so much pressure to meet deadlines and make enough to pay the bills. It's really hard for me to realize that's not what I'm doing now.

I didn't go to the laundromat! I'm actually designing again. I have to decide whether I'm really up to doing the next step right now -- doing some of the hard stuff. I have to remember again -- I can do as much or as little as I want. That's going to be really hard to remember. Maybe I should post it on my wall.

Maybe some of the hard stuff might turn out to be fun! There's an idea! I think I'm ready to try. I'm really bored (already) with panicking and worrying about the future. So boring... Even the hard design stuff has to be more interesting than pacing around and panicking! I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Inspire

[inspiresuccess]

Hey guys,

Please kick me in the butt and get me going. I have a design project I promised to do for someone. It shouldn't have taken more than a few days, a week at the most. I've procrastinated and now it's getting embarrassing. I don't mind if I procrastinate on my own stuff, but when someone is counting on me, it really sucks.

I just checked my emails and it was on July 1st that she gave me the final go-ahead to do this. 36 days ago and I haven't even started.

PLEASE..........BUTT KICK ME SO I GET THIS DONE! This person offered me way more money than I would have asked for and she's still waiting.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A FLAKE!

I don't feel like signing my usual "Inspire" because I can't even seem to inspire myself to do a simple project for a total stranger who was so impressed with my designs from the past that she asked me to make one for her. No one has ever asked me to do this. What am I waiting for? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..................................................

Uninspired and feeling stupid.

[Elaine Glimme]

Hey, Inspire,

You just started designing after 25 years. Of course your resistance is up there. But a deadline is one of the best resistance breakers.
Congratulations on jumping into the pool instead of just watching from the edge.


Is it possible that you put the project aside when you hit a bump in the road? That's usually what happens to me. And sometimes the ideas have to percolate in the back of my mind for a while before I figure out how to get over that bump. Doing an easy part of the project could be a way of getting yourself back in action. Also remembering some of the other successes you've had in your life. "If I could do __________________ I can certainly do this." I know some of the hurdles you've overcome in the last few years. If you could get past those difficult times, you can do this. Also talking to someone about the design itself might be helpful.

I'm also having a rough patch. I'm going to think, 'If Inspire can get her design done, I can get Molly's video shot. And I can write the parts that I'm having trouble with.' Go do the best you can - that's all you can ask of yourself. We can compare notes in a couple of days. (I won't be able to work on Molly's video until Thursday.) I'll be cheering for you. And thanks for all the cheering you've done for me.

I hope you have fun and the stress goes away.

[Lyndon]

Hey Inspire, hope you ditch the "un" and do your screen name proud soon. Go you!

People are standing by (well, sitting down), waiting for the next installment.

Lyndon

[Elaine Glimme]

Still cheering you on.

[inspiresuccess]

Thanks, Lyndon. I'll try to "un" myself!

[inspiresuccess]

Elaine,

Thank you so much for your quick response and thoughtful suggestions.

Here's my response to the "If I could do this.........."

If I could survive this past year, I certainly can make a hat and scarf!

As far as the Molly video goes... You've been through so many deaths in your family this past year, and despite that, YOU'VE STILL DONE ALL THIS WORK ON THE VIDEO! I'm impressed!

I think, "If Elaine can work on this video and get so much done, I certainly should be able to make a hat and scarf"! It's almost embarrassing to say that about a hat and scarf, compared to all the work you've done.

Here's what I've done so far.

Sunday -- experimented with different yarns that I have and a technique I've always wanted to try. I don't have to. I could have just made the darn thing and mailed it. But I wanted to give myself a challenge. Did it work? No.

Monday -- I went to a yarn store to try another yarn and realized that wasn't going to work either.

Tuesday -- Decided to give up and just use the regular yarn. Went to the store -- and they didn't have it! Grrrr...... (I don't know if Molly growls but I do!)

Wednesday --

Thursday, today. Now I have to go to another store in another town. THIS TIME... I'm going to call them first, describe EXACTLY WHAT I NEED. If they have it, I will go tomorrow to buy it.

Saturday, Sunday -- start working on it (assuming I have the yarn).

You said that Thursday is the day that you could get back to the video. What's the baby step for today to move you towards getting this finished?

[inspiresuccess]

I made the phone call after much procrastination. And..............they don't have it! There's one more store in my area. Another phone call needed.

Ordering it from the internet takes more time and is more difficult to know the true colors.

There are other stores in my area, but they require long freeway drives and I'm still afraid to drive on the freeway because of an accident. And, no, I don't know anyone who will drive me.

I can try the local craft stores again. I need 100% wool and what I found was a lot of synthetics. But I can try again.

I HATE THIS PROJECT!

[Elaine Glimme]

It didn't happen. I called Sandy, but forgot to call Susan. I figured I'd check with her about a half hour before she was supposed to come over, and she had been expecting a call from me to confirm that we were on. Anyway, we postponed it till next Thursday, hopefully.

Maybe it's for the best. Molly and I need more rehearsing anyway. I did get some rehearsing done and figured out a few ways to make the video better. So maybe it's a good thing that we didn't do it today.

Sorry you're mad at your project. I hope it works out okay.

[inspiresuccess]

Okay. I bought the yarn. I'm ready to do the project. Procrastinating. The good thing about procrastination is how much I get done in other areas! My apartment is getting more clean and organized that it's been in a long time. However................. the goal is to get this project done. For now, I'm going to finish the cleaning and I'm hoping in the evening I will start the project. It's now 4:00 pm.

ANYONE WHO FEELS LIKE GIVING ME A KICK IN THE PANTS TO GET ME GOING HERE IS MORE THAN WELCOME!

Inspire