Page 6 of 6

26-may

PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 9:34 am
by Lynx
Hi steppers,

Elaine, I know what you mean about "Clean up the clutter so I can do the projects in comfort" and "laundry." Just mentally I find it feels like I have more mental space and less static or noise in my thinking.

Doing a load a day of laundry now myself. Just Sat + today.

One of my morning rituals is putting a few things away. Dishes from the drying rack, shoes in the hall, a few pages of draft. Nothing a big deal, but I find it soothing. I also move something each time I'm in the kitchen, rinse a cup an put it in the washer, wash down the stovetop, but away crackers or cookies, etc. My hope is at the end of the day my net put-aways are greater than my net left-outs. In this way I'll slowly get the placed "picked up."

Did a simple hack that may work. On one of the clever timesucking youtube vids on 20 easy hacks for everyday living there was shown using wooden match sticks to shim the space so a metal screw would fit tighter in a metal door. Tried it this morning, it worked. For now. While doing it noticed that who ever installed the kickstop had used wood screws (cone shaped & end with a point) rather than metal screws (cylinders that end flat). Bless them.

Readying to take a long meandering walk. Along the way, deposit some books into the free libraries on the path.

In grad school, I took long Sunday walks. Moved after I got degreed and haven't started that practice here (it's been 20 years, buddy, get with it!).

Lynx

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Mon May 27, 2019 6:47 am
by Elaine Glimme
Lynx, I try to do that too, clean up a little bit while I'm waiting for coffee to heat up in the microwave, etc. So I got a lot of my list done, which is good. I don't like cleaning and de-cluttering, but it has to be done, and keeping up with it by doing small batches is way better than having a disaster to deal with.

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Mon May 27, 2019 8:34 pm
by LalithaN
Elaine Glimme wrote: I don't like cleaning and de-cluttering, but it has to be done, and keeping up with it by doing small batches is way better than having a disaster to deal with.

Hi steppers,
I too feel the same way. In our house, it is a battle to be fought and won constantly. How much you clean the sink, dishes get piled up. I found out unless dishes are done 4 times a day, sink won't be free at all. The same way with the laundry. Every morning I start the washing machine. But to fold the dry clothes is a task in itself. I sort them out and put each of my children's clothes in their respective shelf and I fold mine and stack them neatly in my shelf. A very simple chore, but accumulated you see heaps of clothes in everybody's shelf except mine.I stopped fussing about that, 'What cannot be cured must be endured.' My aesthetic eye gets sore but I don't want to do it myself indulging their laziness.
Another thing is this constant battle of cleaning and de-cluttering, takes a lot of my time and leave me exhausted for new creative ideas. Mundane takes 90% of my time and the rest goes in entertainment [mine is reading books]. I have many ideas but no time to bring them to life.
I really dislike cleaning and de-cluttering.

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:03 am
by LalithaN
Hi steppers ,
How I ranted! What has to be done has to be done. Cleaning finished.
Above all, I finished the blouse I started a long time ago.Has to check the fit.Hope it is a good beginning. And I played stock market game today and earned a small virtual sum.Okay. it is working.

28-may

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 8:21 am
by Lynx
Hi steppers,

This was a 3-day holiday weekend in the states, and I took it mostly laying down. Which was a good thing. Barely managed two chores or a longish walk, then I napped.

It' back to the mines today. Looking to let the work day stretch itself out meaning I'm see if I can get to things at a walk pace and not a sprint or marathon pace.

I have an idea for getting loose from a too-long project by offering passive approvals. To get there I'll have to get active approval from the project lead. To get that I'll have to draft something understandable.

Also seeing my energies making a Big Pivot from mostly writing (the past 4 years) to mostly facilitation and training (the next 4 years). I am getting a little fatigued from the writing. This Big Pivot will take maybe 6 weeks? I really can't guess.

And I have a mess of chores: broken mirror on car, engine block leak on car, broken sewer pipeline next door that messes up our walkway which I volunteer to wash away (think they'd offer to wash it down ... don't get me started), broken hinge on a cabinet light bulb out over the sink. I ready for this to stop.

Lynx

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 9:14 am
by Elaine Glimme
Wow, Lynx, I'll never complain about clutter and messes again. You're right, Lalitha. What has to be done has to be done.

I'm going to try to get into the habit of writing first thing. Second thing today, but first thing tomorrow.

And I'm loving working in my garden, which is finally looking good, and not like a construction zone with half-finished beds and places where I planted something, and it didn't grow and the weeds took over. Over the past forty years, I've seen an oriole maybe once every seven years. This year, there's at least a pair of them flying around all the time. It's probably a bad thing - a sign that the climate is changing. Nevertheless, they're beautiful birds - bright orange and black.

On to writing and mulching.

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 8:08 pm
by LalithaN
Hi Elaine,
Congrats for your garden. You have achieved something potential and heart warming. Cheers.
Best wishes for your writing plan.

30-may

PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 8:58 am
by Lynx
Howdy,

Elaine, keep us posted on getting to writing first thing.

My uninvited chores done: bulb replaced, toilet seat replaced (now have one to give away) and bidet works, no leaks. That's all for now.

My ¶ a day is trolling through my posts on this site in case Barbara Sher decides to close it. I'm looking for particularly insightful ones and those where I write about a change or deep insight. Joined in 2006, up to April 2010 right now. This was the month they changed their forums service: everything before is in block text without paragraphs breaks, from 4/10 our current formatting begins.

To the ¶,
L

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 7:36 pm
by inspiresuccess
LalithaN wrote: ... I finished the blouse I started a long time ago...
I played stock market game today and earned a small virtual sum.


This is great! Keep up the good work!

31-May

PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 12:24 am
by Lynx
Closing out the month. Thought it would never get here.

Sort of planned to slip away to the Korean spa again tomorrow but nothing doing. Will have to take about an hour to go to the eye frame store to get mine re-adjusted. Turned too fast in the bathroom and knocked m'ed against the door frame. Glasses were on and are not bent and too loose. Something live around "frames."

I think spring hinges were meant for moments like that. These are NOT that style.

The sewage thing gets more complex and I'll have to stick close at hand to deal with that.

My drama review editor keeps asking if I'd review a play. One I agreed to ended up assigned to another writer, but I was going to see it tonight, alone, because the premise is interesting. Fifteen years after a man was convicted for statutory rape of a 12 year old girl he's living a corporate life with a new name after a 3 year sentence. She tracks him down and confronts him at work one day ...

Which would have been interesting prep for one of my heroes: Eve Ensler. She's coming to town with her latest book about The Apology in two weeks. Tomorrow I'll see if I can make it go.

Oh, I hit my head while thinking about how 'frantic' has colored my inner life. Might have beginnings when I was around 1 and my parents, in one of their parenting issues, wouldn't let me crawl and learn to walk! Germs! Well, my dad wouldn't but my mom knew I had to get dirty and learn! I must have been ... 'frantic' to get free of their clutches and start walking. Frantic has popped up ever sense.

Is it healable? Forgiveable? Maybe in reverse order?

Sigh, I was raised by amateurs,
Lynx

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:57 am
by LalithaN
Hi Lynx,
What do you mean by ''frantic"? Agitated, desperate or impatience? Maybe inherited quality, but could be gotten rid of with a logical reasoning. No news for you.
Then about parents: How much we love our parents and admire them, there would be always some insufficiency. We start to think at a point, they should have done a little better [The same way our children too would think.] Dissatisfaction about parents is almost universal,even though how much they are intelligent, wise, rich, powerful and loving. [Basic theme for famous books like Percy Jackson and Olympians.]
Have a little mercy. They too are humans full of flaws like us. When you probe about the reasons why our parents behaved like that, we start to find they too had been victims to their parents' despotism. It is a vicious cycle.
If you really want to end the dissatisfaction about your parents, forgive them and think about their love and good intentions for you. [Their theory would be perfect but their execution would have been worst]. Give your children what you didn't have. No guarantee your children will be content about your parenting, but you tried. That's all.

1 June

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:39 am
by Lynx
Hi steppers,

Thanks Lalitha for your comments. I think of this as a support site for me, so I'm sharing my emotions as they spring forth. Unedited. When I feel a rant, I rant. To you or others, they may be no Justice or Fairness in my rant. Sorry, that's not my purpose.

From my personal side, I have limited interest in a fair and balanced view, or even a long view of my parents' and then before them their parents' and on back traumatic stories. There are whole fields devoted to this: historians, psychologists, sociologists, journalists, academic studies, etc. I leave them to their work. They don't suffer the results of the data they look at.

There are choices make by parents at the point of parenting "service" to a child. How well did they use their choices from my point of view as I live with the consequences, and the trouble I have taken to overturn the consequences. Remember, those early patterns that parents consciously or unconsciously set in children before the age of 5 have very deep roots and are extremely hard to even discover much less confront and heal. They were the adult, they had access to peers, books, doctors, classes, etc. Whether they used them is also their choice.

When the situation was flipped, that is, they thought I had done something wrong or bad, THEY didn't consider their roles as parents, and their parent's role in raising them. Or my relative inexperience at life and managing my behavior. Their judgment was active & swift, as is their rights & what 'society' wants from parents.

I uphold reciprocity in all my relationships. If they can so judge and act, then so can i. The generational difference is less at issue than the bedrock idea :: If you claim it, then all can claim it. (Kant's categorical imperative). Not everyone wants to let everyone have the same claims, I can't help that. If they can claim the right to judge and act, then so can I. It's uncomfortable, but so is being set up to be unconsciously "frantic" at the edge of new action.

L

Re: 1 June

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 7:57 am
by LalithaN
Lynx wrote:Hi steppers,

Thanks Lalitha for your comments. I think of this as a support site for me, so I'm sharing my emotions as they spring forth. Unedited. When I feel a rant, I rant. To you or others, they may be no Justice or Fairness in my rant. Sorry, that's not my purpose.

There are choices make by parents at the point of parenting "service" to a child. How well did they use their choices from my point of view as I live with the consequences, and the trouble I have taken to overturn the consequences. Remember, those early patterns that parents consciously or unconsciously set in children before the age of 5 have very deep roots and are extremely hard to even discover much less confront and heal. They were the adult, they had access to peers, books, doctors, classes, etc. Whether they used them is also their choice.

It's uncomfortable, but so is being set up to be unconsciously "frantic" at the edge of new action.

L


Hi Lynx,

I understand you perfectly.
If you are the first child to your parents like me, then you would have been the trial piece for their parenting. If you are the one and only child after a lot of miscarriages, like me, then you would be held on a possessive grip by your parents. If you live in a highly conservative society like me, then the word of a parent is a command. Though not for every family, but in ours it is the rule. Even a slight disobedience is considered a rebellion and a 'rebel' is a bad word in our community.
The decisions my parents made for my life completely ruined my life. My father considered that he couldn't educate me through college, as he was going to retire in his native village. I knew even as a young girl the match they fixed for me is not right. When I protested about my marriage I got a reply 'we parents know what is good for you.' But all these things were done with good intentions and as it goes 'The path to hell is paved with good intentions.' I very well know my parents and all they wished was my welfare, but they took convenient but not the right decisions and all of us suffered heavily for that.
My parents have supported me throughout my marital life, but many times it back fired. But whatever the situation is, I took and take care of my parents and served my mom to my best when she was ailing and dying. Father is 89 now and senile. I take care of him like a child. So would it serve to blame or hold grudges? No. it will cause only more anxieties.
I studied after my marriage in a distant education course and I got not only a bachelor's degree but also a master degree in Eng. Literature. After that I studied Hindi and I got a degree in that too.
I don't write all these to create sympathy and definitely I don't need any and I'm not bragging that I'm good.My question is what is the point of being angry with them? What purpose it is going to serve? Maybe just they didn't know what they were doing. To this day I'm suffering the consequences of their wrong decisions, but I blame myself for not being a rebel. So I did what I wrote for you. All that I have written in my previous post, I have done in my life.Just forgave them and loved and served them well. At times I feel a lot of angry for those reckless decisions they made. They too were victims of their upbringing and highly insecure about their old age. So what can I do other than this? :bash: But they are my parents ; they love me and I love them too.
Most of the parents are not evil or bad. They don't know how to use their powers wisely, or simply insecure. After all, parenting is a task, that comes without any training.
You have all the rights to rant and your ranting is also right. We are here for you. I support you. If you have to reply for a post at midnight, I can understand your frustration. Rant, fret,eventually cool down.
But my suggestion is after some time let these thoughts go. You would be saved from ulcer and BP. From your posts, I understand you are an adult and a wonderful person who had succeeded in life without your parents' help. That is your strength and [if you want to think like that] your revenge.
You know "It needs a great strength to be gentle." Gather that strength.

rants

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 9:35 am
by Lynx
Hi steppers,

Lalitha, so many disapppointments at the whim of your folks. A bad match in marriage is an very hard choice to accept. I honor your honoring of your parents' good intentions.

I'm happy if letting go of your grievances works for you. This is one of the five forms of forgiveness.

The way I work is the other way around. I look to dealing with the pattern within. Clearly, at 65, to be reawakened to this inner mess shows I have more work to do. You say, as some writers do based on their spiritual literature that letting go of my rant/anger would help the work. Well, I'd need to know them better and let them demonstrate the use of that idea in their own lives to my satisfaction then I'll consider it. I bet it isn't so pure when you dig. For example, what in how they were parented set them up to think they could lecture others on how to manage their inner lives? I never voted them in for that.

Intentions multiply. I, as a parent, may hold the intention that a child, at any age, never successfully challenges my decision. And this is supported by other men I know as they carry the same intention. When we spot a peer male straying we are merciless in teasing them, or worse. We probably have a lot of proverbs and sayings to bring to mind and to use to block any changes.

Now, materially, I may show great lovingkindness, tenderness, etc. to my child. I myself never felt materially neglected, I had clothes, they fed me, tended to me when I was hurt or sick, celebrated moments like graduations, etc. We were among the slightly better off in the 'hood as both my parents worked. Now comes my Frantic Self to give me a picture which returns me to the scene of the crime and accusing my parents of poor parenting skills in this one regard. I'm making the case and representing myself. My parents are unrepresented as this is not a true trial. No one will be fined or serve jail time.

Just so you know, I state what's going on for me, especially the messy parts that interfere with my peace of mind & gracefulness of action, in the clearest starkest language I can muster. Not to shock you, or send anyone running to my accused's defenses, but to demonstrate to that part of myself that's lost relationship opportunities, job prospects, chances to travel, and thousands of dollars all flowing from this "Frantic Flaw;" to show it that when I speak/write of this to others I have the courage to say it was poor form and that it's led to a lifetime of injuries.

And this side of myself, like a living person when paraphrased successfully, feels heard. And I sense I'm a step, at times a very tiny step, closer to feeling whole and calm again.

But I'm only so courageous, as Lynx is an alias, which offer a little more freedom, like sitting in a therapy session.
L

Re: May 2019 Steps-A-Day

PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 10:07 am
by LalithaN
Hi Lynx,
You are courageous as you have the guts to voice your opinion against authority. I'm happy that it makes you feel a little calm.
In our tradition, we can blame our karma for all our misfortunes, it seems you people don't have that luxury and have to face harsh truths. Anyhow digging inside yourself and analyzing the root causes for your misfortunes can give you clarity, I'm here for you and I pray for your peace and calm. Good Luck.