New Years Resolution System that really works for me

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New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby inspiresuccess » Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:41 pm

My process is long and complicated but I like it and it works for me so I thought I'd share it in case it might work for someone else.

Step one. Read over, think, meditate, journal write about last year's goals. This is a long process that I enjoy.

Step two. Write down what worked and what didn't (example of this later).

Step three. Write new goals for this year.

I always think of my goals as..."by the end of this year I would like...." I'm not the kind of person who says, "Starting on January first I'm going to exercise at the gym 5 days a week". Waste of time and effort. I give myself a YEAR to accomplish a YEAR'S WORTH of SUCCESS! It's a lot easier that way, at least for me.

Example. Last year I wanted to have 2 new intimate friends (or even one!) by the end of the year. My description of an intimate friend is someone I could talk to every week or two at a cafe or on the phone for a nice, long one hour chat on anything and everything. Someone who I could call in an emergency. Someone I feel a special sense of connection with. Someone I could go do fun things with like go to an art museum or music concert or talk to about a book.

Did that happen? No. What did I get from my efforts to make one or two new friends? A LOT! Here it is:

Two new "home away from homes". These happen to both be churches - different focuses, different denominations. I joined a book club at one; a women's group at the other. Went to the church services sporadically at both. Went to a weekly meditation group sometimes at one.

I'll describe what happened at one of the churches (where I didn't make any intimate friends)..

The people in this church have almost all known each other for 20-30 years! I'm literally the only new person in their group. They are very welcoming to me but it's hard not to be aware of the fact that they have a level of comfort together that I don't feel. That's just going to take me time to eventually feel more like part of the group. After all, I've only been there a year, which is not much compared to 20 years!

One of the things that is amazing is they have taken me under their wing. For instance, recently I had to go to the ER. Once I mentioned this to one person, they passed it along their grapevine and at church people were coming up to me to check on how I was doing and ask if there was anything they could do to help. So, their grapevine really helps me feel like people care about me (I live alone and don't have family).

Some people might think their grapevine sounds suspiciously like gossip. It's not. It comes from a genuine feeling of love and care and wanting to help. Here's an example of this:

One of the services they offer for members of the church is to give you a ride if you have a doctor's appointment to go to and you can't drive. I had multiple appointments to which they gave me rides. They also make some food for you if you come home from the hospital or from a difficult treatment so you don't have to cook the first night you're home.

Another thing they did was assign a deacon to me when I was sick. I didn't even know what a deacon was! It's sort of a person you can talk to on the phone about spiritual or other matters. Sort of a stand in when the minister is too busy to help. I've had lots of good conversations on the phone with her when I needed help.

Third instance. They were having a weekend women's retreat I couldn't afford. The deacon and the retreat leader knew I wanted to go but couldn't afford it. The two of them met with the minister to talk to her about it and it was decided that if I could pay $20 I could go to the retreat! Which I did and it was amazing!

So, did I get what I call intimate friends? No. Did I get my specific goal of 1-2 friends to do fun things with and chat on the phone with for hours on end? No. But it's amazing what I did get.

This is just one of example of a goal from last year. Some of my others were total disasters so don't get the idea that everything always turns out amazing, like this example. I should probably share some of the duds, but it would take up too much space!

So, to wrap it up, in end, the actual goals are EXTREMELY SIMPLE. For instance, one of last year's goals was MAKE ONE NEW INTIMATE FRIEND THIS YEAR. My actual journal writing is extensive, but the final goals are extremely simple and easy to post on my wall.

Good luck with your goals this year. Remember,you've a got a full year to accomplish new year's goals. They don't have to all be done the first month.

InspireSuccess's final word on the matter is:

IT'S WHERE YOU END UP AT THE END OF THE YEAR THAT COUNTS (not where you started).

Happy New Year!
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Well, Yeah!

Postby Lynx » Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:46 am

Hello Inspire,

Thanks for giving us a peek into your inner process. If I may respond ...

I give you more points for making friends. At the moment you're on the edge of a potentially very supportive network. But as a group your church connections did much of what you felt a new friend would do: help with trips, financial gifts (discount for retreat), conversation from time to time (I know, talking with a deacon is more one sided than you wanted, but, one sided is better than no-sided).

I see a great skill at writing, description, and summarizing. These are skills people will pay you to use, you can do from home, and except for the hand-off and hand-back meetings, don't involve much person-to-person interactions as part of the work. My mother was always hustling and made a quite a bit of pocket money by typing papers, theses and dissertations for college students. Not writing them, but typing them or taking their marked up drafts and re-typing them. When I get real busy or just don't want to bother, I hire people to fix my marked up drafts. This service is especially appreciated by foreign students whose grasp of the nuances of English spelling (ex.,peek or peak?) and grammar are not yet fully fluent. It's also appreciated by seniors writing their memoirs who may sense "time's winged chariot hurrying near" (Andrew Marvell, To my coy mistress).

And, peering into my crystal ball, I see continued steps to reach you ultimate goals.

Carry on,
Lynx
"Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps; we must step up the stairs." Vaclav Havel
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby SquarePeg » Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:21 pm

Good for you, IS!

My wife and I joined a church last year. We feel comfortable and well cared for there.

Another church that we belonged to would organize bus trips to NYC, which my wife enjoyed.

I'm sure what Lynx's response about writing has to do with your post. But in case I missed something, some churches has newsletter and would welcome help with writing, proofreading and editing. I mention this in case you feel the urge to give back to the community.

Good luck with all your goals!
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby snoopy » Tue Jan 14, 2020 12:11 am

I just read you posting @inspiresuccess and I've got the wish to answer or to contribute.

Indeed, I do have this vision too to get one new intimate friend this year. I read your posting very interested with the hope to find strategies you used to implement your wish. And I was suprised what happened. And I see I'm on a good way with participating in groups. And just lean back and wait what happens :-)

Thank you for sharing your experiences!
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby inspiresuccess » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:30 am

Thanks for stopping by, Snoopy! Good luck to you in your goal. Stop back and let me know how you're progressing.
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby Tituba » Wed Jan 15, 2020 7:29 pm

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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby snoopy » Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:18 am

Thank your for the link.
Remembers me of a book I read years ago. It's called "From the happiness of small steps" and was published in German.
There you have 52 different goals. Every week you establish a new behaviour and at the end of the year you have 52 new attitudes :-)
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby inspiresuccess » Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:25 pm

Hi Tituba, Thanks! I like the idea of adding one new exercise thing each month. I want to do more exercise this year. I like the idea of adding one more thing, but I think I might need to do it in 2 month chunks.
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Re: New Years Resolution System that really works for me

Postby Elaine Glimme » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:08 pm

Kudos, Inspire, for not thinking "All or nothing" You made some friendships and had some good experiences because you took some risks. Friendships kind of grow. You can't force them. But if you get involved in things, they do happen.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
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