Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

What should you do when you want to do everything? If you're fascinated by everything, and you've been called dabbler, dilettante, undisciplined, indecisive etc., this forum is for you.

Moderators: Tituba, BarbaraSher

Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby GingerTom » Wed May 28, 2014 4:11 am

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and a recently diagnosed "Scanner". At least, I think so!

A bit about myself.. I graduated in Computer Science in 1996 and spent 7 years in the software industry, mainly programming. I grew to really hate the job... the location (dull office on M4 corridor), the boring people, the obsession with material possessions... being chained to a desk... I longed to do something more exciting and creative that got me out and about.

I decided to quit and pursue my hobby as a career - photography. I moved to London and spent another 3 years studying and then freelanced for 8 years working for photo agencies, newspapers and private clients. I also taught evening classes one evening a week while I was studying.

I enjoyed the variety, meeting new people, and the artistic challenges, but hated the business side - having to make cold calls, having to continually chase payments, the massive competition, the lack of day to day human contact and colleagues, the frustration of not being very productive working from home. The type of work I was doing became very repetitive and work was very up and down. I've had to rely on financial help from my partner and my mum and now I'm sick of it... I think at some point I just stopped enjoying it and subconsciously self-sabotaged my efforts to gain more work and more clients.

The icing on the cake was when my main client royally screwed me and didn't pay me for 4 jobs, and went "dark". I later learned they'd gone bankrupt. I attempted to get the money through the small claims courts in the UK but no luck yet...

I've spent almost a year reading multiple career-change books, been to workshops, etc and I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. I just don't know what I'm good at, what interests me (a lot of things), or how to actually get a job with such a unconventional CV. I'm really beginning to lose confidence in myself and wonder how I'll ever get employed by anyone. My partner is very successful in the music industry and we have very successful friends (an academic, someone at Google....). I'm beginning to feel like a loser.

So, where do I go from here? I am currently unemployed and really need some kind of income to pay the bills and take the burden off my partner and mum. I cannot afford coaching, so have tried meeting fellow career changers locally to set up a success team, but it's very difficult to find people willing to commit to attending regularly or to follow through with the tasks set.

I dread the thought of conventional office work and interviews and yet I don't want a repeat experience of being self employed with all its uncertainty. I'm not sure I'm even self-motivated enough to be self employed, but maybe I was just doing the wrong thing?

A positive thing to happen at one of my meet ups was I met a coach who thought I was a scanner and lent me Refuse to Choose. I devoured the book and it bought a tear to my eye, but I still don't know what to do next... I then read a bit of Wishcraft and now I'm thinking I may be an unhappy Diver.... so confused. :bash:

Any advice would be much appreciated.

G
GingerTom
New User
New User
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 5:24 am

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby SquarePeg » Wed May 28, 2014 2:49 pm

Welcome, GT. I'm sorry that you've become dissatisfied with photography. I'm still enjoying it as a hobby, but never considered giving up my day job as an electrical engineer.

So you've not done programming for 11 years, is that right? Or have I read your history wrong?

I don't have any advice right now. Mainly I wanted to "bump the thread" and let you know there is still some activity on this forum.

But I'll be back!
SquarePeg
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1138
Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:36 pm

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby GingerTom » Thu May 29, 2014 9:21 am

Hi,

Thank you SquarePeg.

Yes, I haven't written a line of code since 2002!

I have recently started going through some of negatives, scanning them and doing some fine art prints for our flat, which I am quite enjoying. So I still enjoy it, but on my own terms. I will no doubt get something like a Fuji X100s or a used Leica M6 again at some point.

G
GingerTom
New User
New User
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 5:24 am

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby NowIknow » Thu May 29, 2014 11:50 pm

Hi,

English is my second language, my apology in advance.

I'm Asian and just recently discovered that I'm a scanner, since chapter one of the book and the more I read the book the more I have no doubt that I'm a scanner.

I just want to tell you that you are so courageous in leaving your job, for twenty years I have been torelating the office work.
When I was younger I used to cry in the morning before I went to work. Later I learned to deal with it by changing my job, to the new job with about half of work demands and half of salary. For Asian culture, it was hard for my family and society to accept, but I was just trying to survive. I have been struggling and no one understand. My partner has been very supportive, but he is a serious diver. He comforted me a lot but he will in life never get at how I feel about my career.

I just would like to wish you all the best, :)

P
NowIknow
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:31 am

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby SquarePeg » Fri May 30, 2014 9:45 am

GT, maybe you can salvage the remaining interest you have in photography. Would you be willing to teach it, for example?

Even if not, perhaps joining a camera club can restore the sense of fun that you felt when it was a hobby. And you'll get some real-life people to commiserate with. At the very least, you'll network and maybe find an unexpected direction to go in.
SquarePeg
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 1138
Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2010 9:36 pm

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby Elaine Glimme » Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:35 pm

HI,

NowIKnow, Your English is very good.

I didn't understand something. Are you happy with your job situation now, or are you still looking for something better? Knowing that you're a scanner should be helpful.
I think you're very brave to have changed jobs. Many people of all cultures judge a person by how much money he/she makes, and that's so wrong.

I stayed at a job I hated for about fifteen years because I was shy and scared to make a change. I was about 43 when I found a job that I loved and I kept it for twenty years.

I hope you find happiness in your work.
Elaine Glimme - author - "Temporary Address" and "The Molly Chronicles"
User avatar
Elaine Glimme
Mega Poster
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 2808
Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2008 1:00 pm

Re: Recently Diagnosed, completely stuck

Postby NowIknow » Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:09 am

Elaine Glimme wrote:HI,

NowIKnow, Your English is very good.

I didn't understand something. Are you happy with your job situation now, or are you still looking for something better? Knowing that you're a scanner should be helpful.
I think you're very brave to have changed jobs. Many people of all cultures judge a person by how much money he/she makes, and that's so wrong.

I stayed at a job I hated for about fifteen years because I was shy and scared to make a change. I was about 43 when I found a job that I loved and I kept it for twenty years.

I hope you find happiness in your work.


Dear Elaine,

Thank you very much,
I only discovered this book around two months ago, and read it with tears of relief. Knowing now that nothing is wrong with me.

I guess I'm still new to the concept, I'm happier now. I went back to exercise, swim without the guilt of not finishing my projects. No more heavy feeling in my heart as a looser I used to feel. For your question, at the moment I still wondering whether this job is a happy one, or I'm happier because now I have read the book.

As for my job, 10 years ago I changed from a job which paid well and good title, but the person doing that kind of job would need to be a serious diver and work demands is high. My new job is still a busy one, but it's kind of social work that I got to learn about people's life and I could finish work at 4pm and do something else.

I wasn't that happy at the beginning since I still need to do so many things outside my works but I could not, I felt like being locked up in the cubicle. But it would be unacceptable for my society for me to be without a job, so I learned to compromise and stick with the job. I have to give credit to the support of my boyfriend, who listened to my endless complaints/whining (of which I learned later that he could pretend to listen for an hour without remembering anything, but it worked for me).

Three years ago I started practicing Zen, and it gave me peace of mind. Then I read this book. I therefore think this is the job I'm happy with and would not think of changing. The job has some interesting aspects (and boring aspects) and now I'm happier with it with the attitude I got from this book. So I guess I will stay with this job. Thank you again for your wish for me to have a job I'm happy with. I'm glad to hear that you have found one. :D
NowIknow
Experienced Poster
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:31 am


Return to Refuse to Choose: The Forum for Scanners

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests